50 Eye-Rolling Moments That Perfectly Capture Weaponized Incompetence

Moving in together is a big step in a relationship. It’s a sign that things are getting serious, and it often means more time spent together and splitting expenses like rent. However, sometimes living together can reveal unexpected challenges, especially when one partner starts acting like they don’t know how to handle basic tasks.

People call this “weaponized incompetence,” and it’s more common than you might think. It’s when one person pretends not to know how to do simple things—like doing the laundry, cleaning, or even putting their dishes away—so the other partner does it.

At first, it might seem like a harmless mistake, but over time, it can feel like a way to avoid responsibility. The person who ends up doing all the work can feel overwhelmed and frustrated, especially when the partner doesn’t seem to make an effort to pitch in.

This kind of behavior can strain a relationship. It can lead to resentment and make the person picking up the slack feel unappreciated.

The key to solving this problem is good communication. Both partners must be clear about what they expect from each other and be willing to share responsibilities. Relationships work best when people pull their weight and treat each other as equals.

If you’re in a relationship where one person always needs help with the basics, addressing this before it leads to more significant issues is essential. Open conversations about fairness and shared duties can help create a more balanced and happy home life for both partners.

We’ve gathered some of the most outrageous examples of weaponized incompetence shared by women around the world. Get ready to roll your eyes and laugh.

"When ‘I don’t know how to do it’ becomes a strategy...

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"Boyfriend Put His Drink On My Brand New Notebook, Yesterday"

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"This Is How My Boyfriend Leaves The Sink After He Shaves"

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Understanding Weaponized Incompetence

Weaponized incompetence often manifests in relationships when one partner deliberately underperforms in tasks to avoid responsibility. This behavior can stem from various psychological factors, including learned helplessness or avoidance strategies. Dr. Esther Perel, a renowned relationship expert, explains that this dynamic can create resentment and imbalance in partnerships. She emphasizes the importance of open communication and establishing clear expectations to counteract this tendency.

When partners openly discuss their feelings about household responsibilities, it fosters accountability and mutual respect.

"Just Done My Business. *Someone* Left This. And Yes, I’m Using This Sub Of 4 Million Users To Personally Call Out My Boyfriend"

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"Sister's Boyfriend Lost His Wallet Before Leaving To Go To His Mom's"

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"My Boyfriend Lovingly Insists On Cooking Dinner On Mondays, But Ends Up Leaving All Of His Dishes And Mess Behind Because He Has To Leave For His Weekly Chess Meet Up"

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Many psychologists recognize that weaponized incompetence can lead to significant relationship strain. Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher in marital stability, emphasizes that couples often fall into these patterns unknowingly. In his studies, he found that clear communication about roles and responsibilities can mitigate misunderstandings.

He suggests that couples engage in regular check-ins to discuss household duties, allowing each partner to voice concerns and preferences. This approach not only prevents feelings of frustration but also strengthens the emotional bond.

"My Boyfriend Puts The Butter Away Like This In The Fridge Door. Fully Exposed And Touching The Fridge I Haven’t Washed In Months"

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"Called My Boyfriend From The Supermarket To Check If I Needed To Grab More Pads, He Said ‘No There’s Loads Left’"

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"This Can Has Been Directly In Front Of My Boyfriend's Sink Side For Two Weeks And I've Chosen Not To Toss It Just To See If He Would. He Still Hasn't"

Impact on Mental Health

Weaponized incompetence can have detrimental effects on mental health, often leading to frustration and burnout. Therapists note that one partner's inability to contribute may cause the other to feel overwhelmed, resulting in stress and anxiety. Brené Brown, a researcher on vulnerability and shame, highlights how such dynamics can erode trust in relationships.

To counteract this, she recommends that individuals cultivate self-compassion and assertiveness. By expressing needs clearly and setting boundaries, partners can create healthier dynamics that benefit both parties.

"Went To Get Some Ice Cream And My Boyfriend Left Me This. In Case I “Needed A Pick Me Up But Didn’t Want A Bunch Of Ice Cream.”"

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"Boyfriend Leaves All His Trash In The Car"

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"My Boyfriend, Who Doesn’t Buy Any Of The Groceries, Decided To Use Multiple Pounds Of Chicken In A Cooler Instead Of The Bag Of Ice We Have"

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The concept of weaponized incompetence isn't just a relational issue; it can also reflect societal norms regarding gender roles. A study by sociologists shows that men are often socialized to avoid domestic responsibilities, leading to a cycle of incompetence. Jean Chatzky highlights that financial independence is often tied to the ability to manage household tasks effectively.

She encourages individuals, regardless of gender, to take ownership of their roles within the home. This can empower both partners and create a more equitable living situation.

"Boyfriend Leaves His Used Dental Floss On The Side Table By The Couch"

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"Instead Of Rinsing His Cup Between Drinks, My Boyfriend Will Just Refill It With Whatever Since It “Mixes In His Stomach Anyway.” Pictured Is His Glass Of “Water” After Milk And Oreos"

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"My Boyfriend’s Solution To Me Being Mad That He Finishes Everything In The House Without Buying A Replacement"

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Practical Solutions

To address weaponized incompetence effectively, experts recommend implementing structured systems for managing household responsibilities. Dr. David Allen, a productivity expert, suggests using task lists and shared calendars to clarify each person's duties. His methodology of breaking tasks into actionable steps can help partners see their shared goals more clearly.

By setting specific deadlines and checking in regularly, couples can enhance accountability and reduce misunderstandings.

"Boyfriend Keeps A Graveyard Of Shower Gel With One Half-Squirt Left "

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"Safari On My Boyfriend’s Phone"

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"When My Boyfriend Leaves Empty Packages In The Fridge"

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Many relationship experts emphasize that understanding the root causes of weaponized incompetence is vital for resolution. Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a clinical psychologist, notes that couples often resort to these behaviors unconsciously. She suggests that partners engage in reflective conversations to uncover their motivations behind this behavior.

This exploration can lead to deeper insights and foster empathy, ultimately paving the way for healthier interactions in the relationship.

"My Boyfriend 'Taste Tests' All The Chocolates One By One Whenever I Buy Us A Box Of Chocolates To Share"

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"Stayed The Night At My Boyfriend’s, Didn’t Bring Breakfast Because He Said I Can Cook There. Morning Comes, He Proceeds To Pull Out These Two Things. Out Of The Dishwasher No Less"

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"Why Is My Boyfriend Doing This? ) ‘:"

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Navigating the Challenges

While weaponized incompetence can create friction, it's essential to approach it with compassion. Relationship coaches recommend discussing feelings rather than assigning blame. Dr. Ian Kerner, a sex therapist, often advises couples to express their experiences using 'I' statements.

This method reduces defensiveness and opens the door for constructive dialogue. For example, saying 'I feel overwhelmed when tasks are left undone' can prompt a more fruitful discussion about shared responsibilities.

"My Boyfriend's Job Title Is Actually 'Solutions Engineer.' This Was His Solution"

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"How My Boyfriend Leaves His Coffee Cup Every Morning"

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"My Boyfriend: *Does The Dishes* The Sink:"

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Communication is key in overcoming weaponized incompetence. A relationship expert suggests that couples create a 'chores contract' to outline expectations around household tasks. Dr. Gary Chapman emphasizes that knowing each other's love languages can also enhance communication about responsibilities.

When partners understand how to express appreciation and support, they are more likely to collaborate effectively on household duties, reducing the likelihood of incompetence being weaponized.

"The Amount Of Tea My Boyfriend Left In The Pitcher"

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"According To My Boyfriend, His Toothbrush Does Not Need To Be Changed"

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"This Is How Much Ice Cream My Boyfriend Left In My Pint Of Ben & Jerry's 😐"

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The Importance of Accountability

Accountability plays a significant role in combating weaponized incompetence. Experts argue that having regular discussions about shared responsibilities can reduce misunderstandings. Cal Newport emphasizes the value of creating a culture of accountability within partnerships.

Setting aside time weekly for these discussions can allow both partners to share their feelings and reassess their contributions, fostering a sense of teamwork and mutual respect.

"The Way My Boyfriend Is Eating This Pie"

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"My Boyfriend's Gaming Set Up"

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"Are These Really Still OK? My Boyfriend Thinks That These Shoes Are Fine. Wears Them To Work, Around Town. '50% Of People Wear Their Shoes To This Point'"

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Research shows that weaponized incompetence can stem from a lack of shared values or goals in a relationship. Dr. Tony Wagner, an education expert, suggests that couples should explore their individual values and how they align.

This alignment can help partners understand each other's perspectives and responsibilities, ultimately reducing the chances of weaponized incompetence derailing their relationship.

"My Boyfriend's Food Cupboard 😳 I Think He Must Upend His Shopping Bags Directly Into The Cupboard Rather Than Unpack"

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"My Boyfriend Insists On Storing Leftovers In Ziplock Bags Even Though We Have Plenty Of Tupperware. His Reasoning Is It 'Saves A Dish,' Even Though They Have To Be Transferred To A Dish Later Anyway. In Reality, He Just Makes A Huge Mess And Wastes A Bag"

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"Came Home To A Smoky Apartment And A Boyfriend Asleep On The Couch. Not Even Sure What These Were"

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Cultural Influences

Weaponized incompetence is often influenced by cultural norms surrounding gender roles and responsibilities. A sociologist notes that societal expectations can create pressures that lead to imbalances in household duties. Sir Ken Robinson points out that challenging these cultural narratives is crucial for fostering equality in partnerships.

By redefining roles and encouraging open discussions about responsibilities, couples can work towards a more balanced relationship.

"My Boyfriend’s Toilet Paper Graveyard"

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"My Boyfriend Ate All The Skin Off Our Rotisserie Chicken"

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"Good Morning. Found My Boyfriend's Glass Bottles In The Freezer. He’s At Work"

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Preventing weaponized incompetence requires active participation from both partners. Experts recommend implementing systems that promote transparency in task allocation. Danielle Levenson, a life coach, suggests establishing check-in meetings to discuss household tasks and any challenges faced.

This proactive approach not only holds each partner accountable but also fosters a sense of collaboration and support.

"Asking My Boyfriend To Not Empty The Entire Can Of Pringles (My Favorite Flavor)"

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"How My Boyfriend Packed Up A Moving Box With Kitchen Stuff While I Was At Work"

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"My Boyfriend Forgot To Buy Shower Curtain Rings"

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Empowering Each Other

Empowerment within a relationship can significantly reduce weaponized incompetence. Psychologists advocate for couples to encourage each other in managing household tasks. Dr. Tina Payne Bryson emphasizes that positive reinforcement can motivate partners to take on their share of responsibilities.

Celebrating small successes together reinforces teamwork and strengthens the emotional bond, making it easier to navigate challenges.

"My Boyfriend Took A Bite Out Of All Three Of My Hashbrowns"

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"The Container My Boyfriend Picked To Put Away Leftover Pancakes"

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"Came To The Kitchen To Find Out That My Boyfriend Hung The Towel Like This 🤨"

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Ultimately, addressing weaponized incompetence requires both partners to commit to change. Many couples struggle with this dynamic, but therapists argue it can be resolved through mutual effort. Dr. Carol Dweck highlights the importance of fostering a growth mindset in relationships.

By viewing challenges as opportunities for growth, couples can work through their issues collaboratively, creating a more equitable partnership.

"Recently Moved In With My Boyfriend Who Has A Habit Of Leaving His Clothes On The Floor. I Asked Him To Put His Jeans Away In His Closet And This Is What I Found Later"

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"My Boyfriend 'Helpfully' Put My Expensive Indoor Plants Outside For 'Fresh Air,' And They Got Irreparably Sunburnt :("

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"How Much Dish Soap My Boyfriend Thinks He Needs For One Pot"

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"My Boyfriend Made Croissants This Way... Am I Dating A Serial K*ller?"

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"Boyfriend Always Buys A Bag At The Store"

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"My (Now Ex) Boyfriend Just Broke Up With Me Via Text Message Tonight :|"

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"My Boyfriend Puts Snacks In My Fruit Hanging Basket"

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"My Boyfriend's Single Bite Of My Apple"

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"My Boyfriend Made Me Coffee The Other Day"

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Living together can be awesome, but when one partner starts “forgetting” basic things like washing dishes or putting the laundry in the machine, things can get a little... crooked. This is classic "weaponized incompetence" in action!

One person kicks back on the couch while the other becomes the household hero, handling all the chores. The fix is simple: talk it out and divide the responsibilities!

When both pitch in, life is much easier, and you can enjoy living together—without constantly fighting over socks that no one bothers to fold!

Therapeutic Insights & Recovery

In conclusion, weaponized incompetence can significantly impact relationships, leading to frustration and resentment. However, by fostering open communication and mutual accountability, couples can work towards overcoming this dynamic. Psychologists emphasize that understanding the root causes and addressing them proactively is crucial for maintaining a healthy partnership. It’s essential to remember that relationships thrive on shared responsibilities and open dialogue.

By implementing these expert-backed strategies, couples can cultivate a supportive environment where both partners feel valued and empowered.