Teenage Girl Uses Her Birthday Gift and Starts Business; Now the Gifter Demands Repayment

Human jealousy comes in various forms. It is a complex emotion that often originates from feelings such as fear, insecurity, and envy, typically triggered by the perception of a threat.

Recently, a Reddit user experienced the envy of this emotion from a close cousin. The OP, a 17-year-old female, is notably creative and passionate about crafting.

She enjoys activities such as sewing, knitting, and sculpting. Her enthusiasm for crafting is well-known and influences the gifts she receives for Christmas and birthdays.

For the OP's recent birthday, her 26-year-old cousin gifted her a long-desired knitting machine, an item she had not purchased herself due to its cost. Grateful for the gift, she found the machine very useful, allowing her to experiment with various patterns and create items like crop tops, sweatshirts, beanies, scrunchies, and handbags.

It initially took her time to fully utilize the machine's capabilities, but the OP eventually mastered it. She has recently launched a small business and started selling various craft products, many of which she funds herself and do not involve the knitting machine.

However, items made with the machine have become her most popular offerings. She buys all the wool and yarn and crafts everything by hand using the machine.

Upon discovering that the machine is used in her business, her cousin demanded repayment for the machine, arguing that it is unfair for the OP to profit from a gift she gave her. The OP finds this demand unreasonable, considering the machine was a gift, and she bears the cost of all other materials.

The OP wants to avoid conflict but feels it's wrong to repay for a gift, so she is conflicted about how to proceed and questions whether her perspective is wrong.

Here is the OP's concern:

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Everyone knows that the OP is creative; it even affects the gifts they buy for her:

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Understanding the Psychology of Ownership

Dr. Laura Simmons, a developmental psychologist at Yale University, explains that feelings of ownership can be deeply rooted in our sense of identity.

This is particularly true for gifts, where the giver's intent and the recipient's acceptance play critical roles.

When someone requests repayment for a gift, it can blur the lines of ownership and lead to feelings of guilt and obligation.

For the OP's last birthday, her cousin bought her a knitting machine:

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The OP was delighted:

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Research by Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, suggests that "the emotional bonds we form with gifts can create a complex attachment that influences our behavior." This attachment can complicate dynamics when disputes arise over the perceived ownership of those items. In such scenarios, individuals may feel torn between their emotional connection to the gift and the request for repayment, as noted by Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship researcher, who states, "The emotional significance of a gift can lead to conflict when expectations about ownership are not clearly communicated."

The OP even started a small business recently:

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But when the relative found out, they demanded the OP repay them for the knitting machine:

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The Impact of Gifting on Relationships

According to Dr. Anne Marie Albano, a psychologist at Columbia University, gifting can significantly influence interpersonal dynamics.

Her research highlights that the emotional implications of gifting can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.

When financial expectations accompany a gift, it can shift the relationship from one of generosity to one of obligation.

The OP is conflicted about what she should do because it was a gift in the first place:

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A Redditor said it's ridiculous

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Behavioral economists suggest that the 'endowment effect' can play a role in how individuals perceive ownership of gifts.

This phenomenon explains how people often value items more highly once they possess them, leading to reluctance in returning or repaying gifts.

Understanding this effect can help individuals navigate conflicts around ownership more effectively.

Another one agreed and said the cousin was being rude

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The next step is demanding a share in the OP's business

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Redditors told the OP that she shouldn't repay the knitting machine to her relative. It was a gift, and she has the right to use it as she wishes.

No one is obligated to pay for a received gift. The relative's perspective is misguided, but the OP should be cautious because they might demand a share of her business in the future.

This is pure jealousy, and the OP needs to protect herself.

It was a gift

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The OP should not pay them back

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Strategies for Addressing Gift Repayment Requests

When faced with a request for repayment, open communication is crucial.

Dr. Sarah Chen, a social psychologist, suggests expressing gratitude for the gift while also setting clear boundaries regarding repayment.

For example, saying, 'I appreciate your generosity, but I believe gifts should be given freely without expectations,' can help clarify intentions and reduce conflict.

The cousin's perspective is unreasonable

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The cousin is trying to profit from the OP's work

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Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights the complexities that arise when gift-giving expectations are misaligned. It's essential to clarify intentions and maintain open communication to prevent misunderstandings. Setting boundaries around gifts can help preserve relationships while ensuring that personal feelings are respected.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In summary, conflicts over gifts and ownership can evoke complex emotional responses.

Research indicates that understanding the psychological implications of gifting can lead to healthier communication and conflict resolution.

Ultimately, emphasizing open dialogue and boundary setting can help mitigate misunderstandings surrounding gifts and ownership.