Should I Skip My Friends Engagement Party After She Started Dating My Ex?

Some friendships survive anything, except the moment your ex walks back into the picture and your best friend treats it like it’s no big deal. In this Reddit post, a 31-year-old woman is staring at an engagement invitation from her close friend, Sarah, and feeling a knot in her stomach she cannot talk herself out of.

Here’s the messy part: Sarah started dating her ex, Alex, after OP’s breakup last year. At first, OP tried to be “understanding,” but it still stung, especially because Sarah never discussed their relationship before jumping in. Now they’re engaged, planning a big party, and Sarah assumes OP will show up happy, like nothing ever happened.

It’s the kind of celebration that turns into a test of loyalty, and OP wants to know if skipping is the only way to breathe.

Original Post

So I'm (31F) and my friend, let's call her Sarah, have been close since college. After my breakup with my ex (30M, let's call him Alex) last year, Sarah started dating him.

At first, I was shocked and hurt, but I tried to be understanding since they really hit it off. Fast forward to now, they're engaged and planning a big party to celebrate.

Sarah just sent me an invitation, assuming I'd be thrilled to attend, but I can't shake off the feelings of betrayal and hurt. It's not just about my past with Alex; it's the fact that Sarah never discussed their relationship with me before diving in.

I feel like she disregarded my feelings and now expects me to put on a happy face at their party. So, AITA if I refuse to attend the engagement party out of respect for my own emotions?

This situation really shines a light on the fragility of friendships, especially when romantic entanglements get involved. The OP's feelings of betrayal are palpable, considering it's one thing for Sarah to date her ex, Alex, but to throw an engagement party seems like a slap in the face. It raises the question: how do you celebrate a friend’s happiness when it feels like they’ve disregarded your emotional well-being?

In many ways, this story encapsulates a common dilemma: should loyalty and past relationships dictate current friendships? The OP's struggle to reconcile her feelings while considering her friend's joy reflects a tension that many readers can relate to, making it a hot topic for discussion.

When OP sees Sarah’s invitation for the engagement party, the “trying to be understanding” phase instantly falls apart.

Comment from u/banana_dreamer33

Dang, that's messed up. NTA. Your friend should've talked to you before dating your ex. She's putting you in an awkward spot now.

Comment from u/midnight_rainbow87

I can't even imagine how you must feel. That's a tough situation. It's okay to prioritize your feelings. NTA.

Comment from u/cookie_crumbles

Sarah blindsided you big time. It's totally understandable why you'd struggle with this. NTA for wanting to skip the party.

The fact that Sarah dated Alex without so much as a heads-up makes every future smile feel forced.

Comment from u/wandering_starlight

Girl, that's a hard pass on the party. NTA all the way. Who does that to a friend?

Comment from u/cheesecake_queen89

Wow, that's a major breach of trust. NTA. You have every right to protect your own emotions in this situation.

It also echoes the bachelorette-party mess where a best friend invited a cheating ex and still expected everyone to celebrate.

Comment from u/silent_tiger51

NTA. Your friend crossed a line without considering your feelings. Taking some space is a reasonable response.

As the party planning ramps up, OP is stuck between swallowing her hurt and being the “happy guest” Sarah expects.

Comment from u/whispering_willow22

NTA. Friendship should involve respect and communication. Sarah messed up big time here, not you.

Comment from u/cinnamon_swirl76

No way you're the AH here. Sarah should've handled this with more sensitivity. NTA for thinking of your well-being.

Comment from u/fierce_daisy11

NTA. Your friend chose your ex over your friendship. It's okay to protect your heart in this situation.

Even the commenters like banana_dreamer33, midnight_rainbow87, and cookie_crumbles agree this is exactly the kind of betrayal that puts OP in an impossible spot.

Comment from u/stormy_skyline

NTA. Sarah should've considered your feelings before diving into a relationship with your ex. You're not in the wrong for wanting to skip the party.

What are your thoughts on this situation? Share your perspective in the comments below.

The Complicated Dynamics of Exes

What’s particularly fascinating here is how quickly the dynamics can shift in relationships. Sarah’s decision to date Alex could be seen as a betrayal, but it also raises questions about consent and agency in relationships. It’s critical to remember that while the OP may feel hurt, Sarah has her own narrative and feelings to navigate.

Reddit users' reactions highlight this complexity, with some siding with the OP, arguing that Sarah should have considered her friend's feelings before moving forward. Others point out that love doesn’t always heed past relationships, adding another layer to an already delicate situation.

The Bottom Line

This story captures the emotional turmoil that can arise when love and friendship collide, prompting us to think about how we navigate these often murky waters. It’s a reminder that while relationships can be beautiful, they come with strings attached—especially when exes are involved. How do you think the OP should handle this situation? Should she prioritize her feelings or support her friend's engagement?

OP’s not refusing a party, she’s refusing to pretend her feelings don’t exist.

Wondering if Sarah’s ex-to-wedding betrayal is a “skip it” moment too, read this AITA about skipping a friend’s wedding after dating her ex.