Teen Resents Mom for Abandoning Him When He Was Five, Treats Her Icily When Forced to Live with Her Family Even Though They All Try to Make Amends

An affair altered the relationship between mother and son, even a decade later. When the OP was five years old, his mom had an affair with another man.

His mom left OP with his dad. OP barely saw his mom for two years, and she completely disappeared after that. Eventually, OP was also abandoned by his dad.

OP was convinced his father couldn't handle the responsibility of raising him alone or didn't want a reminder of OP's mom. He was sent to live with one of his maternal aunts.

OP was set to live with his paternal grandmother when his aunt died of cancer. To his surprise and dismay, his mom showed up to take him.

It was the first time in nine years that OP saw his mother. He felt awkward as she hugged and kissed him as if nothing had happened.

She married her affair partner and had three kids with him. Since living with them, OP has spent most of his time in his room because he doesn't have much to do.

OP generally ignores his mom and her husband. They have tried to include him in their family activities, but OP doesn't enjoy watching his mom play the perfect family when his childhood was the opposite.

His Mom's Husband Tried to Earn OP's Affection

He learned that OP enjoyed tennis, so he got him tennis lessons and suggested going to a match.

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OP Hated How His Mom's Husband Introduced Him to His Friends as His Son

This happened when they ran into a friend of his at a grocery store.

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He Said That OP Wasn't in Any of Their Family Pictures Because He Lived with a Relative

When they got in the car, OP told him never to refer to himself as his father because he only knows him as a homewrecker.

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Exploring the Roots of Resentment

Dr. Emily Carter, a developmental psychologist, notes that feelings of abandonment in childhood can significantly influence adult relationships.

When a child feels neglected, they may develop a heightened sensitivity to perceived rejection, leading to difficulties in forming stable, trusting relationships later in life.

Research published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology supports this, indicating that early attachment experiences shape future emotional responses.

OP's Mom Cried When Her Husband Told Her About What Happened

OP said he couldn't wait to turn 18 to leave and never see their family again.

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OP Locked Himself in His Room and Ignored Them When They Tried to Talk to Him

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OP Hasn't Had Stability Since He Was Five Years Old

His pent-up anger is more than justified.

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The relationship dynamics described here suggest a classic case of ambivalent attachment, where the individual struggles with trust and emotional closeness due to past trauma.

Studies show that these attachment styles can lead to defensive behaviors, such as emotional distancing or coldness towards caregivers, which can persist into adulthood.

Understanding this pattern allows individuals to address the root causes of their feelings and reactions in relationships.

Unfortunately, OP Can No Longer Live with His Grandmother

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Could His Mom's Affair Partner Be OP's Biological Father?

OP didn't want to think about it, and to him, that made their situation even worse.

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OP Reiterated in Another Comment That He Has No Interest in Finding Out the Truth About His Paternity

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The Challenge of Forgiveness in Family Dynamics

Forgiveness is a complex psychological process that often involves deep emotional work, particularly when abandonment issues are at play.

According to research from psychologists at the University of California, forgiveness can lead to significant emotional relief and improved relational dynamics.

This process, however, requires time and often professional guidance to navigate feelings of hurt and betrayal effectively.

If His Mom's Affair Partner Was His Biological Father, Then OP's Father Is Also in the Dark

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OP Posted an Update

His mom and her husband have been apologetic to him. They proposed going to family counseling instead of the solo therapy OP wanted.

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OP Agreed but Would Tell the Therapist He Wanted a Solo Session

It's sneaky, but it is the only way he could get the help he needs.

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Seeking therapy can be a valuable step for both mother and son, allowing them to explore their past grievances in a safe and structured environment.

Therapeutic interventions can support the development of healthier communication patterns and facilitate emotional healing.

Studies suggest that individuals who engage in therapy often experience improved emotional regulation and relationship satisfaction.

OP Shared an Update Six Months After His Original Post

His mom's husband bought him a car for his 17th birthday and proposed adopting him.

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OP Feels Sorry for Them Sometimes Because He Knows They Are Trying Hard to Connect with Him

He and his mom are more amicable, but OP still doesn't trust her.

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He Committed to Going to Therapy and Has Been Better for It

He will continue living with his mom and try to make her husband pay for his college education.

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Building a New Foundation

Creating a new, healthier relationship dynamic will require both parties to actively participate in rebuilding trust and emotional safety.

Research indicates that open dialogue about past grievances, coupled with a commitment to understanding each other's perspectives, can foster reconciliation.

This approach aligns with findings published in the American Journal of Psychology, emphasizing the importance of shared vulnerability in healing familial relationships.

OP is basically in survival mode. He is keeping his head down to maintain peace until he is old enough to move out and make decisions for himself.

It's clear that OP is more resentful of his mother than he is of his father. He will eventually realize that they both failed him, not just his mom.

Psychological Analysis

This scenario highlights the lingering effects of childhood abandonment on adult relationships. The son’s resentment likely stems from unresolved pain and a feeling of betrayal that can manifest as coldness towards his mother.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Ultimately, the path to healing and understanding in this relationship is complex but achievable.

As emphasized in psychological literature, recognizing the effects of past trauma is crucial for creating a healthier future.