Struggling Husband Contemplates Leaving Wife After Infidelity And New Relationship - AITA

A husband is trying to figure out whether he’s the villain or just finally fed up, after his wife’s cheating confession and a pregnancy that complicated everything all over again.

He and his wife were married for seven years when she admitted to multiple affairs spanning four years, right after a miscarriage. He refused to go back to therapy, moved out, and only came home sometimes to handle the house and animals, while she kept pushing him to return. Then they ended up having sex, she got pregnant again, and during most of the pregnancy he was away for work, building a bond with someone else.

Now a baby boy has been born, his wife is pressuring him to reconcile, and he’s wondering if leaving is the wrong move, or the only move that makes sense.

Original Post

My (34M) wife (32F) and I have been married for 7 years. After a miscarriage, she admitted to me that she had multiple affairs over the last 4 years of our marriage.

Her last affair ended a year ago. She begged for us to go to therapy to work on our marriage, but I refused to go.

During this time, I had moved out of the house. Occasionally, I would go back to take care of the house and animals, and she would constantly try to manipulate me into coming back.

I had every intention of getting a divorce, but the process is slow. I hated the betrayal I felt, but I also missed my wife during the separation.

One thing led to another, and we had sex, and she got pregnant again. Shortly after the news came, I had to leave for work about 12 hours away from her.

She would call to give me updates about the pregnancy and talk about our marriage. We were separated for the majority of her pregnancy.

I told her that I still wanted a divorce, but I would consider reconciling after the baby was born. After several months away from her, I came to the realization that I could not trust her, nor could I forgive her for her infidelity.

I feel like the last 7 years of my life have been a lie. While I was away from her, I met someone, and a relationship blossomed between us.

I truly feel like I love this woman. She has been made aware that I am still married and that I have a baby on the way.

My wife is not aware of my new girlfriend. Fast forward to a month ago, I had to go home for the birth of our baby boy.

My wife has been pressuring me to reconcile, but I told her that I plan to divorce her again. After the birth of our baby boy, she has been blaming me for ruining our family because I don't want to stay with her and try to fix our marriage.

I want to have a co-parenting relationship with my wife, but she is acting very erratically while I am here for our son. AITA for wanting to leave my wife?

Any advice on how to deal with this is appreciated. Edit: Thank you all for the mixed reviews.

It was expected. I will be talking with a lawyer and will update once I have a chance to talk to one.

Appreciate the sound advice as well.

The Emotional Toll of Infidelity

Infidelity can have profound emotional consequences, often leading to feelings of betrayal, anger, and confusion.

Comment from u/bepdhc

Comment from u/Dangerous-Toad12

While OP was away for work for 12 hours at a time, his wife kept calling with pregnancy updates and trying to talk their marriage back into existence.

Moreover, the emotional aftermath of infidelity often leads to trust issues that can hinder future relationships. Individuals may find themselves grappling with insecurities and fears related to intimacy, which can create barriers to forming new connections.

Understanding these emotional repercussions is crucial for individuals navigating the aftermath of infidelity, as it can inform their healing journey and future relationship choices.

Comment from u/jittarao

Comment from u/FlinflanFluddle4

The decision to leave a relationship after infidelity is rarely straightforward.

Comment from u/WostTownHero

Comment from u/Prestonluv

That’s when OP realized he couldn’t trust her, couldn’t forgive the cheating, and started leaning fully into the relationship he formed while separated.

Additionally, when contemplating leaving a relationship, it's important to consider the emotional needs of all parties involved.

This reminds me of the AITA OP choosing necessary home repairs over funding her sister’s dream trip, and how fast family resentment escalates.

Comment from u/Jealous-Studio-527

Comment from u/Relative_Dust_1878

Practical Approaches to Healing After Infidelity

To facilitate healing after infidelity, it may be beneficial to engage in individual or couples therapy.

Comment from u/Yoyoyodamn

Comment from u/montauk6

After the baby was born, his wife turned the pressure up, blaming him for “ruining” the family because he won’t stay and “fix” things.

How would you handle this situation? Let us know in the comments.

Comment from u/lmb123454321

Comment from u/pepperpat64

Comment from u/Witty_Gene_904

Comment from u/Druidic_Focus

Comment from u/Long-Oil-5681

Comment from u/KurosakiOnepiece

Comment from u/issueshappy

Comment from u/Robinnoodle

Comment from u/Tasty_Doughnut_9226

And right now, OP is stuck doing damage control for co-parenting with an erratic wife who is only focused on reconciliation when their son is involved.

The story of the husband contemplating leaving his wife after her infidelity and unexpected pregnancy highlights the intricate emotional landscape that accompanies such betrayals. The husband's initial response to seek divorce reveals a natural reaction to betrayal, yet the subsequent pressure from his wife complicates matters further. This scenario illustrates the necessity of addressing the profound feelings of hurt and betrayal that arise from infidelity.

Open communication appears to be essential in this situation. The husband must navigate not only his own emotions but also the implications of his wife's actions on their relationship. Engaging in constructive dialogue may provide clarity and help both parties confront their feelings, ultimately leading to more informed decisions about their future together or apart.

He may be trying to be a decent co-parent, but nobody expects this marriage to survive the double pregnancy bomb.

Before you judge their “therapy or nothing” standoff, see how OP handled in-laws during her pregnancy reveal in this AITA pregnancy announcement etiquette dilemma.