Mother Abandoned Daughter At Age 5 And Wants To Reconnect 16 Years Later, But The Girl Rejects Her Attempts

We're back again today with another awesome AITA thread post from Reddit, where people come to get unbiased opinions and advice from those who don't know them. Sometimes, it's just better to talk to people on the internet and get a real opinion on how they behaved, rather than ask those around you who might have a biased perspective.

This thread is one that we often revisit because people usually have so much to say in the comments about it. With that said, we are diving into a post today that was submitted by a girl who wants to know if she's wrong for not allowing her mother back into her life.

Her mom left her when she was 5, and it's been 16 years now, but she's back to "be a mother" now. OP isn't excited, and she feels like her mom can't come back after all this time and just expect things to be okay and normal.

She doesn't want to allow her back into her life, but if you're interested in hearing more about the story and seeing the full post, then keep on reading as we provide you with the post and all the best comments on it as well.

OP's post was pretty straightforward, and she started by explaining her situation with her mom and how she left.

u/Harleighsaiyangirl

This is when she goes into the details of what happened and what they said about everything after she left.

u/Harleighsaiyangirl

I'm still stuck on how, 5 years later, she wasn't ready to be a mother but had been one for 5 years.

Scarlet_sunset01

The Psychology of Abandonment

The situation with the mother and daughter reflects deep psychological themes related to abandonment and attachment. According to Dr. John Bowlby's attachment theory, early experiences with caregivers shape our emotional responses and perceptions of relationships throughout life.

When a caregiver abandons a child, it can lead to lasting feelings of unworthiness and distrust, complicating the possibility of reconnection later in life.

The Emotional Impact of Abandonment

The experience of abandonment, especially at a young age, can have profound emotional consequences.

Dr. Judith Lewis Herman, a renowned trauma expert, emphasizes that abandonment can lead to feelings of unworthiness and a deep-seated fear of rejection.

The daughter's rejection of her mother's attempts to reconnect reflects a protective mechanism rooted in these painful experiences.

I wouldn't trust her either because she doesn't know her, and her mom doesn't know OP.

WinEquivalent4069

This was definitely a problem on her part because she should have known that OP may not have been as open to this.

Godnessy4

People do agree that OP is NTA and that she has a right to feel any type of way about this situation.

Candid-Quail-9927

Research in developmental psychology emphasizes that the impacts of abandonment can manifest as anxiety and avoidance in adult relationships. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that individuals with abandonment issues often struggle with intimacy and may push others away to protect themselves from potential hurt.

Recognizing these patterns can help individuals understand their emotional responses and facilitate healing.

Research in attachment theory indicates that early experiences of abandonment can significantly impact adult relationships.

Individuals who have been abandoned may develop anxieties and fears around intimacy, making it difficult to form secure attachments.

Recognizing these patterns is crucial for understanding the daughter's response to her mother's outreach.

These emotions are absolutely normal, and we feel that OP definitely has a right to feel this way after everything.

IncoherentTuatara

Nobody is owed forgiveness really puts things into perspective because she's absolutely not owed that.

Apsara7

This is probably exactly why she came back now and not at the time she did, which is not okay at all.

No-Mango8923

The Challenge of Reconnection

Reconnecting with a parent after years of absence can be a complex emotional process. According to Dr. Judith Herman, trauma recovery often involves navigating feelings of ambivalence and mistrust, particularly when dealing with unresolved abandonment issues.

This complexity can lead to a push-pull dynamic, where the individual desires connection but simultaneously fears vulnerability.

Understanding the Role of Trust

Trust is a fundamental component of healthy relationships, and its disruption can lead to significant emotional challenges.

Dr. John Bowlby, a pioneer in attachment theory, posits that trust is developed through consistent and reliable interactions with caregivers.

The mother's absence likely disrupted this trust, causing the daughter to guard her emotions and distance herself from potential hurt.

We're not sure what the mom was expecting because she couldn't have anticipated her daughter to come with open arms.

Stunning-Cry-5165

Abandonment is real, and it's a very hard thing to deal with, especially when you can remember everything and they come back 16 years later.

ptazdba

She is doing this for herself, and it's not okay at all; it's selfish.

BabsieAllen

Therapeutic interventions can play a crucial role in addressing the emotional fallout of abandonment. Research shows that trauma-informed therapy can help individuals process their feelings and develop healthier coping strategies.

Encouraging individuals to seek professional support can foster growth and healing in relationships marked by abandonment.

Reconnecting after a long absence can evoke complex emotions, including anger and resentment.

Research shows that individuals who have experienced abandonment may struggle with feelings of betrayal when faced with attempts at reconnection.

Understanding these emotional responses can help facilitate more compassionate dialogues between the mother and daughter.

This situation is really sad because it seems like the mom is coming back for selfish reasons, and overall, she can't expect her kids to be there with open arms. Overall, OP is NTA because her feelings are definitely valid, and dealing with it is extremely hard, especially as a kid.

What do you think?

The Importance of Open Communication

Open communication is vital for rebuilding trust and understanding in relationships.

Dr. Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication model emphasizes the importance of expressing feelings and needs without blame.

Encouraging both parties to engage in open dialogue can help bridge the emotional gap created by years of separation.

Empathy plays a crucial role in healing after abandonment.

Research indicates that empathetic communication can enhance understanding and connection between individuals.

Encouraging the mother to approach her daughter with empathy can create a more supportive environment for rebuilding their relationship.

Navigating Complex Emotions

Understanding and validating complex emotions is essential when addressing abandonment issues.

Research in emotional intelligence suggests that recognizing and expressing feelings can lead to healthier interactions.

Encouraging both the mother and daughter to explore their emotions can facilitate healing and understanding.

Ultimately, healing from abandonment requires time and patience.

Research shows that rebuilding trust and connection can be a gradual process, often requiring ongoing support.

Encouraging both parties to seek therapy or counseling can provide a safe space for exploring their emotions and experiences.

Practical Steps for Rebuilding Relationships

To begin rebuilding their relationship, both the mother and daughter can start by establishing clear communication channels.

Engaging in active listening and expressing feelings without judgment can create a foundation for understanding.

Setting small, achievable goals for their interactions can also foster a sense of progress and connection.

Participating in joint activities can help rebuild their bond.

Research shows that shared experiences can enhance emotional connections and create positive memories.

Encouraging both parties to engage in activities they enjoy can foster a sense of togetherness and healing.

Psychological Analysis

The emotional repercussions of abandonment are often profound and complex. When individuals experience abandonment, their capacity to trust and connect with others can be significantly affected. Encouraging both parties to engage in open, empathetic communication is essential for healing and rebuilding their relationship.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Abandonment experiences can shape emotional responses and impact relationships for a lifetime.

Research supports the idea that rebuilding trust and connection requires empathy, open communication, and patience.

Ultimately, fostering understanding and compassion can lead to healing and the potential for reconnection between the mother and daughter.

The Importance of Boundaries

Establishing boundaries is essential when navigating relationships impacted by abandonment. According to Dr. Henry Cloud, boundaries are vital in maintaining emotional safety and promoting healthy interactions.

Encouraging open discussions about boundaries can help individuals articulate their needs and foster a more respectful dynamic in relationships.

Understanding the emotional weight of abandonment can foster empathy and compassion. Research from the University of Michigan emphasizes that acknowledging the feelings of abandonment can pave the way for healing and reconnection.

Encouraging individuals to approach these discussions with empathy can lead to more constructive conversations and improved relational dynamics.

Navigating the Path to Forgiveness

Forgiveness can be a challenging yet transformative process for those affected by abandonment. According to Dr. Fred Luskin, forgiveness therapy can help individuals release the emotional burdens associated with abandonment and resentment.

Encouraging individuals to explore forgiveness as a pathway to healing can promote emotional growth and healthier relationships.

Ultimately, navigating the complexities of abandonment requires a combination of self-awareness, empathy, and professional support. Recognizing the psychological impacts of abandonment can empower individuals to pursue healing and foster healthier relationships in the future.

By emphasizing the importance of boundaries and open communication, individuals can create pathways to reconnection.

Psychological Analysis

This situation illustrates the profound emotional challenges associated with abandonment and reconnection. It's essential to recognize that these feelings stem from deep-seated attachment wounds that require careful navigation.

Encouraging empathy and open communication can facilitate healing and foster healthier relationships moving forward.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, the emotional landscape of abandonment is complex and deeply rooted in our early experiences. Understanding these dynamics can facilitate healing and improve relational outcomes.

Ultimately, fostering self-awareness and empathy can help individuals navigate the challenges of reconnection and promote healthier relationships.