Woman Refuses To Include Vegan Dishes For DIL On Thanksgiving, Only For DIL To Arrive With Full Vegan Counter-Meal Of The Entire Menu

Thanksgiving gatherings tend to bring out the best or the worst in family dynamics, and this one leaned hard in a direction no one saw coming.

The OP explained that she spent days preparing a holiday menu for her family, including vegan options for her son’s wife, who often raised concerns about the menu.

It wasn’t the first year tension stirred around food, but this year, something felt different.

A week before the celebration, the daughter-in-law (DIL) reached out with a long list of instructions about what dishes “worked” and what needed to be changed.

She also sent pricey vegan replicas of classic recipes and insisted they be added to the lineup.

However, OP had already created thoughtful options, so the demands landed with irritation. Instead of arguing, she simply said the menu was set and that anyone with special preferences could bring their own dish.

On Thanksgiving Day, DIL showed up late with a full spread of her own meals. To everyone’s surprise, she recreated OP’s menu from top to bottom.

Every casserole, every side, every dessert had a vegan counterpart lined up like a challenge. Compliments drifted toward her dishes, and each time she soaked in the attention with a pointed smile that hinted this wasn’t hospitality…It was payback.

The moment that broke the room came during their tradition of sharing what they were thankful for. She couldn’t help taking a jab at OP.

Her indirect comments set off a chain reaction that ended with OP kicking her out of Thanksgiving.

Despite OP winning this battle, her son and husband are unhappy at how she handled the situation. They’ve urged her to apologize, but OP is determined to stand her ground, as she believes she’s the one who deserves an apology.

Check the screenshots to find out how the story unfolded.

Let’s dig into the details

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A bit of background

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OP and DIL couldn’t agree on the menu. So, DIL brought her own meal to Thanksgiving, ensuring that she spites OP in the process

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Navigating Dietary Differences

Family dynamics often complicate dietary preferences, especially during holiday gatherings. According to Dr. Yoni Freedhoff, a weight management expert, clear communication about food preferences can prevent misunderstandings.

He emphasizes that discussing dietary needs ahead of time encourages family members to feel included rather than marginalized. In this case, the daughter-in-law might have benefited from openly expressing her need for vegan options before arriving with her own elaborate meal.

Ultimately, engaging in constructive dialogue about dietary needs can transform family gatherings from potential battlegrounds into opportunities for connection. Experts suggest implementing a 'family meeting' approach pre-holiday, where everyone can express their preferences.

This proactive strategy can lead to collaborative meal planning, ensuring that everyone's needs are met while fostering a spirit of unity and cooperation. As Dr. Michael Thompson, a child psychologist, emphasizes, open communication builds stronger familial bonds, essential for a nurturing family environment.

OP and DIL had an indirect exchange, after which she kicked DIL out

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OP’s son and husband are urging her to apologize to the family for taking things too far

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OP added some more context

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Conflict during family gatherings can stem from unspoken expectations. Relationship expert Dr. John Van Epp notes that setting clear boundaries and openly discussing needs can mitigate tension.

He suggests that families create a dialogue about food preferences well in advance, fostering understanding and collaboration. In this situation, both parties could have engaged in a respectful conversation that emphasized compromise, potentially avoiding the drama that ensued.

Some more info

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Additional edit

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Final edit

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The Importance of Inclusion

Inclusivity at family gatherings is vital for emotional well-being. Dr. Brené Brown, a researcher on vulnerability and connection, highlights that feeling included fosters a sense of belonging.

When dietary needs are considered, family members are more likely to feel valued and accepted. To improve future gatherings, families might set up a shared menu planning session where everyone can contribute ideas. This approach not only alleviates tension but also encourages creativity and teamwork.

We gathered some interesting comments from the Reddit community

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“NTA I would’ve lost it too. She sounds absolutely exhausting.”

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“I'm in the market for a new mother in law (my own is toxic AF), can I interest you in adopting my husband?”

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Food-related disputes often reflect deeper emotional issues within families. Dr. William Doherty, a family therapist, explains that these conflicts can serve as a proxy for unresolved tensions in relationships.

He advocates for families to engage in open discussions about their feelings and experiences rather than solely focusing on food choices. This approach can help families identify underlying issues and foster healthier communication patterns moving forward.

“NTA. I’m vegetarian and I don’t judge what other people put into their bodies.”

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“NTA. She had the option to stay home and make her own Thanksgiving and didn’t.”

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“NTA. She had the option to stay home and make her own Thanksgiving and didn’t.”

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Creating a Positive Environment

To cultivate a positive atmosphere during family gatherings, consider implementing mindfulness techniques. Dr. Tara Brach, a psychologist, advocates for practices like deep breathing or gratitude exercises to help family members stay present.

By encouraging everyone to express gratitude, it can shift the focus from conflict to appreciation, setting a more harmonious tone. This strategy may help families navigate dietary differences with empathy and reduce the likelihood of future disagreements.

“Sure, she did it out of spite, but it sounds like you're both being dramatic and vindictive.”

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Holiday stress often exposes deeper issues, and this story shows how long-standing tension can erupt when no one feels heard.

DIL wanted to feel included, while the host wanted her effort acknowledged. Both had valid feelings, but the way things unfolded made the situation bigger than food.

Hopefully, they can find their way to the negotiating table and thrash whatever long-standing beef they have, once and for all.

Share your thoughts in the comments.

Expert Opinion

This Thanksgiving drama highlights how food can symbolize deeper relational conflicts. The daughter-in-law likely felt marginalized and used the meal as a way to assert her identity, while the host may have seen her refusal to compromise as a way to maintain control. Ultimately, both parties seemed to be acting out of a need for validation and respect, but instead ended up escalating the conflict rather than finding common ground.

Psychological Insights & Implications

In summary, the Thanksgiving incident underscores the importance of communication and mutual respect in family dynamics, particularly regarding dietary preferences. By engaging in open discussions, families can prevent misunderstandings and foster a culture of inclusivity. Experts like Dr. Brené Brown and Dr. Yoni Freedhoff highlight that addressing emotional needs alongside practical considerations creates a more harmonious environment.

Future gatherings can be enhanced through shared planning, mindfulness, and an emphasis on gratitude, ultimately leading to a more enjoyable and connected family experience. As families navigate diverse food preferences, establishing a foundation of open dialogue will pave the way for positive interactions.