Should my DIL get a job? AITA for suggesting it?

A 28-year-old woman refused to work, and it turned into a full-on family standoff that started with a phone call and ended with someone blocking everyone. The cast is classic: OP in her late 50s, her son in his late 20s, and his wife in her mid 20s, who is a stay-at-home mom to their baby.

But this isn’t just about money. The real chaos begins when OP’s son admits he’s using “7 tabs,” an over-the-counter drug they claim is highly addictive, and he says his wife was threatening to tell OP about the addiction. Now OP is stuck between not condoning the drug use and feeling like the financial burden should not land on her son’s paycheck.

And once OP suggested her DIL get a job, the baby, the daycare argument, and a very angry “h**g up on me” moment all collided.

Original Post

I (late 50s F) got a phone call recently from my son (late 20s M) and his wife (mid 20s F). They have a baby together.

She is a stay-at-home mom and my son works full time to support them. They called me together to tell me that my son has been using "7 tabs" which I just found out is some type of legal over the counter drug that's highly addictive. He said she was threatening to tell me about his addiction in an attempt to make him stop but he decided he wanted to call me first before she could tell me, out of respect for me.

DIL said they couldn't afford his addiction. Now, I don’t condone his drug use but it’s not his responsibility to provide for her.

The baby should be his only responsibility to provide for financially as his wife is a grown woman and if they were divorced he wouldn’t be providing for her and she would have a job. So I suggested that my DIL could get a job.

Since my son is the one earning money, I explained that ultimately it is his money, and if he chooses to spend it how he wants, that's his decision. This has been bothering me for a while actually.

It makes sense for her to contribute financially instead of expecting him to carry everything alone. She said she doesn't want to put the baby in daycare.

Plenty of mothers work and put their kids in daycare-it's normal. My ex husband was addicted to drugs and in prison and I had to work full time to support my kids.

I have always instilled in my son that he he has to find a woman who works. She then whispered to him to h**g up on me and when I tried to message her I found out that she blocked me.

AITA for suggesting my DIL get a job instead of leaching off of my son?

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That’s when OP’s son’s “7 tabs” confession reframes everything, because now the money problem is tied to an addiction OP didn’t even know about until the call.

Therapists often observe the tension between love and responsibility in family dynamics, particularly in cases of addiction.

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In the context of the Reddit thread concerning the daughter-in-law's employment, it is evident that the underlying issues extend beyond the surface conversation. The complexities of family dynamics are highlighted, particularly regarding responsibility and addiction. The suggestion for the daughter-in-law to seek professional help emerges as a crucial point. Addressing such deep-seated emotional issues through therapy could pave the way for a more stable family environment. This is particularly important given the reported struggles that may be affecting her ability to contribute to the household financially.

Furthermore, the idea of family members engaging in therapy together could significantly enhance communication within the family. This could lead to healthier relationships and a better support system, especially for those grappling with personal challenges like addiction. In this situation, fostering open dialogue about mental health and professional support might just be the key to navigating these complex family dynamics.

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Balancing Work and Support

Balancing work and family support is crucial, especially when a loved one is struggling with addiction.

This reminds me of the roommate conflict, where someone rehomed a dumped cat without asking.

Should I Have Rehomed My Roommates Dumped Cat Without Asking?

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The daycare debate is the next fuse, because OP’s “plenty of mothers work” argument crashes into DIL’s “I don’t want the baby in daycare” line.

In discussing family responsibilities, it's essential to recognize the emotional toll on family members. Many families internalize the stress and guilt associated with a loved one's addiction. This can lead to mental health issues among family members, such as anxiety and depression.

Creating a safe space for family dialogue can help alleviate some of this burden. Regular family meetings to discuss feelings and challenges can foster a supportive environment, leading to better emotional health for everyone involved.

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Then the disrespect hits, DIL whispers for her husband to “h**g up on me,” OP tries to message her, and gets blocked on the spot.

Finding Balance in Relationships

Maintaining balance in relationships, especially when addiction is involved, is crucial.

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What's your opinion on this situation? Join the conversation!

This situation really highlights how complex family dynamics can be, especially when addiction is involved. The original poster's suggestion may come from a place of wanting to restore balance and responsibility, but it also risks shifting the burden onto the daughter-in-law, which could lead to resentment and conflict. In high-stress situations like this, people often struggle to see the broader emotional impacts on those involved, often defaulting to practical solutions rather than addressing the underlying issues of addiction, support, and partnership.

Addressing the question of whether a daughter-in-law should seek employment in light of family complexities reveals the intricate interplay of responsibility and addiction. The original poster highlights the tension between personal choices and familial obligations, illustrating how such discussions can evoke strong emotions. The suggestion for her daughter-in-law to work raises important considerations about the balance of partnership in marriages where addiction may be a factor.

In navigating these sensitive dynamics, fostering open communication becomes essential. The article underscores the importance of creating a supportive environment, which can help family members confront difficult realities together.

The baby was the excuse, the addiction was the bomb, and OP is now wondering if she crossed a line for good.

For a different kind of family betrayal, see what happened when siblings used their savings for a secret vacation. Sibling Betrayal: Refusing to Split Family Expenses After They Used My Savings for a Lavish Vacation.