Should I Ask My Partner to Rehome His Pet Due to My Phobia Before Moving In?

A 28-year-old woman is trying to make moving in work with her 30-year-old boyfriend, and her biggest obstacle is not bills or chores, it’s his pet tarantula, Skitters. For her, the “just a spider” argument does not land, because she has severe arachnophobia and the mere sight of a spider sends her anxiety into overdrive.

Her boyfriend, though, treats Skitters like family. He’s had the tarantula for years, and when she brought up her fear, he got hurt and defensive fast. Now they’re stuck in that awkward middle ground where love is real, but the living situation might be a constant trigger.

And that’s why this question on Reddit hit so hard, she’s wondering if she crossed a line by asking him to rehome the one creature he refuses to give up.

Original Post

So I'm (28F) in a serious relationship with my partner (30M). We're at the stage where we're considering moving in together, but there's a major issue: his pet tarantula, Skitters.

I have severe arachnophobia, and just the sight of a spider terrifies me. Skitters is like a child to my partner, and he's had him for years.

For background, my phobia stems from a traumatic childhood experience. I've been in therapy to manage it, but it still triggers intense anxiety.

When I brought up my concerns about living with Skitters, my partner was hurt and defensive, saying Skitters is family and he won't consider rehoming him.

I love my partner, but I can't shake my fear. I feel torn between my love for him and my fear of Skitters.

So WIBTA for asking my partner to give up his beloved pet before we move in together?

This situation really highlights the emotional complexities of relationships. The OP clearly has a deep love for her partner, but her phobia isn’t something she can easily overcome. It's not just a matter of preference; it’s a psychological barrier rooted in trauma. Yet, asking someone to part with their cherished pet, especially one like a tarantula, raises serious ethical questions about love and sacrifice.

For many pet owners, their animals are family. The idea of rehoming a pet can feel like a betrayal. This tension reflects a broader issue in relationships where personal boundaries clash with the needs of a partner, and it’s a conflict many can relate to, sparking heated discussions in the comments.

OP is trying to talk about Skitters like it’s a roommate issue, but her boyfriend hears it as a personal attack on “family.”

Comment from u/SpaghettiLover23

NTA - Your phobia is valid, and your partner should understand and respect your feelings, especially if you've tried therapy to overcome it.

Comment from u/MoonlightDreamer

YTA - Asking someone to give up their pet, which is a huge emotional attachment, is a big ask. Maybe seek out compromise, like therapy together, to work through this.

Comment from u/PizzaQueen99

NAH - It's a tough situation. Your fear is genuine, but asking to rehome a pet can be seen as extreme. Open communication and finding a middle ground are key here.

Comment from u/GamerDude87

NTA - Phobias are serious and can't just be turned off. Your partner should be more understanding of your mental well-being and work together to find a solution.

Every time OP looks at Skitters and panics, the tension grows, because he’s not willing to treat the tarantula as negotiable.

Comment from u/RosePetals42

YTA - Pets are family to many people, and asking someone to part with that is a big request. Maybe explore therapy further to manage your phobia better.

This is similar to the AITA post where someone refused their partner’s puppy due to fear of dogs.

Comment from u/SleepyTeaDrinker

NAH - Your fear is valid, but so is his attachment to Skitters. It's a complex situation that requires empathy and compromise from both sides.

Comment from u/AdventureTimeFanatic

NTA - Your mental health should not be compromised, even for a beloved pet. Have a calm discussion with your partner and see if there's a solution that works for both of you.

The comments start splitting hard when people argue whether OP’s fear is a dealbreaker or whether asking to rehome Skitters is too cruel.

Comment from u/BookwormGal

YTA - Expecting someone to give up their pet is a tough spot. Try working with a therapist specialized in phobias to find coping mechanisms that could help you coexist with Skitters.

Comment from u/SoccerMom101

ESH - It's a sticky situation. Both your fear and his attachment are valid. Seek a professional mediator to navigate this tricky dilemma.

Comment from u/CoffeeAddict27

NTA - Your partner should prioritize your mental health and well-being. Finding a compromise, like keeping Skitters in a separate space, should be a reasonable solution.

By the time you get to the NAH and YTA takes, the whole thread is basically about one thing, can you love someone and still demand they give up what they love most?

What would you do in this situation? Share your opinion in the comments.

The Divided Community Reaction

The community response to this dilemma is telling. Some users empathize with the OP’s fears and argue that a partner should prioritize their significant other's mental health. Others, however, point out the emotional toll of asking someone to give up their pet, suggesting it may be an unreasonable demand. This split not only shows the varying degrees of empathy toward phobias but also the attachment people have to their pets.

Comments range from supportive to critical, illustrating how personal experiences shape our views on relationships. Some might see the request as a form of emotional manipulation, while others view it as a necessary step for a peaceful cohabitation. It’s a reminder that love often involves navigating a minefield of conflicting needs and desires.

This story underscores the delicate balance between personal anxieties and the emotional attachments we form with our partners and their pets. The question remains: how do we navigate these complex dynamics in a way that respects both our fears and our loved ones? Readers, what do you think? Is it fair to ask a partner to rehome a pet for the sake of your comfort, or does love require compromise in another form?

The dilemma faced by the woman in the article reveals how deeply personal fears can clash with emotional attachments in relationships. Her severe arachnophobia, stemming from a traumatic past, understandably makes the idea of living with her partner's pet tarantula, Skitters, overwhelming. Meanwhile, her partner's hurt and defensiveness about rehoming Skitters highlights the strong bond he has with his pet, which he views as family. This situation encapsulates the complex interplay between mental health, empathy, and the sacrifices we might expect in the name of love, prompting a broader conversation about the limits and compromises we’re willing to make for those we care about.

He might not be the villain, but the tarantula is still the third person in the relationship.

Ready for a different fear-fueled relationship test? Read about refusing your partner’s pet snake despite their love for it.