Should I Force My Daughter To Go On A Family Vacation

A mom is trying to plan one of those rare, once-every-few-years family trips, and it turns into a full-on emotional standoff before the cruise even happens. The destination is a Disney cruise this December, seven days of magic for the two younger sisters who are already bouncing with excitement.

But the oldest daughter, 16, hits the brakes fast. She doesn’t just ask about the price, she spirals into guilt, panic, and then a bold request: exclude her from the trip so her mom and dad can save money. She’s worried about the cost of two rooms for five people, she keeps bringing up snacks and onboard spending, and she says she’ll feel guilty spending “your money” on something she might not even enjoy.

Now the mom is stuck between wanting her daughter there for sibling bonding and not understanding why money is suddenly the center of everything.

Original Post

WIBTA if I made my daughter come on a vacation? We have two daughters, 13F and 16F, and one son, 12M.

We decided to go on a 7-day Disney cruise for vacation this December. We usually take one big vacation every 5 years, and this is one of them.

My youngest two were very happy when they found out we were going on a Disney cruise and started jumping for joy. When I told my older daughter, she was happy immediately but then quickly asked me how much the trip cost.

She has always been someone who cares about how much things cost and would refuse to buy items if she felt they were too expensive. I never knew where she got this trait from, considering we aren't poor by any means.

I showed her the ticket we planned to buy, and she was a bit mortified. The ticket would cost her and her siblings $910 each, while it would cost us slightly more.

She became a bit terrified and asked, "This whole thing seems way too expensive; isn't there anything cheaper?" Her reaction shocked me; I didn't expect her to think about the price. I told her it wasn't her problem and that she didn't need to worry.

Then a day later, she told me to just exclude her and take her other two siblings to save money. She said she didn't feel right spending so much on something she wasn't sure she'd even enjoy.

She said, "I'll feel too guilty; I already spend a lot of your money, and we'll spend even more for snacks and activities, so just leave me." I was not understanding why she cared this much about money and kept asking her.

She said it was just too expensive for her and that five people might require two rooms, which would be even more expensive, while four people would be fine with one. I told her that I wasn't letting her miss an important family trip just because she thinks it "costs too much."

I think it'll be a good chance for her to bond with her siblings; I also don't think the money is her problem. She got upset and said that I should just enjoy the trip without her.

My husband is saying it's better if we leave her and that she might not have fun anyway. WIBTA?

The Psychological Impact of Family Expectations

Family vacations often come with a set of expectations that can create significant pressure on family members.

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When the 16-year-old sees the $910 ticket price, she goes from excited to mortified, and the Disney cruise becomes a math problem in real time.

Furthermore, the pressure to conform to family traditions can sometimes overshadow individual needs and preferences.

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When family members have differing opinions about vacations, it can create tension and frustration.

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The next day, she doubles down and tells her mom to take her younger sisters instead, because she “doesn’t feel right” spending that much.

Additionally, utilizing conflict resolution strategies can be instrumental in addressing disagreements about family vacations. Techniques such as compromise and collaborative planning can help reconcile differing desires, leading to a more cohesive family experience.

Research indicates that involving all family members in the decision-making process can enhance satisfaction and foster a sense of shared ownership over family experiences.

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Practical Steps for Achieving Consensus

To achieve consensus about family vacations, it may be helpful to hold family meetings where everyone can express their preferences and desires. Creating a collaborative planning environment can facilitate open communication and reduce tension.

Additionally, establishing a family decision-making process that incorporates everyone's input can foster a sense of unity and cooperation, ensuring that all voices are valued.

This is similar to the team dinner fight when she refused to accommodate a colleague’s strict dietary restrictions.

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Instead of dropping it, the mom keeps pressing her for answers, while the older daughter insists the trip is too expensive and she’ll feel guilty for every snack and activity.

Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.

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And while mom refuses to let her daughter miss a “family trip,” dad’s reaction is the wildcard that threatens to turn this into a bigger family fight than the cruise ever would.</p>

In the case of a family planning a Disney cruise, the considerations surrounding whether to compel a daughter to join underscore the complexities of family dynamics. The ages of the children, particularly the teenagers, suggest a stage where individual preferences and desires can clash with family expectations. This situation calls for a thoughtful approach that balances the excitement of a family vacation with the personal feelings of each child.

Rather than insisting on attendance, it may be more beneficial for the parents to engage their daughters in a dialogue about the trip. This could foster a sense of agency and contribute to a more harmonious family atmosphere. Ultimately, prioritizing each member's feelings and creating a collaborative planning process could transform this vacation into a cherished memory rather than a source of resentment.

If mom forces her, the cruise could turn into the exact kind of trip nobody wants, awkward, expensive, and full of resentment.

For more “tell them first” drama, read what happened when she didn’t warn her friend about her pregnancy.