30 Things Women Wish Their Dads Knew About Girls When They Were Growing Up

It starts with something small, like a dad who never hugs, never says he loves her, and acts like affection is a weakness. Then it snowballs into the kind of everyday stuff that quietly shapes a girl’s confidence, from brushing long hair and tying pony tails to deciding whether she’s allowed to be handy around the house without being treated like she’s only good for cooking and loading a dishwasher.

In one family, the complications get even nastier when a dad turns every boy who shows interest into an enemy. He builds a literal shitlist, and his daughter starts tuning him out. By the time she’s 17, she’s not just ignoring red flags, she’s also missing the one thing she needed most: a real conversation about what a healthy relationship looks like.

Here’s the full story of how love, control, and silence can collide, right at home.

1. It doesn't make you look weak to show affection once in a while

My dad hardly ever hugged us or said he loved us.anon

2. How to put hair in pony tails/brush long hair in general.

Also, to include the daughter in stereotypically-male housework. I can cook and load a dishwasher like my life depends on it, but I can't do any sort of maintenance like putting up a picture frame or unclogging a sink.writingskimmons

3. Treating every boy interested in your daughter as your enemy does both of you a disservice.

My dad was very over-protective. Any time a boy had a crush on me, he would be immediately added to my dad's shitlist. Even if he was perfectly kind and respectful.After a certain point, I just stopped listening to my dad's complaints. In my eyes, he had lost the right to give input about my relationships.Unfortunately, when I was 17 I became entangled in an abusive relationship.My dad hated the guy. But since he also hated every one of my previous suitors, I didn't interpret his concerns as legitimate.On top of that: since he was so busy trying to *prevent* me from having relationships, he never talked to me about what a healthy relationship looks like.angederoses

The insights shared by women about what they wish their fathers knew reflect significant psychological themes in child development. Research indicates that fathers play a crucial role in shaping their daughters' self-esteem and identity. A study from the Journal of Child Psychology shows that positive father-daughter interactions can bolster resilience and self-worth in young girls, impacting their future relationships and self-perception.

Understanding the importance of this role can motivate fathers to engage more actively in their daughters' lives, fostering healthier development.

The father-daughter relationship is a cornerstone in the development of a girl's self-esteem and identity.

4. Believe your daughter about her own lived experiences, even if you didn't witness them yourself.

If your daughter grows up hearing you talking about how your mother and sister were *clearly* overreacting when they said your childhood neighbour was creepy - because, after all, he was always perfectly decent to you - your daughter is not going to go to you when your own neighbour is creepy to her when you're not around.anon

5. This post isn't going to be things I wish he knew, but more things he did that were awesome when I was growing

My dad never hesitated to do "girly" things with me. He was the one who took me school shopping (we would often hit Starbucks and then pick up chocolate covered strawberries afterwards). He would fix my hair for school and paint my nails for me. I remember wanting a head full of tiny braids (this was the 90s) and he spent hours of his Saturday afternoon braiding. We played with Barbies and he actually came up with storylines for them and put effort into it. On the other hand, he also never kept me from doing "tomboy" things. I raised baby calves, helped him wash cars, and worked on the lawnmower.When I was little we had "Daddy-Daughter" dates where we would go to Chuck-E-Cheese or mini-golfing. When I was in middle school and high school we would go to the pool together and lay out and talk. A few years ago we got tickets to see Miley Cyrus' Bangerz tour and got drunk together and had the best time.He was always patient with anything regarding my self-esteem. He helped me lose weight when I was in middle school and waited for hours for me to get ready before we went somewhere, and never, ever commented on anything other than to compliment me.The biggest thing I think that he did (and still does) is to encourage my independence. He helped me through school and constantly reminds me that I am a strong woman and that I don't ever have to get married if I don't want to (my mother used to put a lot of pressure on me to "settle down"). He is my friend along with being my dad. I'm forever thankful for him.I truly am incredibly lucky to have him and I recognize that. I already tell him how much I appreciate him all the time and my first big tattoo was a portrait of us together but I think he will really love seeing this! Also, to all the dads who have commented saying they hope they can be like my dad - if you try to be, you will be! He put effort into our relationship and that's what matters. :)ecarg92

6. That girls are not delicate little creatures who can't do anything.

I always wanted to be an auto mechanic and help work on cars and he'd never let me. He told me girls can't do "man jobs" because they cause drama on the jobsites when all the guys are worried about sleeping with them. Now I am always having car trouble and have to pay out the a*s to get a mechanic to fix simple things because he wouldn't just show me how to fix it.Edited to add that I grew up before the internet. YouTube IS awesome now but there's something really intimidating for me about even trying now just because of the attitude I faced being a girl in my house.Number175OnEarlsList

When he refuses hugs and “I love you” moments, it sets the tone for everything she learns to expect from him, including the way she has to earn basic care.

Moreover, the emotional connection between fathers and daughters can significantly influence their ability to navigate social relationships. Studies have highlighted that girls with supportive fathers tend to have stronger social skills and better emotional regulation.

Encouraging fathers to be more aware of their impact can lead to more intentional parenting practices that promote healthy emotional development.

However, when fathers lack understanding or fail to meet their daughters' emotional needs, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy.

This highlights the importance of fathers being attuned to their daughters' experiences and emotions.

7. I am 100% capable of forming and voicing my own opinion.

plopo

8. Our standards of how we expect to be treated by men come from how you treat our mothers.

Show her kindness, we will expect kindness. Treat her like s**t and we assume being treated like s**t is normal.ratchnad

9. Unwanted sexual attention from grown men doesn't always come from strangers. It comes from "family friends" too.

Pay attention to your friends' behaviors and comments around your kids.My dad cut off a longtime friend after catching him leering at me in a bathing suit at a pool party when I was only 12.maryjanesandbobbysox

Building Stronger Father-Daughter Bonds

To enhance father-daughter relationships, open communication and active engagement are vital. Research in developmental psychology suggests that fathers who actively participate in their daughters' lives promote greater emotional security and trust. Strategies such as spending quality time together and openly discussing feelings can strengthen these bonds significantly.

Additionally, incorporating activities that align with the daughter's interests can create enriching experiences that foster connection and understanding. This tailored approach not only builds a rapport but also reinforces the father’s role in supporting his daughter's development.

During the formative years of adolescence, girls are especially receptive to their fathers' feedback, making it a crucial time for shaping their self-image. The article highlights the importance of open communication, suggesting that when fathers engage in sincere conversations with their daughters, it fosters a deeper emotional connection. This approach not only enhances emotional intelligence but also fortifies the vital father-daughter bond. By understanding and embracing this dynamic, fathers can play an instrumental role in their daughters' development and self-esteem, ultimately influencing how they navigate relationships and challenges in the future.

10. Put your children first before your new spouse

Your children are always more important than your second or third wife.

karonhiakatste

11. The things you say and the way you treat her can leave a lasting impression on your daughter.

I was a latchkey kid in an Asian household filled with cheap convenience foods (3 for $1 hotdog baos, Chinese crackers, etc) and lack of income for things to do outside of watching TV at home. So, I grew up overweight and uninformed about healthy lifestyle habits.Since tween-hood, my dad was constantly on me about my body and bluntly laid it out that I would never find a boyfriend. If he saw me in a t-shirt or shorts, he’d comment on how big my arms/thighs looked. I’m now in my late 20s and still refuse to wear tanks/short sleeves/skirts/dresses/shorts because of that idea that has been ingrained in my thought process. The link between being fat and being single still has a huge presence in my mind.My dad passed away last year from his own struggles with his health (cancer, diabetes, hypertension). Since then, I’ve made my own lifestyle changes and went to therapy. I am about halfway to my weight end goal and I’ve discovered a love for hiking, spin classes, and yoga. But trying to build up self esteem through reframing of things and positive self-talk has been the hardest struggle of all.none4gretchen

12. If your daughter wants to take pictures of you, or especially with you, let them.

My dad died when I was 13 years old and then I realized that all of his hiding from the camera meant I was left with only a handful of photos and he wasn't in any of our home videos. You don't realize how important they can be until you aren't able to make new onesMitziMay

The same dad who can’t be bothered to teach pony tails still expects her to do housework like loading the dishwasher, but draws the line at anything that looks like maintenance.

Furthermore, addressing common misconceptions about masculinity can empower fathers to express vulnerability and emotional support.

It also echoes the OP who refused to attend her dad’s birthday party after her partner was insulted.

Moreover, studies show that when fathers actively participate in their daughters' lives, it positively influences their daughters' mental health outcomes.

This underscores the importance of active engagement and emotional support in father-daughter relationships.

13. Don't make your daughter feel bad for going through puberty.

My dad made me feel so humiliated when I first started my periods and also made me feel like young going through puberty, growing breasts and having hair down there was something that should only be for adults and somehow I was growing up way before I should have.CaptnBoots

14. If you want someone to respect you, you have to go first.

My folks (especially my dad) would patiently explain how my feelings and desires were silly, because they didn't share them: but expect me to prioritize their feelings and desires even though I didn't share them. If you want her to be polite to your boring friends, be polite to hers. If you don't want her wearing a lip ring to the company picnic, don't wear socks with Crocs when you pick her up at school. If you're poor and she has to wear hand-me-down clothes, dress yourself out of the thrift shop.scubasue

15. Don't just assume your daughter won't be interested in your activities because they aren't stereotypically girly or because once as a small child, she didn't want to do it.

Not wanting, say, go hiking or fishing when I was 5 years old doesn't mean I never ever want to do it. Keep trying to get your kids involved in your life and don't just give up. You're teaching them not to share things about themselves and losing the chance to bond over something you love.allthebacon_and_eggs

Strategies for Improved Communication

To foster a better understanding between fathers and daughters, open communication is vital.

By demonstrating understanding and empathy, fathers can create a safe space for their daughters to express themselves freely.

16. Every dad should take note of these 5 things

anon

17. Not every instance of anger or sadness on my part was because "it must be that time of the month."

My dad is a great guy all around, but used to bring that up (even jokingly) waaaay too often.totally_italian

18. When you do something wrong, apologize.

Don't just try to ignore what we just fought about and try to be our friend 15 minutes later. When you try to ignore our problem, it hurts us. It makes us angry. We won't want to be friends.My friends and I have almost all had this issue with our dads. The worst thing, though, is when you try to have someone else apologize fix things for you. My dad has asked me to be this middleman for my younger sister, my friend has been asked by her dad, and some others have mentioned their dad sending in their mom. It doesn't make things better, and a lot of the time, makes that middleman lose respect for you.Respect us as people and apologize to us.ScaryLittleLamb

Then the real mess begins, when every boy who likes her gets added to his shitlist, even the respectful ones, and she stops listening to his complaints.

Additionally, spending quality time together can enhance the father-daughter relationship.

Studies show that shared activities, such as hobbies or outings, can strengthen bonds and create lasting memories.

By prioritizing time together, fathers can demonstrate their commitment to understanding and supporting their daughters.

19. When your daughter is going through puberty and starts getting her period, *don't* write off the things she's going through.

There's all sorts of new hormones swirling around in there, and they're gonna affect her mood. She's getting periods, they're probably gonna hurt. Being in pain makes you grumpy, but don't write off every instance of anger or bad temper as being 'because you're on your period'. Maybe her mom doesn't get bad ones, maybe you've never thought about it because your wife is a grown woman who has learned to deal with her periods and the assorted mood swings and pains and moved on; your daughter hasn't yet. Be a little more thoughtful, help teach her ways to manage what she's feeling.If she's in a lot of pain, and it doesn't change after a while, take her to a doctor. Maybe nothing's wrong and she got s**t luck, but she could have endometriosis or cystic ovaries. Stick up for her at the doctor - lots of women have trouble finding doctors who will listen to them about their pain, and it's very hard to advocate for yourself when you're only 14 and throwing up from pain.writemynamewithstars

20. I wished he knew girls could like girls and it was ok.

That would have made my coming out story less dramatic.rainyhands94

21. That if you say your eight year old is “too chubby” to wear something that is going to stick in her brain forever.

Choose your words wisely and realize that not only the super skinny child had worth.SoVeryTired81

Developing emotional intelligence is crucial for fathers to connect with their daughters effectively.

22. It is best to have a personal bond with your daughter, a hobby or activity that’s the two of you -no matter how small,

When our outdoor cats would get ticks I quickly alerted my father and we removed them. For him a chore and for me the one thing that was *us doing something together*.beroemd

23. That we can be very sensitive about our bodies/looks once we become aware of them.

KellyDoesHerThing

24. The way you treat and talk about women affects me.

DigYourBone

That’s when she gets pulled into an abusive relationship at 17, because his constant “protecting” left no room for her to learn what healthy actually looks like.

In summary, the father-daughter relationship is a vital component of a girl's development and self-esteem.

25. Masculinity does not equal strength and maturity, and femininity does not equal weakness and gullibility

Disclaimer: I love my dad, we have a great relationship, he has always believed in my abilities at the end of the day.That when you let your 10 year old son have more freedom to ride bikes far from home, go to the store alone, and take risks than your 13 year old daughter for no other reason than her gender, she's going to be PISSED and spend the next 10 years rejecting all things feminine because you have convinced her that to be female means to be weak and vulnerable. Masculinity does not equal strength and maturity, and femininity does not equal weakness and gullibility. It took a long time, but he recognizes that now.blindtoblue

26. I'd rather have had a dad who was *there*, than a dad who was successful and a workaholic.

When your dad is gone, you remember the silly little things: the bedtime stories he told you, playing with you on the beach, having ice cream together.Be a father who is present in your daughter's life. Play with her when she's small. Tell her stories. When she's older, listen to her. Take an interest in her interests even if they sound silly. Take an interest in her life in general.That's all anyone can ask.Kay_Elle

27. That telling me "it's just in your head" anytime I felt *anything* other than happy as a clam, would make me grow up with anxiety and trust issues

Just a side note to all you guys out there who have a problem with this- girls are allowed to feel anyway they want at any particular time, just like you. We do not exist to be your personal rays of sunshine. We are human too.MotherOfKrakens95

28. That we take everything he says to heart and he has to be kind.

His words can leave deep wounds that stay with her for a lifetime.EnzoEllo

29. I wish he understood that depression is an illness.

He spent years angry with me and thinking I was just spoiled. It wasn't til I was in college that he realized I wasn't just a drama queen, I was actually sick and needed medication. That realization has done wonders for our relationship.queensnow725

30. Now that I’m an adult I realize just how wonderful my father really is.

He taught us children the hard life lessons while still protecting us. He taught us to be self sufficient and independent. He taught us to work hard and don’t give up just because things get challenging. He busted his a*s to make sure we got to go on vacation and experience life. He taught me to hunt, fish, and fix a car. He also taught me to garden and grow my own vegetables. How to take care of livestock and other animals with compassion.However, he also treated me more like a son than a daughter. I only wish that my father would’ve acknowledged that I’m a girl and it’s okay for me to like dressing up and that it’s okay to “throw like a girl”. Granted, I got a full ride to college for sports and that’s partly because I had to hang with the boys and my dad didn’t want me to be a great female player but just a great player in general. I think he messed me up only in the sense that it’s extremely difficult for me to date. I’m either too intimidating to strangers or “one of the boys” to people I know. I think I lost my feminine side because I am so close to my dad and he was slightly dismissive of my emotional side. I had to be tough and stoic.I suppose I shouldn’t complain; I just feel like if my dad were less of a hard a*s and treated me more like a daughter than a son I would fit in more. Maybe be able to get a date instead of always just being a “bro”. That being said I am thankful for the life skills he provided and the protective eye he still has watching over his baby girl. [26yo F]Edit: news update; got a lot of confidence from all the positivity and now I’ve got a date coming up with a guy who doesn’t know me or my “bros” and I get to make an actual first impression without being seen as one of the boys beforehand. Wish me luck! He seems kind and intelligent; I’m really excited to see what happens! Even if it’s a flop it’s a good step out of my passive ways!SweetGD007

From this thread, it’s evident how vital father/daughter relationships are. Thankfully, some women here had nothing but praise for their fathers.

Fortunately for other fathers or men who one day hope to be fathers, they have a blueprint right here

Do you have anything you wish your dad had known about you while you were growing up? Don’t hesitate to share it with us in the comments below!

The article highlights the pivotal role fathers have in shaping their daughters' self-esteem and emotional health.

The reflections from women about their fathers underscore the profound influence fathers have on their daughters' emotional and social development. The article illustrates that open communication and active engagement are essential in shaping a daughter’s self-esteem and relational skills. This guidance can leave a lasting imprint that resonates throughout their lives.

The dad’s mission to prevent heartbreak ends up creating the exact silence that lets it in.

For fallout fears after confronting a controlling dad, read whether OP should challenge her strict father after her sister’s secret comes out.