Should I Share My Inheritance with My Sister?

Inheritance drama has a way of turning “family love” into paperwork and resentment, and this one is especially messy. OP is the youngest of seven kids, raised in the same house, loving their oldest sister like a full sibling, even though the law sees her differently.

Here’s the twist: OP’s oldest sister was actually their father’s niece. Her biological father died before she was born, so their father married her mother and raised her as his own, with everyone in the family keeping the secret, including her husband. Then their father died, and suddenly the inheritance rules hit, forcing the truth to come out and turning a family bond into a fight over who owes what.

Now OP is stuck deciding whether sharing money will protect the relationship, or just fuel the tension.

Original Post

My dad had 7 children, I am the youngest. He has been married several times and we are not all from the same mother, however we all grew up in the same house.

I recently found out my oldest sister is actually not my father's child, but his niece. Her father died before she was born and my father took over the responsibility and married her mother.

My father hid from her that she wasn’t his child, and although the entire family knew, including my sister's husband, nobody told her (these were my father's wishes as he didn’t want her to feel different). My sister got some inheritance from her biological father, but she was unaware that it was actually inheritance.

She was told it was a ‘gift’ from our paternal grandmother. My dad died in November 2018.

We were all devastated. Later, the subject of inheritance came up and we all realised my sister now had to be told she wasn’t my dad's child biologically.

She was of course raised by him and we all love her like a sister, but legally she is not entitled to inheritance, as it is split islamically between his children and wife. It became this massive issue and my sister said she feels like if we don’t each give her her portion of the inheritance, we clearly don’t see her as our sister.

I’m kind of on the fence about this, but I love her and don’t want to wreck our relationship so I will give the money, as have some of my other siblings have but not all of them. She has deep seated issues with the ones who have not given her the money, and I don’t want that for myself or her.

I just want to know what you guys think and whether I would be the a*****e if I didn’t give it to her.

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This gets messy like the sibling who demanded an equal split of parents' care expenses, after one person did most of the caregiving.

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When OP’s dad’s secret finally surfaced after his death in November 2018, the “we all grew up together” story suddenly stopped matching the legal reality for their oldest sister.

OP’s sister, who believed her biological father’s money was a “gift” from a grandmother, now feels owed her portion, and the siblings who did not pay are being treated like they are rejecting her.

The fact that inheritance is split islamically between his children and wife makes this less of a debate about fairness and more of a countdown of who has already handed over their share.

Even though OP plans to give the money, the family’s divide, including which siblings already paid and which did not, is the spark that could keep her “deep seated issues” from cooling down.

Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.

If OP pays to keep the peace, the real question is whether it will stop the resentment, or just make it the new family tradition.

Want another inheritance-style family fight, read about whether to ask parents to cover the wedding expenses they caused.