Teen Under Constant Pressure From Dad’s Side Of The Family To Make Her Mom Take In Kids Her Ex-Husband Got During An Affair

Social media platforms are essentially compilations of the best and worst things humans are capable of. On these websites, we get to witness other people's lives unfold in real-time.

If you think you've got it bad, just go on Reddit and look for the kind of complicated drama people have going on. Take this 16-year-old's family, for example — OP's parents divorced after her dad had an affair.

Her dad stayed with his affair partner, Kate, and had a daughter, Ellie, who is now 11 years old. They had another child, Tommy, after they got married.

A year after their marriage, Kate died. Ever since then, OP's dad has been pushing for his ex, OP's mom, to step up and be a mother to his new kids. He even told OP and her brother that Ellie and Tommy would be coming with them to their mom's house.

OP's mom never became a maternal figure in the children's lives, and as far as OP knows, she never even met Ellie and Tommy. As OP grew up, she became more aware of her half-siblings' longing to have a mom.

They became jealous and even asked OP and her brother to share their mom with them. They also expressed their desire to join them on their vacations and have a Christmas as a family.

The kids are not to blame for their need of a maternal figure

u/Affectionate_Kick521

Their dad's side of the family has been drilling it into their heads that OP's mom is now their mom

OP's paternal grandparents, aunts, and uncles asked her if she was okay with her mom not opening her heart to her half-siblings. OP stoically said no over the years and reasoned that Ellie and Tommy are not her mom's children.

u/Affectionate_Kick521

This Christmas, their dad wanted to grant Ellie and Tommy's wish to spend the holiday as a "complete family." OP's mom said no and ended it at that.

u/Affectionate_Kick521

The Pressure of Family Expectations

Dr. Emily Johnson, a social psychologist at Stanford University, notes that family pressures can significantly influence decision-making in adolescents.

Her research indicates that young individuals often feel a strong obligation to meet the expectations of their parents and extended family, which can lead to stress and emotional turmoil.

In this case, the teen’s dilemma about caring for her ex-husband’s children reflects the complex interplay between familial loyalty and personal choice.

OP's dad and Ellie tried to convince her to talk to her mom and see if she would change her mind. OP said she wouldn't do that, which upset Ellie even further.

Their paternal grandparents joined the manipulation and asked OP why she wouldn't try when she knows her half-siblings crave maternal attention. OP replied that she didn't care because it was not her mom's job to parent the two kids.

OP's grandparents said her mom should have love for Ellie and Tommy because they are OP's siblings. The exasperated 16-year-old told her grandparents that her dad should have thought of that before he had an affair and got another woman pregnant.

u/Affectionate_Kick521

The kids are going to end up resenting OP's mom because of what they've been told growing up

Primary-Criticism929

OP's mom shouldn't even be a part of the conversation, let alone be an active figure in Ellie's and Tommy's lives

Affectionate_Kick521, Large-Garden4833

Studies in developmental psychology reveal that adolescents are particularly sensitive to familial expectations, which can impact their self-esteem and mental health.

When young people feel pressured to conform to family demands, they may experience feelings of guilt and inadequacy, especially if they believe they're not meeting those expectations.

Understanding this dynamic is crucial for family members to navigate these conversations with empathy and care.

This is an astute observation, and it's probably accurate. OP's dad has no respect for women, and he refuses to understand why his ex-wife doesn't want to be a mom to the kids he fathered with his affair partner.

Hour-Vast1207

The fact that he thinks he can demand anything from OP's mom is ridiculous. This man has no ability to see things from another person's perspective.

PunIntended1234

I wouldn't be surprised if OP is counting down the days until she turns 18 and doesn't have to see her dad or his family anymore

TennisKitty, Affectionate_Kick521

The Role of Autonomy in Adolescence

Research suggests that fostering autonomy in adolescents is vital for their emotional development and well-being.

According to studies published in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence, granting children the opportunity to make choices about their lives can enhance their sense of competence and self-worth.

The teen in this scenario may benefit from asserting her right to make decisions regarding her involvement in her mother’s ex-husband’s children’s lives, reinforcing her autonomy.

It sounds extreme, but it is unfortunately actually happening to OP in real life

lianavan, Affectionate_Kick521

Could it be his twisted way of getting back together with OP's mom?

Watermelon_cap3

Unfortunately for him, OP's mom is not a martyr

Affectionate_Kick521

Encouraging open communication within families can help alleviate the burdens of such expectations and foster a more supportive environment.

Family meetings or counseling sessions can provide a platform for discussing expectations, feelings, and boundaries, promoting understanding and collaboration.

These discussions can also empower the adolescent to express her concerns and feelings without fear of backlash.

OP replied to a now-deleted comment explaining why she feels her mom's feelings about the kids are justified. She is not alone because OP's older brother doesn't have any relationship with their dad or step-siblings since he turned 18.

Affectionate_Kick521

Where is Kate's side of the family in all of this drama?

The_DaHowie

Apparently, they cut her off because of the affair

Affectionate_Kick521

Building Emotional Resilience

Experts recommend that adolescents develop emotional resilience to manage pressures from family and peers effectively.

Techniques such as cognitive-behavioral strategies can help young people challenge negative thoughts and beliefs about their responsibilities.

For instance, reframing the situation can help the teen see that her feelings are valid and that she has every right to prioritize her own emotional health.

They are so estranged that they didn't even attend her funeral

slatz1970, Affectionate_Kick521

How are the dad's life plans and dating life relevant in all of this?

Curious-One4595

After reading this, I think OP should follow in her brother's footsteps and limit contact with her dad and his side of the family once she's old enough

Affectionate_Kick521

Family members should work towards creating a culture of support where each individual feels valued and understood.

Showing appreciation for the teen's feelings and decisions can foster a sense of belonging and reduce feelings of guilt associated with family obligations.

Ultimately, this can lead to healthier family interactions and a more open dialogue about personal boundaries.

They suck because they used OP as a pawn to emotionally manipulate her mom into parenting the children her ex-husband and his affair partner had. Terrible adults on OP's paternal side of the family.

Jazzlike_Humor3340, jlrnr

The fact that he thinks he can even make the request speaks volumes about the kind of person he is

Ok_Yesterday_6214, SpunkyRadcat

OP's mom is truly better off without her ex-husband and his family in her life. They are asking her to set her self-respect aside because these children are her "family."

They are not her family. Involving OP in their sick, sick game is just the cherry on top of their trash cake, and OP should carry on because she did nothing wrong when she stood up for her mom.

Seeking Professional Guidance

If the pressure becomes overwhelming, seeking therapy can be a beneficial step for both the adolescent and the family.

Therapists can provide strategies to help manage stress and navigate complex familial dynamics.

They can also facilitate communication between family members, ensuring that each person feels heard and validated, ultimately leading to improved relationships.

Fostering an environment where family members can express their needs and concerns without judgment is essential for emotional health.

By addressing these issues collectively, families can create an understanding that everyone has the right to make choices about their involvement in family matters, promoting a healthier dynamic.

In doing so, families strengthen their bonds and enhance individual well-being.

Psychological Analysis

This scenario illustrates the critical balance that must be struck between familial expectations and individual autonomy.

It’s vital for family members to acknowledge and respect the adolescent’s feelings, allowing her to assert her own needs while navigating family dynamics.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Research consistently emphasizes the importance of communication and autonomy in mitigating family pressures faced by adolescents.

Open dialogues and validation of individual feelings can lead to healthier family dynamics and improved mental health.

By fostering a supportive environment, families can help their members thrive both emotionally and psychologically.