Redditor Shares How Fiancee Broke Their Agreement After Wanting To Celebrate Their Birthday On Thanksgiving

For individuals born on or around Thanksgiving, birthday celebrations can be overshadowed by the holiday. Some families choose to merge the celebrations, incorporating birthday traditions into the Thanksgiving meal.

Others may delay birthday festivities until the following week or a more convenient time. This can be a compromise, allowing the birthday celebrant to still feel special while avoiding conflict with the holiday.

However, it can also lead to feelings of being overlooked or underappreciated. The approach depends on the individual's preferences and the family's vibes.

Some people enjoy the unique aspect of having a birthday connected to a major holiday, while others find it stressful. In some cases, the birthday celebrant may feel like they're hijacking the holiday, while others may see it as an opportunity to make the day even more special.

OP's birthday falls on November 25, and in the past, their family would often merge the celebration with Thanksgiving. However, with a new partner, Tiffany, and her family involved, things have become more complicated.

OP and Tiffany had previously discussed and agreed upon a plan to celebrate OP's birthday, but now Tiffany's family is pushing for a traditional Thanksgiving dinner without any birthday festivities. OP feels like his special day is being overlooked, and the agreement he had reached with Tiffany seems to be broken.

OP wonders if they'll be able to find a solution that works for everyone. Read on to find out how this holiday dispute unfolded.

The OP writes...

Reddit

They agreed to spend Thanksgiving with her family

Reddit

OP's mom loved the idea

Reddit

Dr. Julie Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, emphasizes the importance of setting clear boundaries in relationships. Often, merging celebrations can lead to misunderstandings and feelings of neglect, especially for those whose birthdays coincide with major holidays like Thanksgiving.

She suggests that couples openly discuss their preferences ahead of time. This proactive communication can prevent future conflicts and ensure both partners feel valued. By acknowledging individual needs and finding a compromise, couples can create celebrations that honor both the holiday and the birthday.

In navigating the complexities of shared celebrations, Dr. Laura Berman, a relationship therapist, notes that transparency and negotiation are key. Couples should openly discuss their feelings about merging significant personal events with communal holidays.

One practical approach is to alternate the focus each year, thereby allowing each partner's special day to take precedence. This compromise can serve to enhance understanding and appreciation in the relationship, ultimately strengthening the bond.

They said Thanksgiving isn't about the OP

Reddit

They should find a way to handle this

Reddit

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the AH:

My birthday is the day after thanksgiving this year but our families will be in town on thanksgiving so my fiancee and I had agreed to celebrate on Thanksgiving since last year we waited until the week following to celebrate. Might make me an AH because her family says the holiday should only be about family.

And the comments roll in...

Reddit

According to a study by Dr. Ian Kerner, a sex therapist, significant life events like birthdays can evoke strong emotions, particularly when paired with holidays. People may feel overlooked if their special day is overshadowed by a communal celebration.

To navigate these feelings, Kerner recommends couples establish a unique tradition for birthdays. This could involve a private celebration, distinct from any holiday festivities, allowing the individual to feel recognized and cherished on their special day.

They should deal with it

Reddit

The traditional Thanksgiving food

Reddit

Celebrate it how you want

Reddit

Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship researcher, points out that managing expectations is crucial when planning joint celebrations. She highlights how expectations can create disappointment, especially when one partner feels their needs aren't met.

Orbuch advises that couples should work together to create a plan that incorporates both partners' desires. Regular check-ins about feelings surrounding shared events can prevent resentment while fostering a deeper connection.

The OP added this in the comments

Traditional foods we're having are: Turkey, ham (for her family), mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, rolls, spinach, deviled eggs, green bean casserole, stuffing and dressing, candied yams, pumpkin pie, pecan pie, and apple pie.What was cut out were sweet potatoes, stuffed mushroom caps, jalapeno poppers, chocolate mousse pie, and peach cobbler.

It's the OP's turn to celebrate

Reddit

There is always a gathering

Reddit

The more standard fare

Reddit

Experts in family dynamics suggest that holiday celebrations often become a battleground for emotional needs and past grievances. Dr. Michael Thompson, a child psychologist, notes that understanding how family traditions affect individual feelings is vital.

He encourages individuals to express their needs genuinely rather than allowing resentment to build. Creating new traditions or adapting old ones to include personal milestones, like birthdays, can reinforce a sense of belonging and personal significance within family gatherings.

It just makes sense to celebrate

Reddit

It's not just about having a birthday party on Thanksgiving, but about feeling heard and understood. OP feels like they're being flexible and compromising, but Tiffany's family is resisting and she is even siding with them.

The compromise that was once agreed upon seems to have fallen apart, and OP is left wondering if he's doing something wrong. Will Tiffany stand by him or continue to side with her family?

The outcome of this dispute may determine the future of their relationship. Let us know your thoughts in the comments section and share as well.

Expert Opinion

This situation highlights a common psychological struggle around identity and belonging. OP feels overshadowed on their birthday, which is likely tied to a deeper need for validation and recognition within their new family dynamic. Tiffany's shift to align with her family's traditions can create a sense of conflict for OP, as it challenges their sense of partnership and understanding, emphasizing the importance of open communication and compromise in relationships.

Understanding the Deeper Patterns

Celebrating significant personal milestones during communal holidays can be tricky, but with effective communication, couples can navigate these challenges successfully. Experts like Dr. Julie Gottman and Dr. Ian Kerner emphasize the importance of establishing boundaries and creating unique traditions that honor individual needs.

By prioritizing open dialogue and mutual understanding, couples can foster an environment where both partners feel valued. Ultimately, a balanced approach allows for both personal celebrations and the joy of shared experiences, enhancing relationship satisfaction.