Woman Suspects Screening After Friend Invites Her To Be Plus One At Wedding, Considers Backing Out

No one likes to be kept in a tight spot, especially when they're doing something out of the goodness of their hearts. When it comes to a wedding, it's normal for people to attend with their loved ones.

We know that it's very possible that many of the friends and family attending a wedding may not know each other well. Having a plus one makes those guests feel more at ease and increases the likelihood that they'll enjoy themselves.

The OP of today's story happens to be a plus one for a friend, Tom. This friend has a brother who is getting married, and their family wanted that for him too.

Tom broke up with his long-term girlfriend and asked the OP out quite a few times afterward. The OP refused but accepted his request to be his plus one at his big brother's wedding so he wouldn't go alone. 

Tom's family has been putting pressure on him to settle down and get married, especially since his brother got engaged. Tom told his brother about the OP, and his brother said he'd like to meet her before the wedding "in case it's awkward."

Then again, Tom's mom and dad said they'd like to meet the OP too, and it was becoming awkward for her. The OP is only a plus one, and she's not part of the wedding party, so why do they want to meet her beforehand?

The OP and Tom met at a party and have been friends for 10 years

Reddit/Ok_Rain9

His family has been putting pressure on him to settle down and get married

Reddit/Ok_Rain9

Understanding Social Anxiety in Social Settings

The woman's feelings of being 'screened' at the wedding illustrate common anxieties associated with social evaluation. Social psychologists have long studied the effects of perceived judgment on behavior, and this situation is no exception.

Research indicates that individuals often become hyper-aware of their actions in social settings, particularly when they feel scrutinized, leading to increased anxiety and avoidance behaviors.

OP's starting to think maybe Tom has implied she's more than a friend to his family

Reddit/Ok_Rain9

And the comments from other Redditors roll in...

Reddit/Ok_Rain9

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the AH:

I believe I might be an a-hole for pulling out of a wedding invite because of his family being pushy. Is it normal to be screened before attending a wedding as a plus one?

It's possible his family has concerns

Reddit/Ok_Rain9

He is betting the OP won't make a scene

Reddit/Ok_Rain9

Moreover, this sense of being judged can stem from early attachment experiences. According to attachment theory, individuals who experienced inconsistent validation during childhood may develop heightened sensitivity to perceived rejection in adulthood.

Studies show that these patterns can manifest in social situations, causing individuals to withdraw or feel uncomfortable when they perceive scrutiny from others.

He can't take no for an answer

Reddit/Ok_Rain9

Making it clear right there

Reddit/Ok_Rain9

The OP left this somewhere in the comments

It's just so disheartening that a friend of 10 years was potentially only sticking around to see what they could get. His actions over the last few months since his breakup have made me think that you might be right and he's not actually listening, just holding out.

The OP should go with her gut

Reddit/Ok_Rain9

There shouldn't be interviews involved

Reddit/Ok_Rain9

Strategies for Managing Social Anxiety

To cope with these feelings of anxiety, employing mindfulness techniques can be beneficial. Research from the University of Massachusetts indicates that mindfulness can significantly reduce anxiety and enhance emotional regulation.

Practicing mindfulness involves focusing on the present moment without judgment, which can help individuals detach from negative thoughts and feelings about social situations.

The OP has said it multiple times

Reddit/Ok_Rain9

Playing the part

Reddit/Ok_Rain9

Additionally, cognitive-behavioral techniques can be effective in reframing negative thought patterns. Studies show that identifying and challenging irrational fears can help individuals feel more grounded and less anxious in social settings.

For example, reminding oneself that being 'screened' is not a personal attack but a normal part of social dynamics can help alleviate anxiety.

Psychological Analysis

This scenario highlights how feelings of being judged can stem from deeper anxieties about social acceptance. It's common for individuals to feel scrutinized in new social situations, often reflecting past experiences of rejection or validation.

Encouraging open communication and self-reflection can help in managing these feelings effectively.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Recognizing the roots of social anxiety can help individuals develop healthier coping strategies. Research in social psychology emphasizes the importance of self-awareness in overcoming feelings of judgment and scrutiny.

Ultimately, fostering self-compassion and employing mindfulness techniques can lead to improved emotional well-being and more fulfilling social interactions.

Many Redditors believed that Tom doesn't really understand that the OP wouldn't want to date him and that he won't be able to talk her out of it. It appears that his family has misinterpreted their relationship, as the OP didn't expect to be included in any family or wedding party events.

She is just coming to the wedding with Tom as a friend to provide moral support. Well, Redditors declared the OP not the AH.