Mom of Four Tries to Undo Years of Brainwashing Her Bitter Ex Inflicted on Their Children; Redditors Share Their Stories

A mom of four is navigating a complex situation involving her two oldest children and her husband of ten years. OP had two children when she and Adam met.

Her ex-partner left when OP was pregnant with their daughter, Eliza. She met Andrew a year after giving birth to Eliza.

Months later, OP introduced Andrew to her children. Her ex was unhappy that OP had found someone new and moved on from him.

OP informed Andrew about the contentious relationship she has with her ex. He declared that he liked her and wasn't bothered by what her ex thought of their relationship.

OP and her ex had split custody of their children. Her ex successfully turned their children against OP, Andrew, and their relationship.

OP's kids were outright hostile to Andrew when they were younger. OP corrected them when they shared what their father said about Andrew, but her kids remained loyal to their father.

They believed OP was too blinded by her love for Andrew to see the truth. They doubted Andrew's intentions when he showed his support for them by attending their recitals or when he made breakfast for them.

They thought Andrew's treatment of them was his attempt to steal them away from their father. OP went to court against her ex because of his blatant attempts at parental alienation.

She didn't want her children to be used as pawns. Andrew was told to stop poisoning their children against OP, but things didn't improve.

She and her children went to therapy, both individually and as a family. OP learned the proper tools to mitigate the damage that threatened their family.

They eventually reached a point of civility. Her older children have no emotional ties to Andrew. They stopped being hostile to him and learned how to coexist around him when they are in OP's house.

u/Pure-Field-3470

If anyone referred to them as Andrew's kids or accidentally called Andrew their dad/stepdad, the temporary peace they brokered would shatter.

u/Pure-Field-3470

OP's parents are on Team Andrew. They think he is an amazing person and praise him for being the better father figure.

u/Pure-Field-3470

The Impact of Parental Influence

Parental influence shapes children's beliefs, behaviors, and relational patterns throughout their lives. According to Dr. Madeline Levine, a renowned child psychologist, "Negative parental messaging can create barriers to self-esteem and healthy relationships." The mother's struggle to counteract her ex-husband's influence highlights the challenges many parents face in fostering positive environments for their children. Dr. Shefali Tsabary, a leading parenting expert, emphasizes that "the emotional health of children is deeply intertwined with the messages they receive from their parents." Understanding the long-lasting effects of parental messaging is crucial for therapeutic interventions and family dynamics.

They didn't like his chilly relationship with OP's children. They said he shouldn't ignore OP's older kids since he is also their father.

u/Pure-Field-3470

OP explained to her parents why they, as a family, do not refer to Andrew as a parental figure for her older children. They said they understood, but they repeated their mistake the next time they were all together. OP kicked them out before the situation worsened because her older children were already upset by what they heard.

u/Pure-Field-3470

It took years and a lot of therapy for OP to see this much progress in her family. Considering where they started, it's an incredible improvement.

Thin_Biscotti_7815, Pure-Field-3470

Furthermore, children exposed to conflicting parental narratives often develop confusion and anxiety regarding their identities and relationships. According to Dr. Judith Wallerstein's research on divorce and its impact on children, such dynamics can lead to attachment issues and a lack of trust in future relationships. The mother's efforts to undo harmful messaging may require comprehensive support, including therapy and open communication with her children.

Encouraging honest discussions about feelings and experiences can help children process mixed messages and foster healthier relationships with both parents.

Their home life sounds complicated and fragile, but it's the best for OP's children. They are making many compromises to protect the kids. They are good parents.

Gypsyheartwanderer

There may be hope for OP's kids to realize what was done to them once they are older.

sadferrarifan

In this case, indifference is the best they could hope for.

thatmidwesterngothic, Pure-Field-3470

The Role of Therapy in Healing

Therapy can play a pivotal role in addressing the psychological ramifications of negative parental influence. According to Dr. Ross Greene, child psychologist, "Therapeutic interventions can help children and parents navigate complex emotional landscapes." Techniques such as family therapy and individual counseling can facilitate better communication and understanding within the family. For the mother, seeking support from a mental health professional can help her develop strategies to counteract her ex-husband's influence and strengthen her relationship with her children. As Dr. Lawrence Cohen, child psychologist states, "Building a strong connection with children is essential for fostering resilience against negative influences."

Before learning how to handle their complicated situation through therapy, OP punished her kids for disrespecting Andrew.

Baldassm

It didn't work. It actually made their home more tense. Their current setup works for all of them.

Pure-Field-3470

OP already explained the situation to her parents. It's their fault for not listening to her clear boundaries.

TeenySod

OP and Andrew are already doing everything they can to ensure that her children have enough support to one day decide what will be right for them in the future.

Angry_ACoN

What OP and Andrew are doing takes time, but it can work.

Angry_ACoN

OP fears that her children will one day decide to cut ties with her. Nevertheless, she will persist and work with them.

Pure-Field-3470

OP must be exhausted tiptoeing around her kids. However, she recognizes that they were made vulnerable by their father's manipulation.

OP is fighting to keep her family together with the odds stacked against her. If she continues to reinforce their boundaries, there may be a chance that she could accomplish her goal.

Psychological Analysis

This situation underscores the complexities of co-parenting and the potential long-term effects of negative parental messaging. It's essential for parents to work collaboratively to support their children's emotional health and foster resilience in the face of conflicting narratives.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, recognizing the profound impact of parental influence on children's development is essential for fostering healthier familial relationships. Through therapy and open communication, families can work toward healing and rebuilding trust. As highlighted in psychological research, addressing these dynamics is crucial for long-term emotional well-being.