Should I Ask my Dad to Pay Off My College Debt?

It started with a loan and a promise, then turned into a whole messy family vibe. A 22-year-old woman spent her teen years working, saved like a maniac, and moved out the second she turned 18, even selling the car she bought herself just to afford a room near campus. He even cut her off from health insurance, so she had to switch to state coverage. But after she graduated, her mom dropped a bomb: her dad makes over $150k a year. Now he offered a graduation party and mentioned paying off her remaining college debt, yet he has barely done anything since, and she is stuck in an entry-level job making less than a third of his income.

So she has to decide if asking about the $7,000-ish debt payoff will finally fix things, or blow up the relationship all over again.

Original Post

I (22F) have done everything for myself since 18. I started working at 15 and saved all my money so I could move out right after my 18th birthday.

At 18, I sold the car I bought myself at 16 so I could rent a $500 room in the city close to campus and go to college. I had to beg the financial aid office to approve me for a big enough loan to even attend because neither of my parents would co-sign.

My dad(55M) told me well before 18 he would not be helping me financially after I turned 18 and I accepted this since he paid child support before I was 18. He even cut me off from his health insurance so I had to get state insurance on my 18th birthday.

Fast forward to now, I just graduated college and worked two jobs to get through. A few months ago, as my parents were re-evaluating child support for my youngest brother, my mom told me that my dad makes over 150k per year.

I was shocked. My dad has always claimed to be average-earning, and always acted very frugal around me.

I have even taken him to expensive dinners to celebrate his birthday yearly. Learning this, I felt resentful so I decided to discuss my feelings with him.

I told him I felt sad that while I was poor and living off canned foods to get through college, he could've helped and didn't. I said that although I've appreciated becoming self-sufficient, it has been painfully hard and lonely at times.

He was offended and told me I'm just like my mom, always hoping to mooch off his success. Then, he confessed that he was planning to pay off any remaining college debt I had after graduation.

After graduation, my dad offered to throw me a graduation party. Well, now it's been a month and a half and little effort has been made.

I don't really care about the party anymore. But WIBTA if I asked him if he was still going to pay off my debt?

He hasn't brought it up since last spring. I have secured an entry-level job in my field but the pay is less than 1/3rd what he makes.

I want to go to grad school and being $7,000 less in debt sounds amazing. TL;DR my dad makes a lot of money and offered to pay my student loan debt but is now acting like he never said that

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This is similar to the sibling demanding an equal split of parents’ care expenses, while you did most of the caregiving.

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After years of working two jobs and eating canned food to survive college, the graduation party that never really happened is starting to feel like a tease from her dad.

The moment her mom reveals her dad’s $150k income, the “I can’t help after 18” story suddenly sounds a lot less believable.

When her dad got offended and accused her of “mooching,” then immediately confessed he planned to pay off her remaining debt, it made the whole situation feel like a tug-of-war.

Now that she’s settled into an entry-level job and has grad school on her mind, she is wondering if it’s time to ask her dad directly where the debt payoff stands.</p>

What's your opinion on this situation? Join the conversation!

The real question is whether a simple “are you still paying off my debt?” will finally get her dad to act, or prove he only offers help when it makes him look good.

Still dealing with a dad who draws hard lines, read this AITA about excluding a critical sibling from a wedding.