Should I Have Helped My Friend Adopt the Stray Cat I Wanted?

A black stray cat basically chose OP’s doorstep as his personal hangout spot, and OP was absolutely not subtle about it. She’s spent months feeding him, earning his trust, and soaking up the cuddles like they were a daily subscription plan.

Then her friend Kate walks in, sees the cat, and instantly lights up like, “Okay, yep, I want him.” OP is thrilled for exactly two seconds, then gets weirdly possessive, downplays how close they’ve gotten, and sends Kate to a shelter instead of telling her the truth.

When Kate finally hears about the stray and adopts him anyway, OP is stuck between relief and the kind of jealousy that feels… petty, but also very real. Here’s the full story.

Original Post

I (27F) have always dreamt of adopting a black cat. For years, I've been looking for the perfect kitty companion.

Recently, a stray black cat showed up in my neighborhood and I immediately fell in love with him. I started leaving food out for him, earning his trust, and eventually, he became very friendly, often coming to my doorstep for cuddles.

One day, while playing with him outside, a close friend, Kate (26F), saw us and expressed how adorable the cat was. I was ecstatic about having the kitty all to myself, so I downplayed his charm, not wanting to share him with anyone.

However, a few days later, Kate mentioned how she was looking to adopt a cat and asked if I knew of any available. In a brief moment of selfishness, I conveniently failed to mention the stray.

Instead, I referred her to a local shelter, thinking I could still have the cat all to myself. To my surprise, Kate visited the shelter and didn't find a cat she connected with.

Feeling bad for her, I finally caved in and told her about the stray black cat. She was overjoyed and immediately went to meet him.

They hit it off instantly, and Kate decided to adopt him. Now, I'm torn.

Part of me is happy that the cat found a loving home, but another part of me feels a twinge of jealousy that he isn't mine to keep anymore. I'm wondering if I'd be the a*****e for not helping my friend adopt the kitty, knowing how much I wanted him for myself.

So, Reddit, would I be the a*****e in this situation? I honestly can't shake off this guilty feeling.

The Dilemma of Desire vs. Friendship

This story strikes a chord because it highlights a universal conflict: wanting something deeply versus considering a friend's feelings. The poster's attachment to the stray cat she’s built trust with is palpable, yet her friend's eagerness to adopt complicates the emotional landscape. It’s not just about the cat; it's about how friendships can become strained when desires clash.

Many readers can relate to this dilemma. They might have faced similar situations where personal desires conflict with the expectations and wishes of those close to them. It raises questions about ownership and the ethics of sharing something that brings joy. Does wanting the cat for herself make her a bad friend, or is it reasonable to prioritize her own happiness?

Kate watched OP and the stray black cat playing outside, and OP’s “all mine” energy kicked in immediately.

Comment from u/DazzlingSunflower98

NTA - You didn't owe her the information about the stray. You're entitled to your feelings of attachment to the cat.

Comment from u/PepperoniPizzaLover99

YTA - You should've put your friend's happiness over your desire to keep the cat for yourself. Sharing is caring, after all.

Comment from u/MoonlitDreamscape23

NAH - It's understandable to get attached to a pet, but it's also kind to help a friend in need. Your conflicting feelings are valid.

Comment from u/MountainHiker87

YWBTA - Not helping your friend adopt the cat just because you wanted him is quite selfish. Pets bring joy to everyone, not just you.

Instead of mentioning the cat, OP referred Kate to a local shelter, which is how the adoption plan stalled for a few days.

Comment from u/OceanBreeze78

NAH - It's a tough situation, but pets choose their owners. Maybe the cat was meant to be with your friend all along.

This also echoes the AITA where someone adopted the cat their friend wanted, but couldn’t care for.

Comment from u/CoffeeAddict42

YTA - Putting your own desire to keep the cat over your friend's wish to adopt him is not cool. You should've been more honest.

Comment from u/UnicornRainbow99

NTA - It's natural to feel possessive of a pet you cared for, but ultimately, the cat's well-being and happiness matter most.

The moment Kate didn’t find a match at the shelter, OP finally spilled the secret about the friendly stray showing up for cuddles.

Comment from u/DaisyDoodle123

NAH - You were caught in a tough spot, but it's admirable that you eventually helped your friend find a furry companion.

Comment from u/AdventureSeeker57

YTA - If you genuinely care about the cat's happiness, you should be glad he found a forever home, even if it's not with you.

Comment from u/WhisperingWinds22

NAH - While it's understandable to feel conflicted, ensuring the cat's adoption and well-being is a selfless act. Your feelings are valid, though.

Kate and the cat hit it off fast, and now OP is dealing with the fact that her jealous feelings are competing with her guilt.

We're curious to hear your perspective. Share your thoughts in the comments.

Why Community Reactions Were Divided

The Reddit community's reaction reflects the complexity of the situation.

Final Thoughts

This story reveals the intricacies of human emotions and relationships, showcasing how our desires can clash with those we care about. It raises an important question: at what point does pursuing your happiness conflict with being a supportive friend? As readers reflect on the situation, it’s worth considering how they would navigate this dilemma. Would they fight for the cat they wanted or step back to honor their friend's feelings?

In this story, the poster's actions stem from a deep emotional attachment to the stray cat, which she nurtured over time. Initially, she tries to protect her newfound bond by withholding information from her friend, Kate, reflecting a common instinct to prioritize personal desires over friendship. However, when she sees Kate's genuine excitement and need for companionship, the poster's guilt prompts her to share the cat's existence, ultimately leading to a mix of joy and jealousy as the cat finds a new home with her friend. This situation highlights the delicate balance between personal desires and the ethics of friendship, making it relatable for many navigating similar conflicts.

OP didn’t just lose a cat, she lost the chance to be honest before Kate bonded with the one she actually wanted.

Want to know how “Mittens” changes everything when Kate pushes for adoption, read this.