Should I Refuse to Lend Money to a Family Friend in Financial Trouble?

A 28-year-old woman is trying to hold onto her friendship while also protecting her house-down-payment dream, and it turns out those two goals can clash fast. It starts with Sarah, a longtime family friend, showing up in tears and asking for a substantial loan after some bad investments.

Here’s the messy part, Sarah isn’t a stranger. They’ve known each other for over a decade, grew up in the same neighborhood, and have always leaned on each other. But OP has heard Sarah has a history of poor financial management and borrowing money without always paying it back, and the amount Sarah wants would seriously set OP back.

Now OP is stuck watching her own future shrink in real time, while wondering if saying no will blow up the friendship and the whole social circle.

Original Post

I (28F) have known my family friend, let's call her Sarah, for over a decade. We grew up in the same neighborhood and have always been there for each other.

Sarah recently approached me in tears, explaining that she's in deep financial trouble due to some bad investments. She asked me for a substantial loan to help her out.

For background, I've been saving up for a down payment on a house, and the amount she's asking for would significantly set me back. Additionally, I've heard from mutual friends that Sarah has a history of poor financial management and borrowing money without always paying it back.

I genuinely care about Sarah and want to support her, but I'm hesitant due to the large sum she's requesting and her past behavior. I've always valued our friendship, but this feels like a huge decision with potential long-term consequences.

Sarah is under immense stress, but I can't shake my concerns about the impact this loan could have on my own financial stability and our relationship. If I refuse to lend her the money, it may strain our friendship and create tension within our social circle.

So, would I be the a*****e if I declined Sarah's request for a loan given the circumstances? So WIBTA if I refuse to lend my family friend money after they asked for a substantial loan due to financial troubles?

I honestly don't know what to do in this situation and need some outside perspective.

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This is similar to the friend who asked for cash after a luxury vacation splurge.

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Sarah’s “in tears” moment hits hard, but OP is also doing the math on how much her down payment would get crushed.

The request gets even uglier when OP remembers Sarah’s past habit of borrowing and not fully paying it back.

Then the worry shifts from money to fallout, because refusing could turn a close friendship into awkward tension with mutual friends watching.

By the time Sarah is asking for a “substantial loan,” OP is left wondering if the real risk is the friendship itself.

What do you think about this situation? Let us know in the comments.

OP might care about Sarah, but she can’t afford to pay for Sarah’s bad investments with her own future.

Still debating boundaries with Sarah, read the AITA fight over refusing to lend in urgent need.