Should I Tell My Best Friend Her Boyfriend Hit on Me?

A 28-year-old woman refused to go along when her best friend’s boyfriend, James, crossed a line at a bar, and now she’s stuck between two kinds of loyalty.

Emily, 26, has been dating James, 30, for about a year, and the OP says she always got a vibe that he was “too friendly,” but nothing ever proved it until last Friday. While Emily was at the bar grabbing more drinks, James made a move on her, said inappropriate things, and tried to kiss her. She shut it down, told him off, and then went quiet, avoiding Emily’s calls and texts because she can’t decide if telling the truth will save Emily or blow up their whole relationship.

Now she’s wondering if silence makes her the bad guy.

Original Post

So I'm (28F) in a really tough spot right now. My best friend, let's call her Emily (26F), has been dating this guy, James (30M), for about a year now.

Now, James is a smooth talker, and I always got a vibe from him that he was a bit too friendly with me, but nothing concrete. Here's where it gets messy.

Last Friday, we all went out for drinks to celebrate Emily's promotion. While Emily was at the bar getting more drinks, James made a move on me.

He said some really inappropriate things and even tried to kiss me. I shut it down immediately and told him off.

I've been torn about whether or not to tell Emily. On one hand, she's my best friend, and I would want to know if my partner did something like this.

But at the same time, I don't want to ruin their relationship or come off as a liar or troublemaker. I've been avoiding Emily's calls and texts because I don't know how to handle this situation.

I don't want to be the reason their relationship falls apart, but I also feel like I'm betraying Emily by not telling her the truth. So, Reddit, AITA for keeping this from my best friend, even though it involves her boyfriend?

The Dilemma of Loyalty

This scenario strikes at the heart of loyalty within friendships. The OP must weigh her allegiance to Emily against the ethical responsibility of informing her about James's advances. It's a classic case of 'what would you do?' that many readers can relate to, making it a buzzworthy topic in the comments section.

Some might argue that keeping this secret protects Emily from unnecessary heartache, while others feel that she deserves to know the truth about her boyfriend's intentions. This tension between protecting a friend's feelings and ensuring they're aware of potential betrayal is what makes this thread so compelling.

When James tried to kiss the OP right after saying inappropriate stuff, the “maybe he’s just friendly” excuse instantly stopped working.

Comment from u/mocha_addict247

NTA.

Comment from u/skatergrl_88

YTA. You need to tell her. Secrets like this always come out, and it will be worse if Emily finds out on her own. Your loyalty should be with your friend, not her shady boyfriend.

Comment from u/pizza_luver12

ESH. James is obviously the biggest AH here, hitting on you while dating Emily. You're not blameless either, keeping this from your friend. Be honest, she deserves to know the truth.

Comment from u/beachbum_47

NTA. It's a tough situation, but you have to think about what's best for Emily in the long run. Secrets like this often end up surfacing, and it's better coming from you than someone else later on.

Emily’s promotion night turns into the exact moment the OP realizes she might be the only person who knows what James did.

Comment from u/cookiesandcream123

YTA. Put yourself in Emily's shoes. Wouldn't you want to know if your boyfriend was hitting on your best friend? It's better to have the truth out in the open, even if it hurts initially.

This is similar to the AITA case where someone kept her best friend’s cheating boyfriend secret.

Comment from u/travelbug_19

NTA. This is tricky, but honesty is key in any relationship. It might be hard, but Emily deserves to know the truth. Keeping this from her will do more harm than good in the end.

Comment from u/musiclover99

ESH. James is the main AH for hitting on you, but you need to consider your friend's feelings. Telling her might hurt initially, but it's the right thing to do in the long run.

The OP’s avoidance of Emily’s calls and texts makes the secret feel heavier than the original incident at the bar.

Comment from u/sunny_disposition

YTA. If you truly value your friendship with Emily, you need to be honest with her. Keeping this a secret will only lead to more issues down the line. It's not worth sacrificing your integrity over.

Comment from u/bookworm_gal

NTA. This is a tough position to be in, but ultimately, being honest with Emily is the best course of action. Secrets have a way of coming out eventually, and it's better coming from you directly.

Comment from u/coffeeholic_15

YTA. Emily deserves to know the truth, no matter how difficult it is. Imagine if the roles were reversed; wouldn't you want her to be honest with you? Trust is the foundation of any friendship.

Even the top comments split hard, with one person calling her NTA and another screaming YTA, because Emily might find out either way.

What are your thoughts on this situation? Share your perspective in the comments below.

James's Role in the Conflict

James's behavior adds a layer of complexity to the situation.

This story serves as a poignant reminder of the complexities involved in friendships and romantic relationships. The OP's struggle to decide whether to tell Emily about James's advances highlights the often murky waters of loyalty and honesty. As readers weigh in, it raises a significant question: in situations like this, where do you draw the line between protecting a friend and being honest about a betrayal? What would you do if you found yourself in the OP's shoes?

Why This Matters

The situation at hand reveals a classic conflict between loyalty and honesty. The poster feels torn between protecting her best friend, Emily, and the moral obligation to disclose James's inappropriate advances. This dilemma is amplified by the fear of being seen as a troublemaker, which many can relate to when faced with such sensitive scenarios. Ultimately, her internal struggle reflects a broader question about the balance between safeguarding a friendship and ensuring that those we care about are aware of potential betrayals.

Emily deserves the truth before James gets to rewrite the story.

Still torn about loyalty versus honesty, read what OP did after learning her best friend’s cheating. Should I tell my best friend’s partner about her cheating?