Seeking Inheritance Share from Estranged Father: Justified or Selfish Move?

Steve was never really “dad” to OP, more like a missing person who showed up only as a painful pattern: barely there, then actively gone. He missed her birth, didn’t show up even once during her teenage years, and left her with years of unanswered attempts to connect.

Then her mother, the person who should have protected her, complicated everything. She told Steve about OP’s baby without asking, started messaging him behind OP’s back, and somehow the lies turned into a full-on relationship. OP found out from someone else, watched her mother hide months of cohabitation, and still Steve never made the effort to see OP or his grandchild.

Now that Steve has died, OP is staring at the inheritance question and wondering if wanting a share is justified or just another move that rewards the people who disappeared for years.

Original Post

My(F29) "father" passed away a few weeks ago. Let's call him Steve.

He's never been in my life and maybe has seen me max. 10 times in my whole life.

He was never married, but they were living together,he cheated, went abusive and my mother decided to divorce. He didn't even attend my birth.

He had 3 other children with his second wife. He never even tried to meet or get to know me.

As a little kid I was okay with that but in my teenage years, I tried many times to get to meet him, but all the attempts failed because he didn't want to. Unfortunately, my mother never even asked for alimony while I can say that we were poor.

When I gave a birth to my child several years ago, my mother decided herself that it was okay to tell Steve he had a grandchild, without even consulting with me, they started messaging after that time. That time my father had a bad relationship with his second wife and was divorcing her, he was living alone.

I had a fight with my mother since she told him something about my child without my consent and tried to make her understand that Steve is not someone I want in my or my child's life and at that time I thought she understood. She didn't, she even started messaging with him, trying to get back together, not even thinking about her own daughters feelings, which was really a big psychological trauma for me.

They started seeing each other, my mother was always hiding it from me and lying to me about it. I had my doubts but I trusted her and found out about it from someone else later.Some time after, even that she knew my opinion about this, they started having a relationship in the dark from me.

My mother bought a new house with the credit to live with him separately and I didn't know they lived together for several months. Even after getting back with my mother, he didn't even try to come see me, he didn't even care.

It's been more than an year since they started living together and he didn't even see his other children frequently. He passed away in that new house my mother bought.

During the processes I didn't even go to see him, I only went and met my mother there. Then I found out he had a house on his name which costs much and would've greatly helped me and my family to at least get a flat to live in.

We now live in my mothers old house since she's never here anyway, and we can't afford to pay rent and feed ourselves at the same time. Now I want to officially ask for a share from Steve's inheritance and while I think it may not be the best behavior/decision, it can help me get back at my feet somehow.

There are some complications in the process which I can't write here, but it's doable and very possible, but I have to fight for that and it will be a long process. My mother thinks that I shouldn't do it, since it's not really mine and he was never in my life.

So if I contested and got my share, WIBTA?

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While OP is still grieving Steve’s death, the fact that he “max seen me 10 times” hangs over the whole inheritance conversation.

This is the same kind of messy family fight as keeping Grandma’s antique watch instead of splitting it between Alyssa and Ben.

The situation gets uglier because OP’s mother told Steve about the grandchild without consent, then lied about the relationship even after OP said she did not want Steve involved.

Once Steve started living with OP’s mother for months, OP says he still never visited, even though he had access to a grandchild he supposedly cared about.

So when the inheritance comes up, OP is stuck between the reality that Steve ignored her and the fact that his death might still pull her into his mess.

What would you do in this situation? Share your opinion in the comments.

OP is about to find out whether the family is treating Steve’s absence like it automatically earns him a payout anyway.

Want to see how an estranged father’s inheritance demands go off the rails, read the AITA about refusing to split a deceased grandfather’s valuable art collection.