40 Examples Of Toxic Positivity, As Called Out By Women In This Online Group

It's common for people to react in certain ways when someone tells them something negative or shares bad thoughts they might have. Typically, people will try to cheer them up.

A lot of people decide to do this by telling the person that everything will be okay and will work out in the end, and that there could be worse things happening. This isn't usually done with ill intent because many people feel that saying these things will help improve the situation.

However, this definitely forces some sort of positivity on the person who isn't quite ready to see that side yet. Additionally, it makes their situation seem less important or worse off if you say, "it could be worse" or "worse things could be happening."

This is a common case of dismissing the person's negative feelings and trying to force a positive outlook when that person hasn't had time to process the negativity yet. Although this might seem like a proper response to someone in need of cheering up, you might think twice before saying some of these things after reading this post.

We are going to go through forty different examples of toxic positivity.

1.

"It all made you stronger."

This makes me feel terrible because it didn't make me stronger; the things that happened to me actually destroyed me.

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2.

My grandma told me that I have to put up with nasty family members "because they're family."

If someone is bad or causing negativity in my life, then I am not going to let them just because they're family.

Bev Sykes

3.

"You don't need medication for depression or anxiety. You just need to go outside and smile more!"

Yeah, okay... because the sun will fix my actual mental health issues.

Jonathan Rolande

4.

When my husband passed away unexpectedly at age 50, more than one person said to me, "My divorce was like a death too."

Nope... not really the same thing.

Gisela Giardino

5.

When my dad passed away, a lot of people told me that "he's in a better place."

It's a common saying, but what if you're not religious? We aren't, and quite frankly, we want him HERE.

Jerzy Kociatkiewicz

6.

"You'll change your mind." This is what they say when I tell them that I don't want kids.

This is the toxic mentality that women have to be mothers. I knew when I was young that I didn't want kids.

Many years later, and I still don't want them; I don't think that will change anytime soon.

Sunny Ripert

7.

"Everything happens for a reason" or "God will never give you more than you can handle."

Yes, everything may happen for a reason, but this will not make me feel any better about this situation.

Gareth Williams

8.

"Just don't think about it."

Sure, yeah, my problems will just go away if I just don't think about them. My problem is physical, so I don't think it's just going to disappear if I don't think about it.

Gareth Williams

9.

Everything about using the power of prayer and positive thinking to attract positive things into your life. Something about manifestation.

This is very much a victim-blaming mindset and phrasing because it essentially blames you for attracting negative energy and things into your life.

Chris Hunkeler

10.

"You have it much better than other people."

Yes, that may be true, but don't invalidate my feelings.

vanguardist

11.

"You think that's bad? Wait until you hear what happened to me - it's worse."

Susanne Nilsson

12.

I lost my first pregnancy earlier this year. It sucked, and I fell into a depression.

A close family member kept trying to make me see the "positive side of it." It's been a while, but I see no positive side to losing my child even to this day.

Ernest James

13.

"At least he doesn't hit you!"

Wow, so I'm supposed to put up with all the BS because he doesn't hit me?

Ricardo Liberato

14.

"You can't have kids? Take mine for a day, and you'll be happy you don't have one of your own."

Yes, because you being this type of parent makes me feel better about being infertile.

lecates

15.

In group therapy, someone said that they're proud they've never been depressed, no matter what life threw at them, with a person with depression sitting right next to them.

Very inconsiderate to say something like this in a room full of people who are currently in therapy with problems that may involve depression. You don't know.

JourneyPure Rehab

16.

"Pain is all in your head."

I'm sorry... what?

Andy

17.

"There's someone for everyone. You just need to believe, and you will find love."

No, there isn't, and no, love isn't guaranteed.

Kevin Simpson

18.

Someone told me I was "polluting their space with my sadness." I asked what they meant, and they said they could feel a "deep sadness" in me, and my presence was harmful.

Like... what?

Gareth Williams

19.

"You're really pretty for a chubby girl." Yeah, thanks.

Susanne Nilsson

20.

"I just strive to be an honest person. I'm sorry if I hurt you."

Yeah, okay.

Ben Stephenson

21.

"Why can't you just be happy?"

I don't know, Karen, why can't I?

Melinda

22.

"Family is meant to hurt and forgive."

No, it's actually not.

Tamas Ring

23.

"Happiness is a choice."

Is it, though?

Marina

24.

"Life will be easier if you just accept that you'll be doing most of the housework." This was my ex-boyfriend's mom in response to a conversation about my ex-boyfriend not doing house chores.

Daniel M Hendricks

Something along the lines of, "You have as many hours in the day as Beyoncé." I just can’t even begin to express how much I hate everything about that.

25.

"If I can do it, you can do it."

bloomsberries

26.

"Having expectations in relationships only leads to disappointment." So I'm just supposed to put up with however THEY want to treat me?

Britney M

27.

"You're not like the other girls."

Funk Dooby

28.

"You either trust me, or you don't. Trust doesn't get built."

Actually... it does.

kindonnelly

A YouTube video opened my eyes to how body positivity can be toxic. I've realized I'm just body-neutral.

I don't think my body is beautiful, and I don't have to! I'm more than my body, and I'm at peace with it, even if I wish some things were different.

They don't affect my self-esteem.

"Well, everyone has a little bit of depression here and there." Okay, and that's supposed to make me feel better or something?

29.

"You are only hurting yourself when you are crying; look, I'm unaffected."

Aubrey Arcangel

"Don't waste your time worrying about it." Sorry, but I can't help it.

30.

"It's not your situation. It's about how you react to it."

I'm sorry, but how am I supposed to react to sexual assault in the workplace?

Aaron Stidwell

31.

"Fake it 'til you make it."

Ugh, the worst.

Shannon

32.

"Just keep eating. Don't worry about how much. Eat until you're happy." No, thanks.

Mixing food and emotions can lead to a lot more issues than just being unhappy.

Eric.Ray

33.

"Lean in more." This was told to me by the HR team when I asked for a meeting about sexism in the office.

Alan Cleaver

34.

"The act of smiling makes you feel better, so even if you're feeling really bad, you can start smiling, and eventually your feelings will catch up."

Katy Warner

When I vent about a certain aspect of my job to a friend/colleague: "But it won't be any different in a different field."

Well, thank you; that is very relevant.

35.

"It's not you, it's me." The classic.

Georgie Pauwels

We've pretty much all heard some of these phrases, and some of us may have said them. There isn't always ill intent when saying something like these phrases.

Safe to say that a lot of us will start thinking twice when responding to someone who's venting to us or explaining a difficult situation.

Let us know in the comments below if you've ever had an experience with toxic positivity before.