He Wants To Pause Paying Off His Wife’s Student Loans And It Turns Into A Standoff
A smart money decision feels like a broken promise.
For the past year and a half, OP has been carrying most of the financial weight in his marriage.
His wife finished college, realized she hated the field she studied for, and chose to work a fast food job instead. The pay isn’t great, but OP supports her choice because it makes her happier.
That choice, however, shifted the balance when it came to student loans.
She graduated with just over $32,000 in debt. OP is in the military, and by sticking to a bare-bones budget, his income covers all their living expenses. On top of that, he’s been putting between $1,400 and $1,600 a month toward her loans. She contributes another $600 to $800, depending on her hours.
When student loan interest paused during COVID, they changed tactics. Instead of sending the money directly to the loan servicer, they funneled it into savings.
Slowly, that account grew. Now it’s sitting at $10,000.
The remaining balance on the loan is about $7,000, which means they could pay it off completely and still have $3,000 left. On paper, it looks like the finish line.
But life is about to shift again.
The military is relocating them. A move is coming with upfront costs, delayed reimbursements, higher monthly rent, a lower housing allowance, and no job lined up yet for OP’s wife.
OP worries that draining the savings now could leave them stuck waiting for reimbursements with no safety net.
He asked to wait a couple of weeks after the move before paying the loan off.
His wife didn’t take it well. She says having the loans open is a constant source of stress and that paying them off now would give her peace of mind. Since then, she’s been distant and upset.
Now OP is questioning whether he’s being reasonable or missing something important.
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Let’s dig into the details
Reddit.comA bit of backstory
Reddit.comThe military is making OP and his wife move soon. which would inquire some costs. Sure, the military will pay back the money, but it could take some time
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In addition, the new place will cost them more and OP’s wife doesn’t have a job lined up for her when they arrive
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OP decided to pause paying off his wife’s remaining student loan till they settle at this new place, but she’s been giving him the silent treatment since he made this decision
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We gathered some interesting comments from the Reddit community
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“Tell her to relax and stop overreacting and being unreasonable.”
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“It's really understandable that she wants this whole debt off of her back, but you two need the liquid for emergencies..”
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“Maybe pay half the remainder off. That leaves you a nice chunk left and probably helps ease her mind as well.”
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“This is the right time to put paying off debt on hold and squirreling as much money as you can.”
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“Having an emergency cash stash when there is a decent chance you will need it shortly is far more important than paying her loans off early.”
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“She's using you essentially as an ATM in this instance. Stop paying her loans.”
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To OP, the savings account is security during a risky transition. To his wife, the student loans are a heavy emotional burden she’s desperate to close.
Neither is wrong for what they value, but timing has turned a shared goal into a conflict.
The real challenge isn’t whether the debt should be paid, but when and how much uncertainty they can tolerate along the way. What would you prioritize in this situation? Share your thoughts in the comments.
