Dad Draws Hard Line On Pocket Money, Claims It “Wasn’t His Agreement”, Sparks Marriage Showdown

A Redditor has sparked debate online after sharing a surprisingly heated disagreement with his wife — and it all revolves around pocket money. What started as a small parenting detail quickly snowballed into a full-blown standoff over boundaries, communication, and principle.

The OP, a 32-year-old father of four, explained that his two oldest sons, aged 14 and 12, receive weekend pocket money from their mom. The problem is that this arrangement was never discussed, agreed upon, or clearly communicated to him.

Because the couple works alternating shifts, the boys often ask the OP for their money when he’s the parent at home. Unfortunately, he usually has no idea how much they’re meant to get — or whether they should get any at all.

On multiple occasions, this lack of clarity caused friction. Once, the OP sent money, not knowing the boys had lost the privilege due to misbehavior, earning him a frustrated response from his wife.

Other times, the boys claimed their mom had promised extra cash for additional chores. The OP refused, citing zero confirmation, which again left everyone annoyed and the kids sulking.

Eventually, the OP decided he was done being the middleman. He set a firm boundary: pocket money was between the boys and their mum, and he would no longer be involved.

Things came to a head when his eldest asked again and was told no. The wife sent a smartwatch message saying she approved, but still didn’t specify an amount.

The OP refused to budge, leading to tense text exchanges throughout the day. His wife accused him of being unhelpful and ridiculous, while he maintained that the issue wasn’t his responsibility.

When they finally spoke, she wanted an apology for his tone and for him to back down. He refused, saying the real issue was that his boundary had been ignored repeatedly.

The OP admitted the situation was petty and had escalated unnecessarily. Still, he felt standing his ground mattered more than avoiding short-term conflict.

The boys often ask the OP for their money when he’s the parent at home.

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Here's the original post by Reddit user 'Woodsy594'.

My wife (32f) and I (32m) have 4 children together. The two oldest are 14m and 12m. My wife gives them pocket money at the weekend, not something we have ever discussed or agreed upon. I have no issue, so as long as they have behaved, cool! My wife and I work shifts on each others days off. Alternating each weekend between us.So the boys have taken to asking me for their pocket money when I'm home. I have no idea what's been agreed by my wife and she doesnt tell me either. She works in a hospital and doesn't have access to her phone for long periods of time. So asking her how much they get, sometimes doesn't get answered until too late in the day for them to go to the shops and buy snacks.Due to the lack of communication, it has ended up with me getting wrong on three occasions, leading my wife to have a pop at me. First, they had misbehaved and had the pocket money revoked. I wasn't aware, sent them money and wife wasn't happy. Second and third time, they claimed they had done extra housework and Mum had said they could have more. I refused to give the increased amount because I knew nothing of it, wife got miffed again. Boys moping and moaning all day because they didn't get what SHE had promised them.So I from that point on, I point blank refused to give them pocket money as it's not agreed or promised by me. Nor am I informed as to how much to whom. This morning, eldest asks for pocket money and I tell him "No. I've told you before multiple times, I'm not doing it. It's between you and Mum. Not me". He messages Mum and she replies through Smart Watch saying "Show him this message to say I've said yes". That was all.I refused and have had multiple strongly worded argumentative text messages between wife and me through the day. Me not backing down and firmly standing my ground repeating that its not my agreement, not for me to resolve. Her telling me I'm being ridiculous and to just help out. Still not giving me an amount to send either. Came to a head where she called me to clear the air, I maintained my position, she wants an apology for how I spoke and I am refusing. She wants me to back down and accept that I am being ridiculous and in the wrong. I want her to accept that this is not my situation to resolve, if she wants them to have pocket money, that's for her to sort. Not me.Yes, I am aware this is petty. Yes, I am aware this has blown out of proportion and caused a lot more stress than is necessary. However, I set a boundary. It has been ignored multiple times and I am sick of being ignored. The final straw. So, Reddit Companions, AITA for standing my ground and refusing to send our sons their pocket money? Fully expecting ESH.Edit: We are living together. Not separated or divorced. Or close to being either. Due to our own individual circumstances we find confrontation difficult until it becomes so overwhelming that it's unavoidable. Otherwise, we are a very happy healthy unit. The boys are just knobs that ignore instructions 99% of the time and need things repeated constantly to pay attention. Situation is now resolved, if anyone can tell me how to lock this now, that would be great thanks! Cheers for some very amusing and misunderstood responses! Thank you for those who read fully and replied with logical and reasonable responses!

Here’s how the Reddit community reacted.

OK_LK

Discuss it properly with your wife.

TemptingPenguin369

“Don’t you guys communicate?”

melanie110

Why not talk about it in person?

randomschmandom123

“You need a better system.”

IncidentImaginary575

YTA.

religionlies2u

“You two need to learn how to communicate.”

Fearless_Spring5611

Childish behavior.

TheFishermansWife22

“The kids are playing you off against each other.”

mjr511

Forward-Dingo1431

ESH.

AdvancedDirt2116

NTA.

ruyrybeyro

“You’re a bad dad.”

mooncrane606

The Redditor later clarified they are happily married, living together, and not on the brink of separation. The issue has since been resolved, though the internet had plenty to say about who was actually in the wrong.