Should I Judge a 13-Year-Old? Parenting Dilemma Explained

A 12-year-old moving schools should be a fresh start, but this mom’s new classroom drama is anything but simple. She’s watching a 13-year-old in the class who, in her eyes, is already running the vibe: talking back in online meetings, posting depressing, mature stuff on Instagram, swearing, and spending all day in games.

So she set rules. No friendship, no following on Instagram, and even a firm “no” when she tried to stay behind in the library to “study” with this girl. But her daughter insists the 13-year-old is doing the opposite of what mom fears, including her in the friend group, making her feel safe, and encouraging her through the transition.

Now the real sticking point, the 12-year-old idolizes her, and mom is stuck wondering if she’s protecting her child or just judging the wrong one.

Original Post

My 12yo daughter has moved schools for year 7. There is a 13yo in her class that I am quite concerned about.

I have seen her talk back to teachers in more than one occasion in online meetings, posts depressing, mature things on Instagram, swears, games all the time, and is generally a bad influence. I have told my 12yo that I don't allow her to be friends with this girl because of the reasons I listed above, and tell her to unfollow her on Instagram.

I refused to let her stay behind in the library to "study" with this girl. However my 12yo (asd) told me that the girl has been including her in her friends group and is helping her settle in.

She said she made her feel safe in the new environment and is encouraging. The even bigger problem is that my 12yo kind of idolises that particular girl, which I really don't like.

AITA for trying to prevent that because of my judgment?

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It also echoes a dad enforcing strict screen time rules while his wife disagrees.

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The mom’s red flags start stacking up fast after those online meetings, the swearing, and the Instagram posts that made her uneasy.

Then the daughter pushes back hard, saying the 13-year-old is basically the reason she feels safe, not a bad influence.

The library “study” situation is where it gets messy, because mom saw it as manipulation while her kid saw it as belonging.

And once the mom realizes her daughter idolizes the girl, the whole issue stops being about rules and turns into a full-on judgment question.

Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.

She might be trying to block a bad influence, but she could also be fighting the one person helping her kid breathe.

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