30 Dating Posts That Might Just Be Cries For Help Due To Their Weird Specifications

A 28-year-old woman refused to date someone unless he agreed to a list of rules so specific it sounded like a hostage note. And somehow, that was just one post in a whole parade of “relationship requirements” that read less like romance and more like a cry for help in cosplay.

Picture it: “Meet all criteria, and you're allowed to join,” “Your beauty surprises me every day,” and the terrifyingly casual “Would you love me if I were a lamp?” Then the list gets even weirder, like “Having a foodborne pathogen as your girl,” “Having to fight for your life while being the size of an ant,” and “Hey, I'm Jeff, and this is my cat, Baby Jeff.” It’s complicated because these aren’t normal dealbreakers, they’re wild, specific demands that turn dating into a group project nobody signed up for.

By the time you hit the posts about “When my boyfriend is home versus when he isn't home,” you start wondering what kind of relationship these people are actually building.

1. What every Reddit relationship question is like

@Gaby_Moss

2. Meet all criteria, and you're allowed to join

@Tyvinjerry

3. Your beauty surprises me every day

@bonehugsnirony

4. Just make sure you don't read that book

Reddit

5. Having a foodborne pathogen as your girl

@hellethia

6. The pros and cons of dating a horse girl

@whatsupboosh

7. People are really having wild dreams

@sabatonfan69

8. Would you love me if I were a lamp?

9. LoL... It's the look for me

10. Having to fight for your life while being the size of an ant

@tinderpredator

11. When you're obviously being hit on

@nbadag

12. Hey, I'm Jeff, and this is my cat, Baby Jeff

@BrittanyMeansit

13. People have some really wild death requests

Reddit

14. When my boyfriend is home versus when he isn't home

@AriaAber

This is similar to the AITAH post about planning a surprise vacation your partner hates.

15. Dude has this all planned out... Lol

Whatsapp

16. Apparently, guys understand the economy and don't waste money on frivolities

@kathasty

17. Who's about to answer this?

Reddit

18. This had me rolling in a pool of laughter

@unrealizzztic

19. Whales must be really having a bad time, huh?

@BlaisinSquad

20. Wait a minute! Do you see what I see?

21. This is going to be one heck of a relationship

22. Each social media platform has its own postings

@VeryBadLlama

23. Keep it coming

@Ristolable

24. When you're an all-in-one package deal

@perfectsweeties

25. Who still wants a goth b*tch?

26. Dating a gamer boy must be lit

@rileyalessandra

27. Smiling at a picture of sustainable architecture

28. Someone is explaining how being a lesbian is hard

29. I guess every woman has her own nightmares

@outsinned

30. Wait, what!

Twitter

That’s when the “Meet all criteria, and you're allowed to join” energy kicks in, like love is some kind of bouncer situation.

Then “Hey, I'm Jeff, and this is my cat, Baby Jeff” shows up, and suddenly the red flags have fur.

After “Having a foodborne pathogen as your girl,” the whole vibe turns from quirky to genuinely unhinged real fast.

And right when “When my boyfriend is home versus when he isn't home” lands, you realize the drama might be the point, not the aftermath.

It is inevitable that couples will argue, whether over domestic issues or in-law visits. However, the best way to handle these conflicts amicably is with humor and harmless practical pranks.

Drop your thoughts about this post in the comments section below and share it with your loved ones as well.

Nobody wants to date a checklist, especially when the checklist includes a lamp.

Wait, you might also ask WIBTA after suggesting pig racing on a date, read this.