Should I Keep Inheritance or Give It to Nieces and Nephews?

Some families don’t just fight, they quietly keep score, and this one is doing it with a will. OP just found out an extended family member they barely knew, and honestly thought of as a “horrible person” when they were healthy, left money to OP and their siblings.

Here’s where it gets messy fast: OP’s older sibling, Jade, was extremely close to the deceased, like “peas in a rotten pod.” Jade also has costly vices that have wrecked Jade’s quality of life and spilled over into the kids’ lives, who are still minors. OP feels the moral pull to pass the inheritance to the nieces and nephews, but OP also has their own kids and real-world bills where extra money would actually help.

Now OP is staring at a number they don’t even know yet, wondering if keeping a buffer makes them the villain.

Original Post

First time poster, am trying to keep it vague cos I don't know if family views site. I (40 f) have recently had an extended family member pass away.

Not close at all, would class them as a horrible person up till they were very sick. For some reason they started acting nice(ish).

Found out today that I am in the will to some extent as well as my siblings. One of my older siblings (will call them Jade) was very close to them (they were like pea's in a rotten pod).

Jade is unfortunately affected by costly vices, which has ruined their quality of life as well as affected their children's lives, who are all still minors. I know the morally right thing to do would be to pass whatever the inheritance over to Jade's children, but I have my own kids, and some things happening with life where some extra $$ would make things easier.

WIBTA if I kept some of this money that is a buffer for me vs giving it all to Jade's kids that need all the support we can provide? I don't know the amount.

If it's low, say $3000, I would of course leave it to them. If highish $30000, I would look at dividing.

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This gets messy like the bride who uninvited her critical sibling from the wedding after they attacked her partner’s appearance, and the family fallout that followed: excluding sibling from wedding over criticism of partner.

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Jade’s “we were close” bond with the deceased is exactly why this inheritance feels personal, not just financial.

If the amount is only around $3,000, OP is already leaning toward leaving it to Jade’s kids, but the real fear is what happens if it’s $30,000.

The vice problem is the uncomfortable centerpiece here, because Jade’s kids need support, but Jade’s behavior is also the reason they’re stuck needing it.

OP’s own kids and the “life stuff” that makes the money matter means the decision is not just about fairness, it’s about survival-level timing.</p>

Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.

OP isn’t just choosing where the money goes, they’re deciding whether their family will call them selfish for needing help too.

Before you decide, read how one family member refused to keep babysitting after constant pressure, and what happened next: setting boundaries on babysitting duties.