Should I Stop Buying Coffee for the Front Desk Guard Every Day?

Some apartment complexes run on security cameras and locked doors, but this one runs on something much more petty: morning coffee and vibes at the front desk. A 23-year-old woman in college has been buying her doorman a cup now and then, mostly because it makes her feel good and gives her a reason to get out the door.

The catch? Money is tight. In between freelancing and taking classes, she can’t always swing the extra $20. And when she doesn’t bring coffee, the doorman, who is around 60 and married, suddenly turns cold, scowls, and acts like she personally betrayed him.

So now she’s stuck wondering if her daily “coffee kindness” is turning into a guilt trap.

Original Post

Hi, I’m a 23F, I live in an apartment complex and have a doorman who watches the front desk for security reasons. Usually, I like to go out in the morning for my cup of coffee down the street.

Mind you I’m in college, and in between jobs doing freelancing, so money's very tight for me. But I still offer coffee for the front guard every so often when I feel generous or I want to share the extra $20 I have.

But recently I noticed, every time either I don’t offer him coffee or buy it for him, he just isn’t friendly and kind of scowls at me. I mean, I would totally offer him coffee all the time if I could but I just can’t.

And I know yeah, coffee is a waste of money, but it’s the only thing I spend money on and I consider self care, it’s a reason for me to get up in the morning. But yeah, I mean, all this kind of has turned me off from the idea of offering to buy and pay for his coffee anymore, because it makes me feel really bad when I can’t afford it.

So WIBTA if I just stopped doing this? Edit 1: I go to state school, but I try to take as many classes online to cut commute costs since I don't have a car and no dorm = way less tuition, even though my parents help with it.

And also, for added detail, I’ve lived here for maybe 1.5 years and he’s 60ish and married.

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Also, this feels like the best friend choosing whether to reveal her secret crush.

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She starts out offering coffee “every so often,” but the second she skips a day, the front desk guard’s mood flips like a switch.

The scowls hit harder because OP already admits coffee is basically her only consistent splurge while she’s juggling college and freelancing.

And because she’s lived there for 1.5 years, it’s not like this is brand-new behavior, it’s a pattern tied to whether she buys the guard his morning cup.

Now she’s weighing whether stopping is just setting a boundary, or if it’s going to make things even more awkward at the front desk.

What's your opinion on this situation? Join the conversation!

If the coffee is the only thing keeping him friendly, he may not like the new schedule.

Wait, that cat declaw ultimatum is even messier, read about friends demanding your cat get declawed.