Saving Secretly to Move Out: Am I Wrong to Keep Friends in the Dark?

A 29-year-old man living with two friends for two years thought he could quietly build a way out, but his own budgeting choices are starting to look suspicious. He wants more privacy and independence, so he started saving for his own place, no big announcement yet.

The complication is the living setup: rent, utilities, groceries, everything gets split equally between him, 27-year-old F, and 30-year-old M. Instead of just saving normally, he’s been cutting back on “unnecessary spending” and contributing a bit less to shared expenses, using the leftover money for the move fund while keeping his plan under wraps.

Now he’s stuck wondering if he’s an a*****e for hiding the exit strategy while still cashing in on the equal-split agreement, and the comments are not letting him off the hook.

Original Post

So I'm (29M), and I currently live with two friends (27F, 30M) in a nice apartment that we've shared for two years now. Recently, I've been feeling the need for more privacy and independence, so I've started saving up money to move out into my own place.

The thing is, I haven't shared this plan with my friends yet. For background, we split all expenses equally - rent, utilities, groceries, everything.

However, to save more efficiently, I've been cutting back on unnecessary spending and contributing a bit less to our shared expenses, using the extra to build my moving fund silently. My dilemma now is whether I would be the a*****e for not telling my friends that I'm actually saving money to leave while still benefiting from our equal expense sharing.

I feel guilty for keeping this a secret, but I also don't want the dynamics to change until I'm ready to move out. It's not that I don't value our friendship, but I need this change for my own growth.

So, WIBTA for keeping my plans to myself and saving up quietly until I'm ready to break the news to them? I honestly don't know if I'm wrong here, really need outside perspective.

This Redditor's struggle speaks volumes about the complexities of adult friendships, especially in shared living situations.

That’s when the equal-split routine starts to feel off, because his friends are still expecting the same contributions from him.

Comment from u/PizzaLover88

NTA, your money, your choice. But maybe consider talking to them soon; they might appreciate the heads-up, bro

Comment from u/TeaAndBiscuits22

YTA, man, that's shady. They deserve to know so they can plan ahead too, you know? This could strain your friendship if they find out later.

Meanwhile, the moment he quietly lowers his shared spending, his 27F and 30M roommates might notice something is changing, even if he never says why.

Comment from u/sunset_dreamer

ESH, they should notice if you're not contributing equally, but you also should communicate better. Secrets like this can backfire badly.

This also echoes the roommate who debated whether to confess after splitting bills unevenly.

Comment from u/GymJunkie77

D**n, that's tough. NTA for wanting independence, but you gotta be honest with your friends, or it'll bite you in the ass later.

Then the real drama hits in the comment section, where one person calls it “shady” and another insists it’s his money and his choice.

Comment from u/musiclover123

NTA, it's your money, your life. Just make sure to have a plan to tell them before any resentment builds up. Communication is key.

What's your opinion on this situation? Join the conversation!.

And right as he’s trying to avoid changing the apartment dynamics until he’s ready, the secrecy itself becomes the thing that could blow everything up.

The Community’s Divided Response

The comments section on this post showcases a fascinating divide in public opinion. Some readers empathize with the man's desire for independence, while others argue he should be upfront with his roommates. This highlights a broader cultural conversation about transparency in relationships. If he keeps his plans under wraps, he risks damaging the trust he and his friends have cultivated.

Many people pointed out that financial independence often comes at the cost of emotional ties. This situation isn’t just about money; it’s about the values we place on honesty versus personal freedom. It’s a grey area that resonates with anyone who’s ever had to balance their own needs against those of their close friends.

The Takeaway

This story captures the tension between pursuing individual goals and maintaining friendships, a dilemma many can relate to.

The Redditor's situation highlights the delicate balance between personal ambition and the trust built within friendships. By saving secretly to move out, he’s prioritizing his need for independence, yet this decision risks straining the camaraderie he shares with his roommates. His guilt about not disclosing his plans suggests that he recognizes the potential emotional fallout, as many commenters point out the importance of transparency in maintaining their shared living arrangement. Ultimately, this scenario underscores a common conflict many face when trying to assert their individuality while honoring their commitments to others.

He might be saving for his own place, but he could end up losing the friendship first.

Before you hit “save” on your move-out plan, read why he secretly overcharged his roommates.