Dad Draws Hard Line On Pocket Money, Claims It “Wasn’t His Agreement”, Sparks Marriage Showdown

Dad thought pocket money was simple. Then his kids started treating his weekends at home like a vending machine, and suddenly every snack request came with a side of marital drama.

OP and his wife split shifts, alternating weekends. His wife handles pocket money at the weekend, but they never properly discussed the rules. So when the boys ask him for cash, he has no idea what was promised, what was revoked, or what “extra housework” apparently earns in their house. He gets it wrong three times, his wife snaps over the mistakes, and the kids spend the whole day sulking when they do not get what they were told they’d get.

And when OP finally draws a hard line, his wife fires back with a Smart Watch message that turns a parenting disagreement into a full-on marriage showdown.

The boys often ask the OP for their money when he’s the parent at home.

AI-generated image

Original Post

My wife (32f) and I (32m) have 4 children together. The two oldest are 14m and 12m. My wife gives them pocket money at the weekend, not something we have ever discussed or agreed upon. I have no issue, so as long as they have behaved, cool! My wife and I work shifts on each others days off. Alternating each weekend between us.

So the boys have taken to asking me for their pocket money when I'm home. I have no idea what's been agreed by my wife and she doesnt tell me either. She works in a hospital and doesn't have access to her phone for long periods of time. So asking her how much they get, sometimes doesn't get answered until too late in the day for them to go to the shops and buy snacks.Due to the lack of communication, it has ended up with me getting wrong on three occasions, leading my wife to have a pop at me. First, they had misbehaved and had the pocket money revoked. I wasn't aware, sent them money and wife wasn't happy. Second and third time, they claimed they had done extra housework and Mum had said they could have more. I refused to give the increased amount because I knew nothing of it, wife got miffed again. Boys moping and moaning all day because they didn't get what SHE had promised them.So I from that point on, I point blank refused to give them pocket money as it's not agreed or promised by me. Nor am I informed as to how much to whom. This morning, eldest asks for pocket money and I tell him "No. I've told you before multiple times, I'm not doing it. It's between you and Mum. Not me". He messages Mum and she replies through Smart Watch saying "Show him this message to say I've said yes". That was all.I refused and have had multiple strongly worded argumentative text messages between wife and me through the day. Me not backing down and firmly standing my ground repeating that its not my agreement, not for me to resolve. Her telling me I'm being ridiculous and to just help out. Still not giving me an amount to send either. She wants me to back down and accept that I am being ridiculous and in the wrong. I want her to accept that this is not my situation to resolve, if she wants them to have pocket money, that's for her to sort. Not me.Yes, I am aware this is petty. Yes, I am aware this has blown out of proportion and caused a lot more stress than is necessary. However, I set a boundary. It has been ignored multiple times and I am sick of being ignored. The final straw. So, Reddit Companions, AITA for standing my ground and refusing to send our sons their pocket money? Fully expecting ESH.Edit: We are living together. Not separated or divorced. Or close to being either. Due to our own individual circumstances we find confrontation difficult until it becomes so overwhelming that it's unavoidable. Otherwise, we are a very happy healthy unit. The boys are just knobs that ignore instructions 99% of the time and need things repeated constantly to pay attention. Situation is now resolved, if anyone can tell me how to lock this now, that would be great thanks! Cheers for some very amusing and misunderstood responses! Thank you for those who read fully and replied with logical and reasonable responses!

Here’s how the Reddit community reacted.

OK_LK

Discuss it properly with your wife.

TemptingPenguin369

“Don’t you guys communicate?”

melanie110

Why not talk about it in person?

randomschmandom123

“You need a better system.”

IncidentImaginary575

YTA.

religionlies2u

This pocket-money fight with the 14 and 12-year-old boys asking dad for cash is similar to the quick-service tipping debate over bubble tea and takeout.

“You two need to learn how to communicate.”

Fearless_Spring5611

Childish behavior.

TheFishermansWife22

“The kids are playing you off against each other.”

mjr511 Forward-Dingo1431

ESH.

AdvancedDirt2116

NTA.

ruyrybeyro

“You’re a bad dad.”

mooncrane606

That’s when the “boys ask the parent at home” routine stopped being harmless and started creating instant conflict between OP and his wife.</p>

The first time OP sent money after pocket money was revoked, it was already bad, but the second and third times were worse because the boys claimed Mum had changed the deal.</p>

OP’s solution was blunt, he refused to hand out pocket money at all since he was never told the agreement, and that refusal lit up their phones all day.</p>

Then this morning, the eldest asked again, OP said no, and his wife used a Smart Watch reply to try to override him in real time.</p>

The Redditor later clarified they are happily married, living together, and not on the brink of separation. The issue has since been resolved, though the internet had plenty to say about who was actually in the wrong.

Now OP is stuck wondering whether he’s defending the rules, or getting played by a system he never agreed to.

Wait, the bartender demanded a tip, and the AITA verdict got spicy, too in this tipping showdown.