Should I Stop Giving My Mom Money From My Student Finance?

It started with a “just this once” loan, and now it sounds like OP’s student finance is basically paying the bills at home. One year and a half of constant requests turned into a stack of transfers, each one wrapped in urgency and guilt.

OP is 19, living at home, and trying to make student finance cover their own life because their mum “cannot afford” to support them. But their mum has repeatedly asked for money: £500 from an internship that was never repaid, then £160, £300 for an older brother in his thirties facing housing trouble, and a recent £1000 after claiming her business would be shut down. Even after that, she asked for another £500 for missed rent and eviction fears.

Now OP is wondering if drawing a line makes them selfish, or if the real problem is that their income keeps getting treated like an entitlement.

Original Post

I am 19 and live at home. Over the past year and a half my mum has repeatedly asked me for money.

The first time was £500 from my first ever paycheck from a short internship which she said she would pay back but never did. Since then I have given her £160, then £300 for my older brother whos in his thirties when he was at risk of losing his housing, and recently £1000 because she said her business would be shut down if she did not pay.All of this money apart from the first £500 has come from my student finance.

I use my student finance to support myself because my mum cannot afford to give me money, so I cover my own expenses. I am already in overdraft and after clearing that and paying for a flight I need to take, I will have basically nothing left.

Despite this she asked me for another £500 saying the rent had been missed and that we could be evicted, and I felt pressured and guilty and sent it.

None of the money she has borrowed from me has been paid back. I love my mum and I know she is under a lot of stress, but I am starting to feel like my income is being seen as something she is entitled to.

Am I wrong for wanting to draw a line or am I being selfish?

Financial Responsibility Insights

Comment from u/Ordinary-Audience363

Comment from u/ARX7

Comment from u/ToastetteEgg

That first £500 “I’ll pay you back” promise from OP’s internship is where the trust started, and it never got repaid.

The scenario presented by the Reddit user highlights a crucial aspect of family dynamics: the potential emotional fallout from financial dependency. The young adult's dilemma of providing financial support to their mother while managing their own student finance is emblematic of a broader issue faced by many. This relationship can cultivate feelings of guilt and resentment, making it imperative for young individuals to navigate this terrain carefully.

Finding a balance between familial support and personal financial health is essential. Open discussions about financial expectations could alleviate the emotional burden of guilt, paving the way for healthier family relationships. The path forward requires not only financial awareness but also an understanding of personal boundaries, ensuring that the act of giving does not come at the cost of one's own stability.

Comment from u/katzgames61

Comment from u/AJSCRPT

Comment from u/TresWhat

Then the requests kept coming, from £160 to £300 for OP’s brother’s housing crisis, all while OP says their own expenses are already tight.

Family dynamics can complicate financial support, often creating a sense of obligation among young adults.

Comment from u/reservedandbooked

Comment from u/26Sugarandspice

Comment from u/bloodhoundvikir

Research from financial planners indicates that financial literacy is crucial among young adults to prevent dependency.

This education can empower young individuals to make informed decisions about their finances, ultimately reducing the risk of being manipulated into supporting family members at their own expense. Setting financial goals and limits is vital for cultivating independence.

It’s a lot like the AITA where OP chose a solo backpacking trip over a cherished family reunion, and their family flipped out.

Comment from u/TeenySod

Comment from u/TeddyBear181

Comment from u/RidiculousSucculent

The pressure spikes when mum claims her business will shut down unless OP sends £1000, and OP does it anyway because guilt is doing the driving.

Setting Healthy Boundaries

This approach fosters healthier family relationships while protecting one's financial future.

Comment from u/ApprehensiveBook4214

Comment from u/Obvious-Arrival2571

Comment from u/alfooboboao

And after clearing the overdraft and a flight, OP still gets hit with another £500 rent warning, which is when the resentment really starts to surface.

Financial advisors often stress the importance of having a contingency plan when extending financial support to family.

Comment from u/Icy-Celebration-6689

We're curious to hear your perspective. Share your thoughts in the comments.

This scenario underscores the intricate nature of family dynamics intertwined with financial obligations.

In navigating the complexities of family financial dynamics, it's essential to balance support with self-preservation.

OP might love their mum, but nobody should feel like their student finance is just another rent payment.

Before you decide, read how OP confronted parental favoritism toward their sister in this AITA.