He Says Seeing His Kids 12 Days A Month Is “Exhausting” - Now His Girlfriend Is Thinking About Walking Away

Burnout is deeply personal. Two people can be overwhelmed for entirely different reasons, yet both feel equally depleted.

The danger comes when one person’s coping style clashes with the other’s emotional needs. Some of us survive by solving, restructuring, and pushing forward.

Others need space to vent, to be validated, and to feel heard before anything gets fixed. When those approaches collide—especially in parenting, where identity and sacrifice run deep—it can quickly turn into a quiet competition over whose load is heavier.

And once comparison enters the room, empathy tends to leave. That’s what happened between the OP and her boyfriend, who is a divorced dad of two.

The OP also has a 2-year-old, and she has full custody of the baby since birth. OP's boyfriend opened up about feeling burned out during his time with his kids.

The OP immediately shifted into problem-solving mode, offering practical ideas and mindset shifts that have helped her manage years as a full-time single parent without breaks. To the OP, that was support, but her boyfriend felt dismissed, as though she was suggesting his exhaustion was simply an attitude problem.

The OP apologized, yet part of her still feels frustrated. It’s hard not to measure his experience against her own, and now OP's left wondering whether she failed to lead with empathy—or whether they both struggled to see beyond their own version of tired.

The OP writes...

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He became annoyed at a certain point

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The final part

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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the AH:

(1) when my bf was complaining about burnout surrounding time with kids, i told him he needs to find ways to enjoy it and change his attitude instead of providing emotional support (2) after he accused me of not getting it, i'm thinking that perhaps i really am not seeing his side of things well enough. by default, i think my situation is much tougher so if i can do it, he definitely can, but i'm wondering if i'm missing some perspetive here

And the comments roll in...

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He gets kids free days

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This Redditor just had to ask

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What a story

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The OP disclosed how they met

We met about two years ago through uni, we've been mostly study buddies at first then became closer friends. He told me about the divorce about.. a little over a year ago? And the whole relationship thing is very fresh, only over a month in. Idk if its relevant but between the divorce and me he's also been in another short relationship. I haven't been in any since I split with my son's dad, at the beginning of the pregnancy, about 2.5 years ago.

And the comments continues...

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A giant red flag

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The exhaustion

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Being called out

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In the end, this isn’t really about who has it harder or whose reaction was more justified. It’s about how quickly two tired people can miss each other when they’re both carrying invisible weight.

The OP may have led with solutions when her partner needed empathy. He may have reacted from a place of feeling judged rather than supported, but what this situation has shown is that resilience can sometimes look like dismissal to someone who copes differently.

And feeling overwhelmed doesn’t require equal circumstances to be valid. OP's years as a full-time single parent have shaped her to endure and adapt.

Her partner's experience of burnout is shaped by his own limits, expectations, and emotions. Neither reality cancels the other out.