Should I Date My Friends Crush After Giving Relationship Advice?
"Is it wrong to give relationship advice to a friend, only to end up dating their crush? The OP faces a dilemma between loyalty and newfound love."
A 28-year-old woman refused to let a crush confession spiral into awkward silence, and now she’s stuck in the middle of her best friend’s heartbreak and her own new relationship.
She’s been friends with Jack, 30, for years. When Jack finally confessed his feelings to his long-time crush, Sarah, she pushed him to do the honest thing. He did, Sarah rejected him, and the comfort she gave him somehow turned into something more when she and Sarah started clicking.
Now she’s dating Sarah, and Jack is demanding she break it off to “save” their friendship, even though she insists she never meant to hurt him.
Original Post
So I'm a 28-year-old female, and I've been friends with Jack (30M) for years. Recently, Jack confessed his feelings for his long-time crush, Sarah.
I advised Jack to be honest with Sarah and tell her how he feels. He followed my advice, but Sarah ended up rejecting him.
After consoling Jack, I found myself developing feelings for Sarah. We started spending more time together, and eventually, we both realized we had a connection.
We decided to start dating. When I told Jack about my relationship with Sarah, he was devastated and accused me of betraying our friendship and using his vulnerability to get close to her.
I never intended to hurt Jack, but I can't control my feelings. Now he's asking me to break things off with Sarah to salvage our friendship.
I feel torn between my loyalty to Jack and my budding relationship with Sarah. So WIBTA for giving relationship advice to my friend, then dating their crush?
The Loyalty Dilemma
The heart of this story lies in the tension between loyalty and desire. Our OP not only gave relationship advice to Jack but also shared a connection that seems to blur the lines of friendship. When Jack confesses his feelings for Sarah, it’s a moment that should solidify their bond, yet it inadvertently creates a backdrop for our OP’s internal conflict.
As she develops feelings for Jack’s crush, the question arises: is it ever acceptable to pursue someone a friend likes? This moral grey area is a hotbed for debate. Readers resonate with this because it’s a scenario many have faced—how do you balance your own feelings against the potential fallout in friendships?
Right after Sarah rejects Jack, OP’s role as comforter starts looking a lot more like a gateway to her own feelings for Sarah.
Comment from u/Catlover_87
NTA - You gave good advice, and you're allowed to follow your heart. Jack needs to understand that feelings aren't always controllable.
Comment from u/gamer_gal789
YTA - This is messy. You should have been more upfront about your feelings for Sarah before things progressed. Jack confided in you, and you broke his trust.
The moment OP and Sarah start spending more time together, Jack’s “just tell her” plan turns into a real-life mess he didn’t sign up for.
Comment from u/runninglate22
Honestly, ESH - Jack for expecting you not to pursue Sarah when he couldn't, you for not being transparent about your changing feelings, and Sarah for not considering the dynamics at play.
It also echoes the best friend’s guidance battle, where someone weighs loyalty versus following their heart to pursue a crush.
Comment from u/beachbummer
NAH - Love is complicated, and sometimes it can lead to unexpected situations. OP, follow your heart but also try to mend things with Jack. Communication is key.
When OP finally tells Jack she’s dating Sarah, his devastation flips into accusations that she used his vulnerability, not just her growing connection.
Comment from u/bookworm_00
ESH - Jack for not being understanding, you for possibly mishandling the situation, and Sarah for getting involved in a complicated triangle. This is a tough spot for everyone involved.
What would you do in this situation? Share your opinion in the comments.
Now Jack is asking OP to break things off, because he’d rather lose the relationship than lose the friendship he thought was solid.</p>
Why This Hits Home
This story struck a chord with many because it encapsulates that all-too-familiar struggle of navigating complex emotional landscapes. The OP’s situation evokes empathy, especially as she grapples with the repercussions of her feelings for Jack's crush. It’s not just about dating someone else’s crush; it’s about the potential betrayal that could shatter their friendship.
Readers are split on whether the OP’s actions are justified or if she should’ve suppressed her feelings out of respect for Jack. This division reflects a broader conflict in relationships—when does pursuing your happiness outweigh the risk of hurting someone you care about? It’s a situation layered with heart, making it one that many can relate to on some level.
The Bottom Line
This story serves as a reminder of how complicated relationships can become when romantic feelings enter the mix. It raises the question of whether it’s possible to prioritize your own happiness without compromising friendships. What would you do in this OP’s situation—take the leap for love or stay loyal to your friend? Share your thoughts below!
Why This Matters
In this story, the user finds herself caught in a web of conflicting emotions after giving relationship advice to her friend Jack, only to develop feelings for his crush, Sarah. This twist highlights the often unpredictable nature of attraction—despite her initial loyalty, the bond she formed with Sarah was strong enough to challenge her commitment to Jack. Jack's reaction underscores how vulnerable moments can lead to feelings of betrayal, even when intentions aren't malicious. Ultimately, this situation reflects the messy reality of love and friendship, where the lines can easily blur.
He might be the one burning the bridge while asking her to jump back on it.
Want another take on ignoring friends like Sarah after Jack gets rejected? Read this AITA about pursuing a crush your own way despite suffocating relationship advice.
