Gym Guy Finds Out The Girl He Asked Out Is Racist During The Date And Leaves Her In The Restaurant

OP (original poster) shared his horrible first date on Reddit's Today I F*cked Up sub. OP met this cute girl at his gym and decided to shoot his shot after pining for her for quite some time.

The girl said yes, and OP quickly made reservations for them at a nice Korean barbecue restaurant. When they met up, they chose a seat by the bar while waiting for their table to be ready.

A few minutes of pleasant conversation later, they were told they could go to their reserved seats. When they arrived, the cute girl was apparently unfamiliar with the grill-it-yourself culture of these restaurants.

OP found that odd since their area has had a Korean barbecue place since the '90s. OP explained how the restaurant works, but then the date said, "But why do we have to do all the work? Isn't that their job?"

He explained again that this kind of setup can be fun if a person is open to it, and OP told her that they could just order from the à la carte menu if this wasn't her thing. The date replied, "Just make them do it for us."

The date called an elderly waitress over to grill the meat for them and serve it once it was cooked. The poor server had to hurry between tables just to flip the meat for them.

If you think you've seen enough to "nope" out of that date, well, OP hasn't, and he decided to move forward with the evening.

Below is the first part of OP's post:

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Understanding Implicit Bias in Relationships

Dr. Nancy White, a social psychologist, emphasizes that implicit biases can shape our perceptions and reactions in dating scenarios.

Her research indicates that these biases often operate unconsciously, influencing how we interpret others' behaviors.

This can lead to significant misunderstandings, especially when core values clash, as seen in this scenario.

OP saw red flags, but he ignored them because he was hoping for "adult time" after the date.

Ankit1000

By the end of the date, they both ordered desserts.

The waitress then came over to give her a menu. After she left the table, the date told him, "My God, this place is a nightmare. All these useless immigrants come into the country, don't even work, and eat up our tax dollars. Are they even legal?"

OP's date said this loud enough that a nearby table of POC heard it and gave her dirty looks. OP's date noticed this and loudly added, "Same goes here for these (slur racist word for Pakistanis)."

After hearing this, OP was shocked. He's Indian, and when she noticed his expression, the date quickly said, "Oh no, I don't mean Latinos; they're fine. I LOVE Mexican food."

Ankit1000

OP's date thought he was Latino because of his lack of a stereotypical Indian-American accent.

After they got the dessert, OP excused himself to go to the bathroom. He then paid the bill, left a generous tip, and walked out of the restaurant without letting her know.

OP blocked her number, and he is not looking forward to seeing her again at the gym. OP doesn't know if he did the right thing or acted like a complete jerk for leaving her there without transport.

Ankit1000

Studies in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology show that individuals often overlook red flags when they're infatuated or attracted to someone.

This tendency may lead to an inability to recognize fundamental differences, such as values and beliefs, until a relationship has progressed.

Understanding these dynamics can help individuals make more informed choices in their dating lives.

Some things OP wanted to clarify:

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Please don't ask us for the slur she used.

Ankit1000

The Role of Authenticity in Dating

Authenticity is crucial in establishing meaningful connections, as highlighted by Dr. Mark Reed from Columbia University.

His studies show that individuals who present their true selves are more likely to attract partners who align with their values.

In contrast, pretending to be someone else can lead to disillusionment and conflict down the line.

OP really dodged a racist bullet with that one.

Illustrious_Newt_313

OP says she's pretty, but not pretty enough to get away with this behavior (really, OP?!)

Ankit1000

People were quick to point this out to OP.

YourImaginaryFried

To foster healthier dating experiences, individuals should prioritize self-awareness and honesty about their values.

Engaging in self-reflection can clarify what one truly seeks in a partner, allowing for more authentic connections.

Additionally, open discussions about core values early in the dating process can prevent misunderstandings and conflicts later on.

To give OP the benefit of the doubt, dates are used to get to know someone better.

Donthurlemogurlx

The way someone treats servers, waiters, and janitors is a good baseline for their personality.

Sevreyn

She's only concerned about one kind of reflection: the one from the mirror.

radstarr

It was a horrible wake-up call for OP.

Ankit1000

Not even through a message in a bottle.

Admirable_One99989

Sheesh, hopefully that was how it happened.

_ell0lle_

Some people thought OP was being a selective ally because he was willing to overlook her racism in the hopes of having sex with her.

CuriouslyGruntled

Another person agreed.

silya1816

To OP's credit (not really sure here), he admitted this.

Ankit1000

Definitely this.

Throwawaydaughter555

ESH stands for "everyone sucks here" in Reddit-speak.

Hermiona1

This was a likely scenario.

tee_ran_mee_sue

A lot more people agreed that OP and his date both sucked in this situation.

zwergschnauzer

OP was stunned because this was his first experience with a racist person to his face.

Ankit1000

Talk about a bad first date, right? OP was condescending when he judged her for not being familiar with how Korean barbecues worked. She was flat-out rude and racist to the staff and other customers.

OP was definitely toeing the gray area because he was willing to overlook her behavior because she's pretty and might still have sex with him by the end of the night.

He only walked away when it got too personal for him. Anyway, those were our two cents. What did you think? Was OP the a**hole, or are Redditors right to call it ESH?

Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights how differing values can create significant friction in relationships.

Recognizing and addressing these differences early on can foster healthier interactions and mutual understanding.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, understanding implicit biases and the importance of authenticity can greatly enhance dating experiences.

Research shows that being true to oneself and recognizing personal values can lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships.