Redditors In Shock As Woman Plans Her Ailing Mom's Funeral While Alive And Doesn't Want Her Cousin To Attend

For a family, a funeral can reveal difficult issues at a very sensitive and emotional moment. Family disputes should not, however, take precedence over paying respect to the deceased person's life.

Some families decide to set limits on who is allowed and who is not allowed to attend the funeral in order to ensure that it is a time for grieving rather than the beginning of a huge argument. Limiting the number of people who are allowed to attend the funeral may cause some hurt, but it also helps avoid dramatic events that could turn the funeral into a stressful occasion rather than a celebration of the life of the deceased.

Restricting the number of attendees at a funeral can also help a family save a substantial sum of money. If a family member with whom you are angry gets in touch with you, it's best to let them know that although you would love to have them come, you are worried that it would cause conflict during the funeral.

For the OP of today's story, she didn't want her cousin around during her mom's funeral. But the problem here is that OP's mom is not even dead yet; she's just not in the best of health.

As kids, the OP and her cousin Melanie lived next door to each other in a very rural area, and they did everything together. But it's a different story now that they are adults, and you can get the full gist below.

The headline

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And the story kicks off...

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Navigating Grief and Family Dynamics

When someone plans a funeral for a living parent, it often raises complex emotional responses within families. Dr. Linda Martinez, a family therapist, explains that such actions can stem from anticipatory grief, where individuals begin processing the potential loss before it occurs.

Research shows that anticipatory grief can manifest in various ways, including planning and organizing, as a means of regaining a sense of control during a tumultuous time.

Melanie decided that life was too short

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It's going to be a deeply emotional time for the OP

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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the AH:

I am planning on banning my cousin from my mom's funeral. 2) Would I be the AH and be seen as further "stirring the pot" for banning her rather than making an honest effort to extend the olive branch?

And the comments roll in...

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They may not be close anymore

Reddit/Taliyahna70

However, this situation can create tension, especially if family members feel excluded from the decision-making process. A psychologist specializing in family conflict notes that feelings of resentment can build when one person takes control, potentially fracturing relationships among siblings or relatives.

Studies in interpersonal psychology highlight that open communication is crucial in these scenarios, as it can help mitigate misunderstandings and foster unity in times of grief.

Unless she's trying to ruin you

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The OP seems vengeful

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As left by the OP in the comments...

She does not owe me a thing, in reality. The situation with the check was a little over 30 years ago, the reconciliation was a few years later, and then the rebound to shutting me out again was about 15 years ago, so it's been a while.I believe I have actually decided to be the bigger person and just not give her free rent anymore, as you said. That's probably the best and healthiest thing that I can do for any of us.

She cares for the OP's mom

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OP's judgment is flawed

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Understanding the Emotional Landscape of Death Preparation

Preparing for death is a deeply emotional process that often brings up unresolved family dynamics. Research indicates that unresolved conflicts can resurface, complicating the grieving process and leading to additional stress for family members.

Experts suggest that addressing these underlying issues before a loss can aid in smoother transitions and healthier grieving experiences.

They need to grieve

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It's not an invitation-only thing

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Practical steps for navigating family dynamics during this time include family meetings where everyone can express their thoughts and feelings. Facilitating open discussions about each member's wishes can create a shared understanding and alleviate some of the emotional burdens associated with planning.

Moreover, involving a neutral third party, such as a therapist, can help mediate these discussions and ensure that all voices are heard.

Psychological Analysis

Our in-house psychologist notes that planning a funeral while a loved one is still alive can trigger deep-seated fears of loss and abandonment. This action often reflects an attempt to prepare emotionally for inevitable grief, which, while understandable, can lead to feelings of isolation among family members if not communicated effectively.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

The dynamics of planning for a loved one's funeral while they are still alive are fraught with emotional complexity. According to research in family psychology, addressing these dynamics through open communication can significantly improve the grieving process.

By fostering an environment of understanding and support, families can navigate this challenging time more cohesively.

Redditors were shocked that the OP was thinking of using her mother's funeral to exact revenge on her cousin because they are upset with each other. The OP is the one who caused the issue, and things passed on after her cousin eventually forgave her, and now they're back at square one.

At all these gatherings, OP's the one who is paying attention to her, as she could have talked to other people who were present. Eventually, she was declared the AH.

The Role of Communication in Grief

Communication plays a pivotal role in how families navigate grief and loss. Dr. Mark Johnson from Harvard Medical School emphasizes that when family members openly discuss their feelings, it can lead to healthier grieving processes.

Research shows that families who engage in honest conversations about death and dying tend to experience less emotional turmoil, allowing for a more cohesive grieving journey.

Encouraging families to utilize tools like grief journals or memorial planning workshops can foster communication and shared understanding. These resources can help families articulate their emotions and preferences while honoring the wishes of their loved ones.

Additionally, providing access to support groups can create a safe space for sharing feelings and experiences, further promoting emotional healing.