Should I Exclude My Cousin with a Fear of Flying from Our European Family Trip?

Some family trips are basically a vacation, and some are a tiny reality show where everyone’s feelings fight for screen time. This one starts with OP taking the lead, mapping out a Europe plan with multiple flights, and immediately running into one person who can’t even handle the idea of being on a plane.

OP’s cousin, 29 and non-binary, has an intense fear of flying so severe it comes with panic attacks at the mere thought of it. They’ve never flown before, they’re worried they might have to sit this trip out, and they even floated alternatives that involve train or car travel. Meanwhile, the rest of the family is excited about the European itinerary and thinks bending the plan too much will ruin the whole point.

Now OP has to decide if excluding their cousin is “just logistics,” or if it’s a move that will blow up the family dinner before they even pack a bag.

Original Post

So I'm (31M) in charge of planning our annual family trip, and this time we're considering a European vacation that involves taking multiple flights. Quick context - my cousin (29 non-binary) has an intense fear of flying, to the point where they have panic attacks at the mere thought of being on a plane.

For background, they've never flown before due to this phobia. Now, as I was discussing the trip details with everyone, my cousin expressed their concerns about flying and mentioned that they might not be able to join us if it involves multiple flights.

They suggested alternative destinations reachable by train or car. However, the rest of our family is excited about the European trip and feels that accommodating this fear might limit our options and make the journey less enjoyable.

I'm torn between excluding my cousin from this trip to make the most of our plans or finding a compromise that suits everyone but might not be as exciting. My cousin is understanding but also disappointed at the prospect of missing out on this experience.

So WIBTA if I go ahead with the trip without them, knowing it's due to their fear of flying?

The Family Dilemma

This situation shines a light on a common family conundrum: how to balance compassion with the collective good. The OP's cousin's fear of flying isn't just a minor inconvenience; it’s a legitimate phobia that could derail the entire trip experience. Excluding a family member over their anxiety raises questions about family loyalty and support. Should the OP prioritize the comfort of the majority or the mental health of one? It's a complex balancing act that many families face.

Interestingly, the Reddit community's reactions were mixed. Some users emphasized empathy, arguing that the cousin should be included regardless of their fears. Others felt that the trip’s enjoyment would be compromised, highlighting the tension between individual needs and group dynamics. It’s a tough spot that reveals deep-seated values about family and inclusion.

Comment from u/reddit_user111

Comment from u/catlover_42

Comment from u/adventureseeker99

OP thought they were planning a fun Europe getaway, but the second the flights got mentioned, their cousin’s panic attacks became the loudest thing in the room.

The cousin said they might not join if it means multiple flights, and suddenly the whole trip turned into a debate about whether the plan has to bend.

This is similar to the AITA post where someone ignored their sister’s fear of flying for a Hawaii trip.

The OP's decision-making process reveals a broader societal challenge: how to accommodate those with phobias in shared experiences. While some might argue that it’s selfish for the cousin to even consider not going, it’s crucial to recognize how anxiety can dramatically impact someone’s ability to participate in travel. The cousin’s history of panic attacks isn’t just a detail; it's a significant factor that could affect the entire trip's atmosphere.

Moreover, this story resonates because it taps into the universal experience of traveling with loved ones. We all want to create joyful memories, but how do you do that when one person's fear could dampen the experience for everyone? The community's divided opinions reflect this struggle, emphasizing that family dynamics are rarely black and white.

Comment from u/travel_bug_xoxo

Comment from u/pizzalover_87

When the rest of the family pushed back, arguing that accommodating the fear would make the journey less enjoyable, OP had to weigh “everyone’s happiness” against one person’s reality.

That’s when the real question hit, WIBTA if OP goes ahead without their cousin, knowing it’s tied directly to a phobia they can’t just switch off.

What are your thoughts on this situation? Share your perspective in the comments below.

The Takeaway

This family trip dilemma encapsulates the complexities of balancing individual fears with group desires.

The Bigger Picture

In this family trip dilemma, the planner's struggle reflects a common tension between individual needs and group enjoyment.

OP’s cousin might miss Europe, but the real loss could be whatever trust is left in the family after this decision.

WIBTA for excluding dad over his push for a cross-country drive, after everyone planned flights?