Girl Asks If She's Wrong To Tell Her Mom That Her Baby Sisters Are Not Her Responsibility

Ever since the dawn of time, if you had siblings, you were always expected to look after one another because that's what family does. You look after them, and they look after you.

That's how it has gone and is how we're still taught today.

The responsibility is even heavier if you're the older child. You're expected to almost co-parent with your parents and help them deal with the little ones, especially when your parents are busy working or doing other things.

However, there is also a limit to these responsibilities, given that you're a child of your parents too. While filial responsibility does expect you to help out, it should be completely voluntary and not something your parents should force upon you.

Remember, they're the parents, not you. And even if you willingly help out, parents should also realize that you're allowed to live a life appropriate for your age.

As it seems, that's not something the mom of Redditor Confusion_always realizes. She's always tasking her teen daughters to look after their baby sisters, and when they so much as say that they're tired, she bombards them with harsh reprimands and insults.

After one argument, OP tells her mom that her sisters aren't her responsibility, and her mom goes ballistic. Now, OP doesn't know if she was right or wrong to say it.

Here's the whole story.

OP asks:

Confusion_always

It all started when the family went out to eat for dinner and the teen girls were asked to look after their twin baby sisters

Confusion_always

After the younger teen mentions that she's tired, their mom lectures them and tells them they have no right to say they're tired

Confusion_always

The Dynamics of Family Responsibility

In many families, the expectation that older siblings care for younger siblings can stem from cultural norms and parental expectations. Research from the University of Minnesota indicates that when parents delegate caregiving tasks to older children, it can lead to feelings of resentment and burden, particularly when these responsibilities are perceived as excessive or unfair.

This dynamic may create an environment where siblings feel obligated to prioritize family needs over their own developmental stages, potentially hampering their emotional growth. In fact, the American Psychological Association highlights how such pressures can disrupt sibling relationships and foster long-term resentment.

Losing her cool, OP tells their mom that her sisters aren't her responsibility

Confusion_always

We believe that there is absolutely nothing wrong with OP's statement. It's a fact.

She's not the parent of her sisters, and technically, it's the parents' primary responsibility to take care of the kids, not the older children. The older children can help out with the younger ones, but the primary responsibility still lies with the parents.

This is something their mom might have forgotten. It's tiring being a parent, yes, but it's also unfair to expect your older kids to take on a significant portion of their work for them.

As it seems, people in the comments section also agree. Here are the top comments.

1. It should be OP's choice to help out, and she shouldn't be forced into it

dwotw

2. If the mom is busy, she should hire a babysitter rather than using her older kids as free ones

YMMV-But

From a developmental psychology perspective, it's crucial to recognize that adolescents are still in a critical phase of identity formation. According to studies published in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence, the stress of taking on too much responsibility can hinder this process, leading to issues such as anxiety and low self-esteem. Thus, we must advocate for a balance that allows young individuals to explore their identities without the added weight of adult responsibilities.

3. Just because they're older doesn't mean that they should immediately share their parent's burden

MotherEastern3051

4. Maybe it would be much better that way

justputonashirt

5. Not your kid, not your responsibility.

fine_Ill_get_reddit

Empowering Healthy Boundaries

Setting boundaries is essential for maintaining healthy relationships. Experts suggest that adolescents should communicate their limits clearly to their parents, emphasizing that while they are willing to help, they also need space to grow and develop independently. According to research from Harvard University, teaching young people about assertiveness can significantly improve their self-efficacy and relationship satisfaction.

Practical steps include engaging in open discussions about family roles and responsibilities, ensuring that all voices are heard, and considering each person's needs. This approach promotes understanding and can alleviate the emotional burden often placed on older siblings.

6. It seems like the mom is pushing her unwanted responsibilities onto her older children

lil-nan72

7. Their mother's reaction to them expressing how they felt was just toxic

StrayCatThulhu

8. She's basically making them work as free babysitters

MamanBear79

Furthermore, parents should reflect on their own childhood experiences and how they might unconsciously replicate those patterns in their parenting. A study from Stanford University illuminates how parents' own upbringing influences their parenting style, often leading to unintentional pressure on children to fulfill certain roles. Recognizing this pattern can foster more equitable family dynamics and encourage healthier emotional development in children.

9. No more free babysitting

breathemusic14

10. Their mom isn't creating a healthy relationship with them

SnooCalculations9863

11. When you have kids, whether accidentally or not, you should know that they're your full responsibility and should be prepared to take it on

DBgirl83

12. And parents wonder what they did wrong

DrTimmyTenders

13. The mom was just upset at hearing the truth

Due-Compote-4723

14. A better solution for everyone

Automatic-Diamond-52

15. OP was just stating facts

candycoatedcoward

16. OP is still a child and should not be responsible for raising other kids

Iamhuntingwerewolves

17. It's a shame she can't leave immediately

gloryhokinetic

18. The mom still clearly needs her older kids

No-Cheesecake4542

19. Their mom should learn to be a proper parent and stand by her actions

Remarkable_Owl_8412

20. Maybe their mom would learn to do her job the right way this way

Unholysinner

OP's mom should realize that OP herself is still a child who needs the love and guidance of a parent and that she shouldn't be forced to raise other kids. She should also be treated equally and be allowed to live out her teen years as she should.

If not, OP wouldn't grow any closer to her mom, and the first chance she gets to break free, she would definitely do it and might not even come back to her mom. In the end, it would be the mom's fault.

What do you think? Was OP right or wrong?

Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights a common issue where older siblings feel overwhelmed by responsibilities that should ideally be shared among adults. It’s important to acknowledge that while helping family is valuable, it should not come at the expense of one's own development and well-being. Encouraging open dialogue about these expectations can help alleviate some of the pressure experienced by the older sibling.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Ultimately, it's vital to navigate these family dynamics with care and understanding. Research indicates that fostering open communication and mutual respect within the family can lead to healthier relationships and emotional well-being for all members involved. Implementing strategies that prioritize each person's needs can create a more balanced family environment.