Should I Feel Guilty for Refusing Dads Birthday Plans?
AITA for refusing my dad's plans for my birthday, leading to a big fight? Dad insists I spend it in his home country with my half-sister, whom I'm not close with.
A 28-year-old woman refused to spend her birthday in her dad’s home country, and it instantly turned into a full-blown family blowup. The kicker? Her dad didn’t even ask, he just announced she was going, because her half-sister’s birthday lands two days after hers.
To make it messier, she has not been back in over 10 years, she barely speaks the language there, and she and her half-sister “aren’t close” and “rarely speak.” So when she said no, it wasn’t just a disagreement about travel plans, it became a debate about whether she was selfish for wanting her own birthday to feel like her birthday.
Now he says he’s “never celebrating your birthday ever again,” and she’s left wondering if her refusal makes her the asshole.
Original Post
The other day, my dad randomly tells me that i have to start thinking about going to my dad’s home country for my birthday because my half-sister’s birthday is two days after mine and he wants me to spend my birthday there with her. my sister and i aren’t close and we rarely speak.
i haven’t been back to my dad’s home country in over 10 years. i don’t really speak the language.
he didn’t ask me if i wanted to go; he was telling that i was going. i told him i don’t want to spend my birthday there.
and it turned into a big fight. i was told that i always only think about myself.
i just feel like i should have the choice. my dad ended up saying, “fine, i’m never celebrating your birthday ever again.” AITA for not wanting to go along with my dad’s plans for my birthday?
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That “I’m telling you you’re going” moment is where OP’s dad crosses the line from planning to controlling her birthday.
When OP explains she hasn’t been back in a decade and doesn’t speak the language, the fight stops being about logistics and turns into a character attack.
The half-sister detail, two birthdays so close together, becomes the excuse dad uses to override OP’s “I should have a choice” argument.
After the “fine, I’m never celebrating your birthday ever again” threat, OP is stuck facing the fallout from that one boundary.
We're curious to hear your perspective. Share your thoughts in the comments.
If he wants birthdays to be shared on his terms, he might be the one who’s about to lose the whole tradition.
For another family fight about “fairness” and an elderly dad, read the sibling dilemma over sharing care with a distant brother.
