Should I Refuse to Lend Money to a Friend Who Ghosted Me for Six Months?

It started with a simple loan, and it turned into a full-on friendship jump scare. A 28-year-old guy, OP, lent money to his college friend Alex, 27, because Alex swore he was going through a rough patch and would pay him back once things stabilized.

Then Alex did the one thing you do not do after borrowing from someone, he vanished. Six months of zero calls, zero texts, no updates, nothing. And just when OP is probably getting used to the silence, Alex pops back up like time reset, asking for another loan and acting like the ghosting never happened.

Now OP is stuck between wanting to be a decent friend and not rewarding disappearing behavior, and the comments are not being gentle about it.

Original Post

So I'm (28M), and I have this friend, let's call him Alex (27M), whom I've known since college. We've always had each other's backs, or so I thought.

About six months ago, Alex asked to borrow some money, explaining that he was dealing with a tough financial situation that he'd pay me back when things improved. Being the good friend I am, I lent him the money without hesitation.

However, after that, Alex ghosted me completely. No calls, no texts, no updates.

It was like he disappeared off the face of the earth. Fast forward to now, Alex suddenly resurfaces in my life, acting like nothing happened.

He's asking for another loan, claiming that he's in a better place now and needs help. I feel conflicted.

On one hand, he was a dear friend, and I want to help. On the other hand, his behavior was hurtful, and I don't want to enable that kind of treatment.

So, would I be the a*****e for refusing to lend him money after he ghosted me for six months, even though he's in need now? I honestly don't know what to do.

The Ghosting Dilemma

This situation really highlights the emotional toll of ghosting, especially when money is involved. The OP lent Alex money during a tough time, which should've strengthened their bond, but six months of silence shattered that trust. It's as if Alex hit the reset button on their friendship, showing up only when he needed something again. That raises the question: can you truly rely on a friend who disappears when things get tough?

In the comments, many users felt sympathy for the OP, but some argued that helping a friend in need is always a priority. This divide reveals how personal experiences shape our views on loyalty and support, especially when past actions complicate the present.

That first “I’ll pay you back soon” loan was supposed to be the solid, supportive moment, but Alex immediately went missing after OP trusted him.

Comment from u/RandomDaisy93

NTA. It's one thing to be there for a friend in need, but ghosting you for half a year and then waltzing back in asking for more cash? Not cool.

Comment from u/LunaStarlight22

Bro, that's a major flag. NTA. Friends don't just disappear when they owe you money and then act like everything's normal. Major red flag.

Comment from u/JupiterRising777

Honestly, that's shady AF. OP, you gotta protect yourself first. NTA if you say no to lending him money again.

Comment from u/CoffeeBeans_89

He vanished for six months and now wants *more* money? Seriously? NTA. Keep your wallet closed, OP.

Six months later, Alex reappears out of nowhere, sliding right back into “I need help” mode like OP didn’t just get left on read for half a year.

Comment from u/TheRealDealio

NTA. Actions speak louder than words, and his actions scream 'bad friend.' You're not a bank, you're a friend. Boundaries are important.

It also echoes the choice in refusing to lend a gambling friend money after he lost on bets.

Comment from u/SunnySideUp

Girl, don't even think twice about it. You're NTA. Who ghosts a friend for half a year and then shows up asking for another loan? Nah, not cool.

Comment from u/MoonChild_94

Oh no, that's a big ol' bag of nope. NTA, OP. Sounds like Alex needs a reality check, not more money.

The real tension is that OP is trying to weigh loyalty to a college friend against the fact that Alex only shows up when there’s money involved.

Comment from u/PizzaIsLyfe

NTA. If he can ghost you for six months, he can figure out his financial mess on his own. Don't let him walk all over you.

Comment from u/SparkleQueen42

NTA. You're not a charity, and he sounds dodgy. Trust your instincts, OP.

Comment from u/TacoTuesday72

Dude, that's mega sketch. NTA all the way. You deserve friends who show up, not just when they need a bailout.

Even the commenters are split, with people calling the ghosting a major red flag and others arguing that needing help should matter, no matter the timing.

What are your thoughts on this situation? Share your perspective in the comments below.

Trust and Money: A Dangerous Mix

The intertwining of friendship and finances often leads to complicated dynamics, and this case is no exception. While the OP clearly cares for Alex, the ghosting raises questions about whether lending money is ever a good idea among friends. The $500 isn’t just a number; it represents trust that’s been broken. For the OP, the prospect of lending again could feel like throwing good money after bad.

Furthermore, readers are divided on the moral implications. Some argue that if a friend truly needs help, that should supersede past grievances. But others see lending money to someone who’s previously ghosted as a recipe for resentment and further emotional distress. This conversation strikes a chord because it forces us to weigh loyalty against self-preservation, a conflict many can relate to.

The Bigger Picture

This story illustrates how friendships can become strained when trust is broken, especially by ghosting.

The Bigger Picture

In this situation, the OP's feelings of conflict stem from a deep-seated sense of betrayal after Alex's six-month silence. Lending money is a significant act of trust, and Alex's sudden reappearance asking for another loan feels like he's disregarding the emotional weight of his previous actions. The comments reflect a universal struggle—how to navigate friendship when past behaviors threaten the foundation of trust. It’s a tough balance between wanting to help a friend and recognizing when that help might enable further hurtful behavior.

OP is not a bank, and Alex already proved he only remembers him when he needs cash.

Still unsure after Alex ghosted you for six months, see whether you should deny your friend a loan again after getting burned.