Newlywed Wants His College Student Son to Babysit His Twin Sons for Free So He Can Go on a Three-Week Honeymoon

Caring for someone else's kids for three weeks is a full-time job, not a favor. A 43-year-old father should know better than to expect his 22-year-old son to babysit his twin sons for free.

The OP and his dad have rebuilt their relationship over the years. His parents divorced when his dad had an affair and got his mistress pregnant.

His affair partner eventually left OP's dad and their twin sons, who are now five years old. He has been a single parent, as his sons' mother behaves more like a relative than a parent.

OP's parents handled their divorce civilly and rebuilt their friendship over the years for OP's sake. His mom even babysits the twins once in a while.

She allows the twins to call her mom, even though they know she isn't their mother. Their blended modern family grew recently as OP's dad married his boyfriend, Dan.

The whole family attended the wedding, including OP's mom and the twins. The newlyweds are now gearing up for their three-week honeymoon.

Dan initially wanted to bring the twins on their trip, while OP's dad preferred to spend their honeymoon alone. After stating that they had their whole lives to be with their children, he finally convinced Dan to leave the twins for a while.

They asked OP's mom to be the twins' babysitter during their honeymoon, but she declined.

u/SnowNo3724

The next person they asked was OP. Watching the twins wasn't new to OP, but he had only taken care of them for a few hours previously.

u/SnowNo3724

Three weeks is a long time, so OP asked his dad to pay him if he wants him to babysit two five-year-old boys.

u/SnowNo3724

Understanding Family Expectations

The expectation for adult children to contribute to family responsibilities can create tension, especially when it feels like an obligation rather than a choice.

Dr. Melanie Smith, a clinical psychologist, notes that such dynamics often stem from cultural norms that dictate familial roles and contributions.

When these expectations are not met, it can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration on both sides.

His dad got mad and said that OP was asking for too much. After all, the twins are his siblings, and he badly needs OP to do this as a favor. Should OP grant his dad this favor?

u/SnowNo3724

Shouldn't the babysitting fees be counted as part of the twins' expenses?

NUT-me-SHELL, SnowNo3724

If OP has a job, taking care of two kids will consume a lot of his time and concentration.

asecretnarwhal

Research from Dr. William Doherty, family therapist, emphasizes the impact of generational expectations on familial relationships. He states, "When adult children feel obligated to take on roles that conflict with their personal goals, it can create a rift that leads to emotional distress." Understanding these dynamics is crucial for both parents and children as they navigate their relationships. As Dr. Doherty suggests, "Open communication about expectations can help alleviate the pressure and foster healthier family interactions."

If OP is on a break from school, does he even have an apartment for the kids to stay in, or will he temporarily move into his dad's house to make the twins more comfortable?

Reddit

OP does have a job and basically lives alone. How is he expected to juggle his job and babysit two five-year-olds?

SnowNo3724

OP's dad didn't plan this honeymoon properly. He overestimated how much he can ask from OP or OP's mom.

cara1888

When Favor Becomes Obligation

It's crucial to distinguish between favors and obligations in family dynamics.

Setting clear boundaries about what constitutes a favor can help prevent feelings of exploitation or resentment.

Family members should engage in open dialogues about expectations regarding assistance, ensuring that contributions are voluntary and not coerced.

Working from home is still work. It doesn't mean OP is free to essentially parent two children and keep them entertained.

SnowNo3724

OP really should say no. Even with pay, taking care of two kids is a lot of work.

Crankybum1961, SnowNo3724

OP's dad needs to postpone the three-week honeymoon of his dreams. Parents deserve a break, but three weeks without a plan in place for their children's care is irresponsible.

throwmeawaypoopy

Encouraging adult children to express their feelings about family responsibilities can foster healthier interactions.

Regular family meetings can provide a platform for discussing these expectations, helping to clarify roles and responsibilities.

Moreover, practicing gratitude and appreciation for each other's contributions can strengthen familial bonds.

I don't think OP's dad is going to like those figures.

Peachbowtie

The kids are bound to notice their parent's absence for three weeks. If OP agrees, he will spend most of his time consoling his brothers, who are too young to fully understand why their father left them.

mkaybabesyoudoyou

A week-long honeymoon seems more plausible and practical if OP's dad really wants to be alone with his husband.

Jallenrix

Balancing Independence and Responsibility

Supporting adult children's independence while maintaining family ties is a delicate balance.

Parents should recognize that their children's aspirations may not always align with their expectations, and that's okay.

Encouraging individual pursuits can lead to more fulfilling relationships over time.

Or he can stick to their original plan and bring the twins with them. It doesn't seem like there is enough incentive to convince OP to do this as a favor to his dad.

He shouldn't be made to feel guilty for wanting compensation. Taking care of young kids for three whole weeks is a lot, and OP will need his own vacation after it if he agrees.

Consulting a family therapist can be a proactive step when navigating these challenges.

These professionals can provide guidance on effective communication strategies and help mediate discussions around responsibilities that respect both parties' needs and boundaries.

Ultimately, fostering mutual respect and understanding can lead to healthier family dynamics.

Psychological Analysis

This situation illustrates the common struggle between fulfilling familial obligations and pursuing personal independence.

It's essential for both parents and adult children to engage in open conversations about expectations to prevent feelings of resentment from taking root.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Understanding the complexities of familial expectations is crucial for nurturing healthy relationships.

Research in family psychology emphasizes the importance of clear communication and empathy in addressing these dynamics.

With a commitment to open dialogue, families can find a balance that honors individual aspirations while maintaining supportive connections.