Thanksgiving Dilemma: AITA for Asking Spouse to Choose Between Family Traditions?
AITA for demanding my spouse choose between Thanksgiving with my family or theirs? Family traditions clash, leading to a difficult ultimatum.
Thanksgiving is supposed to be cozy, but this couple turned it into a full-on tradition standoff. OP is gearing up to host their massive, family-famous feast, complete with turkey, ham, all the fixings, and a homemade apple pie that has been passed down for generations. Meanwhile, their spouse comes from a different background where the holiday is more low-key, centered on immediate family, and built around vegan dishes.
To make it fair, they alternate hosting each year since both families live in different states. But this year, when OP’s turn finally arrives, their spouse drops a bombshell: they want to spend Thanksgiving with their own family instead of OP’s, saying the meat-heavy meal leaves them overwhelmed and they want something more inclusive and plant-based.
Now OP is asking their spouse to choose, and the question is, does that make OP the jerk or is this about respecting a long-standing tradition?
Original Post
I (35M) have been married to my partner (33NB) for five years, and Thanksgiving is always a very intense time for us. We come from very different cultural backgrounds, and since our families live in different states, we alternate hosting Thanksgiving each year.
This year, it's my turn to host. For some quick context, my family has a long-standing tradition of a huge Thanksgiving feast with turkey, ham, all the fixings, and a special homemade apple pie that's been passed down for generations.
On the other hand, my spouse's family has a more low-key celebration with just immediate family and a focus on vegan dishes. This year, my spouse dropped a bombshell on me and said they want to spend Thanksgiving with their family instead of mine, breaking our tradition.
When I pressed for a reason, they mentioned feeling overwhelmed by the meat-heavy dishes at my family's Thanksgiving and wanting a more inclusive, plant-based meal. I was taken aback by this and insisted that they choose between spending Thanksgiving with my family, upholding our tradition, or with their family, breaking tradition.
I feel like they're disrespecting my family's customs and values by wanting to change things up. So AITA?
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If the in-laws are critiquing your cooking nonstop, this OP’s choice to skip hosting Thanksgiving might hit close to home: in-laws’ critiques after the host questions their role.
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OP’s “passed down for generations” apple pie is basically the centerpiece of the whole plan, and their spouse is not buying into it.
When OP hears “overwhelmed by the meat-heavy dishes,” it immediately clashes with the idea that Thanksgiving means sticking to the script.
The real twist is that they already split hosting duties across states, so this isn’t just a one-time preference, it breaks their whole alternating tradition.
By insisting their spouse pick between OP’s family and their own, OP forces the holiday decision into an ultimatum, not a compromise.
What are your thoughts on this situation? Share your perspective in the comments below.
The turkey table is getting dragged into an ultimatum, and nobody’s leaving the kitchen without hard feelings.
Still fighting over Thanksgiving values, see how this OP handled a vegan partner’s pushback. Read it here.
