Struggling with Cultural Expectations: A 22-Year-Olds Dilemma of Moving Out Despite Familys Disapproval

AITA for wanting to move out and live independently despite my parents' cultural expectations and family problems?

Damjan

Published in Interesting
19 Jan 2026

Struggling with Cultural Expectations: A 22-Year-Olds Dilemma of Moving Out Despite Familys Disapproval

A 22-year-old guy in the UK just wanted one normal milestone, moving out with a friend and living on his own. Instead, his family treated it like a betrayal, not a lease.

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He grew up with Indian parents who, in his words, are not abusive but are traditionally controlling, especially around dating, going out, and independence. When his mum found out he had a white girlfriend, she blew up and threatened to cut him out, and the silence lasted months because every calm attempt turned into shouting. Add in the fact that his dad has been slowly becoming an alcoholic for years, and he’s been the one stepping in to stop the house from going up in flames, all while trying to save himself.

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Now he’s finally got the money and the plan, and his mum is acting like a 40 to 50 minute drive is the end of the family.

Original Post

I’m a 22-year-old guy in the UK with Indian parents. I was raised in the uk and there weren’t many other Indian people in my area, so I’ve always clashed a bit with my parents over cultural things like going out, relationships, and independence.

They aren’t abusive or evil, but they are traditionally controlling. For example, last year my mum found out I had a white girlfriend and completely blew up, threatening to cut me out of the family.

We didn’t speak for months because every time I tried to talk calmly she would shout and lose her temper (this is common for her, I have recommended therapy in the past which she refuses.) For context, my parents own a shop. My dad has slowly become an alcoholic over the last 10 years.

I’ve had to break up arguments for years, and over the last few years I’ve emotionally checked out because it’s exhausting. I’ve tried to help him many times but he’s never really changed.

I still step in when things get bad because I hate conflict in the house. I didn’t go to university but I’ve landed a well-paid job.

I can finally afford a dream I’ve had since I was a teenager: moving to a flat/apartment in a big city nearby with a friend and living independently in my 20s. We’ve found places and I’m excited.

It’s only a 40–50 minute drive away. When I cautiously brought this up, my mum exploded.

She said I’m betraying her, abandoning the family, and leaving her alone with my dad and the shop. In her eyes this is worse because, culturally, sons are expected to live with their parents long-term.

I’ve always said that isn’t what I want. I said this would only be for a couple of years and then I’d rent the flat out as an investment.

I’ve helped a lot with the shop and my dad over the years, but I’m drained by the constant tension and shouting. I’m very non confrontational and it’s caused me my first panic attacks.

My two older sisters never pushed back like I have, so I get the most resistance about independence from my parents. I feel guilty, but I also feel like I’m an adult who deserves to live his own life after working hard.