MIL Was Against Third Grandchild From Start But Still Whines About Being Excluded From Childbirth

OP and her husband decided to have a third child, and it didn’t take long for the drama to start. Her MIL was already on record against the third grandchild, so the pregnancy didn’t exactly come as a surprise. What did surprise everyone, though, was how loudly the MIL complained once she realized she might not get her preferred role.

Here’s the complicated part: OP’s MIL distanced herself when she got pregnant, yet still planned to swoop in for four days around the birth. Meanwhile, OP’s mom offered to help them, and they accepted. When the MIL found out OP’s mom would be the first to see the baby, she acted offended, then turned around and let the SIL and the rest of the family label OP as selfish.

Now OP is stuck defending her choices, while the MIL whines about being “excluded” from childbirth like she was owed front-row seats.

The OP asks:

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The OP and her husband decided to have a third child:

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The tension surrounding the mother-in-law's reaction to the third grandchild reflects broader themes of familial expectations and personal choice. Individuals often project their values and beliefs onto their children, leading to conflicts when those values are not aligned. In this case, the mother-in-law's longstanding belief about the merits of limiting family size may influence her feelings of exclusion regarding the new grandchild.

This highlights the importance of understanding and navigating differing family values when making personal decisions.

But the OP's MIL has always been against this idea:

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However, the OP informed her when she got pregnant, and the MIL distanced herself:

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OP’s MIL has been against the third grandchild from day one, but she still managed to make the pregnancy all about her feelings the moment OP announced it.

Moreover, family members often experience emotional responses rooted in their perceptions of loyalty and obligation.

On the other side, the OP's mother had offered to help them, and they accepted:

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But when the MIL found out the OP's mother would go to them, she got offended and felt excluded:

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When OP’s mom offered to help and actually got a place at the birth-time table, the MIL flipped from distant to offended fast.

In this scenario, the mother-in-law's feelings of exclusion may indicate a need for clearer boundaries regarding roles and expectations in family dynamics.

For the parents, communicating their intentions and choices regarding family size openly could help manage expectations and reduce conflict.

This drama echoes the WIBTA poster demanding friends split vacation costs after they bailed for work.

MIL also planned to visit them for 4 days around the birth, but that wouldn't work for the OP and her husband anyway:

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Now, the MIL and SIL accuse the OP of being selfish:

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Creating an open forum for discussion can encourage empathy and reduce feelings of exclusion.

A Redditor said it's not about the MIL and SIL, thus the OP is right

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The OP's husband should speak to his mother and sister

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The MIL’s planned four-day visit around the birth sounds generous on paper, until you remember OP and her husband already had their own plan.

Redditors told the OP not to worry about her MIL's feelings. The MIL wasn't supportive of their pregnancy, nor did she care for the OP.

She's just jealous that the OP's mother will be the first to see their grandchild. Her actions are not driven by love but by competition.

MIL is whack

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MIL is just jealous because the OP's mother actually wants to help them

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"Ask her if she's feeling okay?"

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The OP shouldn't be worrying about her MIL's feelings

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MIL makes this about herself

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The OP's husband should have an honest conversation with his mother

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Then the SIL and MIL hit OP with the “selfish” accusations, even though the MIL wasn’t supportive of the pregnancy in the first place.

This situation highlights the intricate web of family dynamics, particularly when values clash over significant life events like childbirth. The mother-in-law's initial resistance to the idea of a third grandchild reveals a lack of alignment with the parents' desires, which can create tension. By fostering open communication, the family could potentially navigate these differing expectations more effectively, leading to stronger relationships rather than conflict.

The MIL didn’t miss the baby, she missed the spotlight, and that’s why the family dinner got ugly.

Still arguing about who pays what? See why one AITA poster refused to split luxury travel costs.