Man In Depression After Losing His Mom, Wife "Offers Support" By Saying He Needs To Man Up

The vows spoken during marriage are more than just recited words. They signify a commitment to a lasting partnership built on trust, understanding, and unwavering support.

The vows express a profound pledge to stand by each other's side, come what may, and weather the storms of life as a united force. They are a declaration of love and loyalty, a binding agreement to support one another's dreams and aspirations.

You'd think that with all those promises, everyone would be on the same page. Unfortunately, the harsh truth is that not everyone stays true to those heartfelt vows.

It's disappointing when you realize that the unwavering support you promised to give and hoped to receive isn't always a two-way street. It's tough when one person is all in, ready to back up their partner, while the other seems to have forgotten the "unwavering support" clause.

Over at the "Am I The A**hole?" (AITA) subreddit, a woman was criticized by the community for being such an unsupportive wife. According to the original poster (OP), her husband recently lost his mom, and he's been struggling with stress eating and battling what seems like an existential crisis.

The OP couldn't take the situation anymore when she came home to find him indulging in a large bag of Taco Bell. Worried about his well-being, she confronted him, expressing concern about his unhealthy coping mechanisms and the noticeable weight gain.

While her intentions were rooted in genuine concern, the delivery may have been too harsh. The husband retreated to the guest room, and since then, communication between them has been strained. The OP acknowledges being worried about his six-month downward spiral but wonders if her approach was the right one.

OP treated her husband harshly while he's going through depression.

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The OP shared that her mother-in-law (MIL) recently passed away, leaving her husband deeply saddened by the loss.

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Instead of expressing concern, the OP harshly told her husband to get a hold of himself.

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The Psychology of Grief and Masculinity

Grief is a complex emotional experience that can be particularly challenging for men due to societal expectations surrounding masculinity. Research shows that traditional masculine norms often discourage emotional expression, leading to unhealthy coping mechanisms during times of loss. Dr. Adam Grant, an organizational psychologist, emphasizes that "men are often taught to be stoic, which can lead to isolation during grief." He further notes that "expressing emotions is a crucial part of healing." For more insights, you can visit his professional website at adamgrant.net.

The OP wonders if she's the a-hole for saying something harsh to her husband.

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Redditors pointed out that the way she worded it was like "someone who has no business being married."

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It seems the OP forgot how to be a loving wife.

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The concept of 'man up' reflects a societal pressure that can prevent men from seeking help during emotional crises. Research indicates that this pressure can lead to increased emotional distress and hinder healthy coping strategies.

Encouraging men to express their grief openly and seek support can be crucial in facilitating healing and emotional adjustment.

Instead of criticizing her husband, she should express her concern over what he has been doing for the past months.

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It's time for the OP to discuss getting her husband into therapy.

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It's not easy to move on from a lost loved one.

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The Importance of Emotional Support Systems

Building a strong emotional support system is vital for anyone experiencing grief. Research shows that social support can significantly buffer against the negative effects of bereavement, promoting resilience and recovery.

Dr. George Bonanno’s work in the field of grief psychology emphasizes that having trusted individuals to turn to during difficult times can provide the necessary comfort and validation.

The OP should be more caring now that her husband's mother is gone.

There's no one else he can turn to other than his wife. Unfortunately, the OP is acting like this.

It's as if he has no one left.

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Approaching the situation with empathy is key, especially considering her role as the wife. Rather than offering criticism without care, expressing genuine concern and unwavering support is what the OP should have done.

The OP can still correct her actions. But this time, she should lovingly open up about getting therapy.

In this case, the man's wife’s suggestion to 'man up' may inadvertently dismiss his grief and emotional experience. Studies indicate that invalidating emotions can lead to feelings of shame and isolation, making it harder for individuals to process their grief healthily.

It's essential to create a safe space for emotional expression, particularly for men who may already feel societal pressure to conform to stoic ideals.

Psychological Analysis

This situation exemplifies the challenges men face in expressing grief due to societal pressures. The 'man up' mentality can hinder emotional processing and lead to isolation.

Encouraging open conversations about grief and validating feelings can significantly improve emotional outcomes for those navigating loss.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, understanding the psychological dynamics of grief is essential for providing appropriate support to those in mourning. Societal expectations surrounding masculinity can complicate emotional expression, making it crucial to create environments where vulnerability is accepted.

Encouraging open dialogue about grief and fostering strong support systems can facilitate healing and resilience during difficult times.