Two Women Butt Heads After Having Wildly Different Miscarriage Experiences

Trauma happens every day, and many people don't recover as quickly as others. They face multiple obstacles or shut down from the world before they can finally stand up and say they're okay.

However, it's not the same for everyone; some people are less affected by a traumatic experience, and they should be proud of how they handle it. But those who struggle might not accept that there's another way of being okay without having to suffer immensely, leaving a bitter taste in their mouths.

In an 'Am I The Asshole' subreddit post, an OP shared her confusion about being painted as the bad guy in a conflict between her and her sister-in-law (SIL). It all started when she had a miscarriage.

Not only was it not her first pregnancy, but it was also unexpected, and she wasn't as upset about the miscarriage as her sister-in-law had been about her own. OP stated it was painful, but she was generally okay.

Her sister-in-law, who had a miscarriage years ago when she was five months along, kept telling OP how she must have been devastated. When OP denied it, the SIL ignored her and insisted that she was still grieving with a clouded mind.

This is OP's post in the subreddit

ggggghj_ ggggghj_

No two loss experiences are the same.

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Sometimes you just have to snap to get a point across.

ggggghj_ ggggghj_

Goodness...

ggggghj_ ggggghj_ ggggghj_

OP's SIL pushed and, at one point, told OP that she would call the leader of a child loss support group she was in to have her join. This led OP to tell her that it wasn't necessary and to remind her again that she wasn't as upset.

OP also told her that she was fine having her three adopted kids and wouldn't need a fourth. This triggered the SIL, who then accused OP of being dismissive of other people who experienced trauma.

The SIL also made comments about OP's children not being her real children since they weren't biologically related. She then left in tears.

OP's brother-in-law told her that they wouldn't attend family gatherings unless she apologized to her SIL, while the family members who witnessed the conflict agreed that her SIL was being unreasonable. Some of them believe she should apologize just to keep the peace.

SIL was trying to provoke emotions from OP when she had already made peace with what happened

Stoat__King

(cont.) What kind of display does SIL need for her to believe someone is grieving?

Stoat__King

Would it be like this one, with all the screaming and tears?

indigowulf

They had the same struggle in hindsight, but it wasn't the same situation, nor were they the same person.

starview67

(cont.) First of all, OP explained the difference between their pregnancies.

starview67

Still a continuation of the comment

starview67

The SIL's belief that OP's adopted children are not really her kids opens up a whole load of questions.

starview67 Pickles_Negotiable

Everything was a possible miscommunication until OP's SIL brought up her issue with the kids.

GooseCooks

It might have been something she had been thinking about regarding OP's kids, and it all came out.

Legitimately-Weird

OP's kids finding out what she said would not only create a rift between OP and her SIL but possibly a bigger one with her whole family.

SharpCookie232

OP didn't even start anything.

mcmurrml

OP might have said something dismissive to her SIL in the end, but it was reasonable after being hounded about her feelings.

indigowulf

OP and her husband were advised to ensure that the kids haven't heard any hurtful words.

ithadtobeducks

It's within OP and her husband's rights to protect their kids, regardless of what SIL thinks of them.

cheerful_cynic

There was no accountability on the SIL's part.

Maskydoo

OP's SIL tried to bring her down into a dark spiral and became nasty when OP stood her ground and refused.

letstrythisagain30

We all don't deal with trauma the same way, especially if the trauma varies in how it is received. There might be a five-step journey to being okay or a ten-step one, but that doesn't mean you should expect someone to be on the same level as you are.

It's better to support each other than to wish for others to feel the same as you do in order to feel validated. OP was made to feel like what she went through didn't matter because of how she reacted differently than her SIL.

Do you think OP was in the wrong, or do you think SIL needs to apologize? Let us know in the comments.