Should I Cut Off the Leech Taking Advantage of My Elderly Father?

It started with a “small favor” from a neighborhood friend, and quickly turned into a full-blown money mystery involving an elderly dad who can no longer manage his own banking. OP only meant to help with what looked like harmless requests, until the ATM trail started telling a different story.

Here’s the complicated part: OP’s father is in mental decline after an accident and hospitalization, his dementia swings between better and worse, and he’s not really capable of questioning anything anymore. He also has a friend from the neighborhood who brings company and suggests little outings, which makes the whole thing feel less like a scam and more like a sad, lonely friendship. Then the requests spike from about $300 to more than double, and OP realizes it’s happening for months.

Now OP is staring at the evidence, wondering if cutting her off is the right move or if he’s about to blow up the one connection his dad still seems to enjoy.

Original Post

Throwaway for privacy My elderly father is in mental decline. His dementia is sometimes better sometimes worse but due to a recent accident and hospitalization it is on the worse side at the moment.

Even before he was not so mentally stable but got along on his own and with our support. He also has a friend (f) from the neighborhood that gave him company and they sometimes did smaller trips together.

Since the hospital he can no longer go to the bank or do any kind of bank related stuff on his own and asks for our help. Said friend has recently asked for some money from my father and he asked me to give it to her.

It was \~300$ and I did not ask any questions. A few weeks later she came back and asked for more than double of that because she got an unexpected bill and I hesitantly paid her that money too but told my father that I have the feeling that she is using him.

He (apparently) had a brighter moment and agreed. A few weeks later (now) she asks for money again - and I found out a few things about her in the meantime.

It seems she is taking money from him for a few more month already - I only see the ATM statements of what my father took out with his card. He would not need so much cash on his own so I presume it went to her wallet, but he does not know if he did.

Also she seems to be "working with elderly people" apart from visiting my dad. So I suspect that this is her business model: getting close to elderly people that enjoy the company and leech them for money.

So I intend to cut her off to prevent any more of this. AITA here?

She might really have trouble paying her bills and a few hundred $ will not hurt my dad. She will likely stop seeing my dad and he seems to like the company.

For all people suggesting to ask my dad: He does not really have an opinion of his own anymore and will say yes to whatever we suggest.

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This is the same kind of messy boundary problem as when you had to deal with your best friend’s ex at work.

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OP handed over the first roughly $300 without asking questions, because his dad needed help after the hospital and the friend seemed like “just company.”

After OP paid the friend’s bigger “unexpected bill” request, OP still felt something off, especially once the father agreed to be more cautious during a rare brighter moment.

The real gut-punch came when OP checked the ATM statements and noticed cash withdrawals that didn’t match what his dad would have needed for himself.

What do you think about this situation? Let us know in the comments.

Cutting her off might be the only way OP’s dad stops paying for company that’s coming with a price tag.

Before you decide, read what happened when a coworker asked to offload their workload onto you.