Redditor Refuses To Speak To Her "Not-Father" Even Though He Has Cancer

From an early age, OP's life took a dramatic turn when she discovered that the man she had known as her father was not her biological parent. This revelation led to abandonment, divorce, and financial hardships for her and her mother.

The man who had played a pivotal role in her life promptly exited, leaving OP and her mother to navigate a difficult path on their own.

As the years passed, OP's feelings of resentment grew, and she found herself at odds with her estranged father. Despite this strained relationship, life threw another curveball: her father was diagnosed with cancer.

OP's two older half-brothers and her father's stepdaughter were out of state due to school, and his wife was also dealing with health issues. This left OP's mother as the primary caregiver, chauffeuring him to and from chemotherapy sessions.

In a twist of fate, OP's father reached out to her, requesting her help in transporting him to his treatments. OP, feeling the weight of the past, declined the request.

Her reasoning was rooted in the fact that he had repeatedly made it clear she wasn't considered family. The hurtful history and the sense of abandonment had left their mark, creating a chasm between them that was hard to bridge.

Despite OP's refusal, her mother chose to extend her support by providing care and driving him to appointments. This difference in response led to a growing conflict between mother and daughter, each grappling with their perspectives and emotions.

The story takes an interesting turn when OP's siblings, her father's stepdaughter, and her brothers fly in to support him. Her brother approaches her, urging her to speak to their father.

OP remains steadfast in her stance, refusing to engage in a conversation she believes will not change anything. Her conviction is rooted in her belief that familial obligations should not be summoned selectively, especially when she has been made to feel like an outsider for so long.

OP is now left wondering if she's in the wrong in this situation, so she turned to Reddit for help.

OP's "father" discovered that he wasn't her biological father when she was 7 years old, and he divorced her mom

u/Professional_Rush_24

OP's dad ended up remarrying a few years later to a woman who had a daughter

u/Professional_Rush_24

When OP's high school was organizing a father-daughter dance, OP and her friends vandalized the "father's" car

u/Professional_Rush_24

The Impact of Abandonment

The experience of abandonment can leave profound scars on an individual's psyche, often resulting in complex emotional responses. Research indicates that children who experience abandonment may develop attachment issues, leading to difficulties in forming trusting relationships in adulthood.

Dr. Mary Main, a prominent figure in attachment theory, explains that these early disruptions can lead to a fearful or dismissive attachment style, which affects how one relates to others later in life.

One day, he called OP's mom to ask if she could drive him to chemotherapy

u/Professional_Rush_24

OP's mom is helping him by bringing him casseroles and driving him around

u/Professional_Rush_24

OP doesn't want to speak to him despite all the people convincing her

u/Professional_Rush_24

In this case, the Redditor's decision to refuse contact with their 'not-father' is a protective response rooted in past trauma. Studies show that individuals often use avoidance as a coping mechanism to shield themselves from further emotional pain.

According to research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, avoidance can provide temporary relief but often perpetuates long-term emotional distress.

OP provided an edit to the story, explaining a few more things

u/Professional_Rush_24

That might make more sense for the mom

u/MasterK999

OP owes him nothing

u/Lisbei

Navigating Complex Emotions

Complex emotions arise when individuals face conflicting feelings about relationships, especially those tainted by betrayal. The concept of ambivalence in relationships, as discussed by Dr. Helen Fisher, highlights how emotions can be both positive and negative toward the same person.

This ambivalence often complicates decision-making and can lead to feelings of guilt or confusion, making it challenging to navigate personal boundaries.

They're not respecting OP's boundaries

u/Nonya-bidnaz

On Reddit, a vast community known for its varied opinions and candid discussions, there is a prevailing sentiment regarding OP's situation: she should unequivocally stand her ground. Many Redditors emphasize the importance of personal boundaries and believe that no individual should be coerced into actions or decisions they're uncomfortable with.

In OP's case, the matter pertains to her relationship with her father. If she chooses not to forgive him, then that decision, according to the Reddit community, should be respected.

To address these complex emotions, individuals may benefit from therapeutic interventions that focus on emotional processing. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has shown effectiveness in helping individuals reframe their narratives around past traumas and develop healthier coping strategies.

It’s vital for the Redditor to recognize that their feelings are valid and to seek support in processing these emotions, which can facilitate healing and clarity in their personal relationships.

Psychological Analysis

The situation described highlights the complex interplay of abandonment and emotional trauma. OP’s refusal to engage with her estranged father, especially in light of his illness, reflects a deep-seated need to protect herself from further hurt, which is a common response for those with unresolved attachment issues. It’s important for her to recognize that her feelings are valid and that seeking support could help her navigate these complicated emotions and make peace with her past.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In summary, the impacts of abandonment can resonate deeply throughout one's life, shaping emotional responses and relationship dynamics. Research indicates that understanding and processing these feelings is essential for personal growth.

As noted by the American Psychological Association, therapeutic support can help individuals reclaim their narratives and foster healthier relationships moving forward.