AITA for giving dating advice to my friend and then dating the person myself?

A 28-year-old woman refused to stay in her lane when her friend’s new boyfriend started texting her for help. At first, it was harmless, even sweet, Sarah (27F) leaned on OP (28F) for dating advice, venting after dates and celebrating the wins. Then Alex (30M) popped up with a request of his own, he needed ideas to surprise Sarah when she had to cancel plans last minute.

So OP and Alex brainstormed, Alex cooked dinner at Sarah’s place, and Sarah was texting OP like, “Can you believe how thoughtful he is?” But after a few weeks of dating, the whole group went out together, and something clicked between OP and Alex. The chemistry was real, the timing was not, and suddenly OP and Alex were dating behind Sarah’s back.

Now Sarah’s angry, both of them are cut off, and OP is stuck wondering if it was betrayal or just human nature, here’s the full story.

Original Post

So I'm (28F) and I've been friends with Sarah (27F) for years. She recently met this amazing guy, Alex (30M), and things seemed to be going great between them.

She'd come to me for advice, vent about their dates, and I was there for her every step of the way. Well, one night, Sarah had to cancel plans with Alex last minute, so he reached out to me for advice on how to surprise her.

We brainstormed, and he ended up cooking dinner for her at her place while she finished work. Sarah was over the moon and texted me about how sweet he was.

The twist? After Sarah and Alex had been dating for a few weeks, we all went out together, and something just clicked between Alex and me.

It felt like we had a genuine connection. We both caught ourselves glancing at each other, finding excuses to talk alone.

Long story short, we started dating behind Sarah's back. Now, as you can imagine, things got messy when Sarah found out.

She felt betrayed by both of us and accused me of giving her advice while pursuing Alex myself. I tried to explain that it wasn't planned, that feelings just developed, but she cut us both off.

Alex and I are now navigating this new relationship while dealing with the guilt of hurting Sarah. So, AITA?

I never intended for this to happen, but I can see how it looks from Sarah's perspective. I honestly don't know if I'm wrong here.

Was I wrong to date the guy my friend was seeing?

Betrayal or Just Human Nature?

This situation raises some serious questions about loyalty and the fluid nature of attraction. When OP gave dating advice to Sarah about her crush, they likely had no idea they’d end up falling for the same person. It’s a classic case of a friend trying to help, only to find themselves in the middle of a romantic triangle. This kind of emotional overlap is sadly common, yet it still hits hard when it happens.

Readers are divided on whether OP’s actions amount to betrayal or simply a natural human response to unexpected feelings. On one hand, it’s tough to control who you develop feelings for, but on the other, there’s an unspoken code about not crossing romantic lines with a friend’s interest. It makes you wonder—can genuine friendship and romantic interest coexist without stepping on toes?

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That “harmless” dinner-planning moment with Alex quickly turned into the thing Sarah would later accuse OP of using as a setup.

After Sarah and Alex had been dating for weeks, the group hangout is where OP and Alex started catching each other’s eyes and making excuses to talk alone.

It also echoes the AITA where dating advice to a friend backfired into a breakup.

Emotional Complications at Play

The emotional complexity of this situation can’t be overstated. OP’s decision to pursue a relationship with Sarah's crush complicates their friendship and raises the stakes significantly. It’s not just about romance; it’s about trust and potentially damaging a long-time friendship. This conflict illustrates how quickly feelings can shift, especially in close-knit relationships where boundaries can blur.

The community's reaction reflects a shared understanding of these tensions. Some folks sympathize with OP, arguing that feelings can’t be helped, while others feel that OP should’ve shown more restraint. This debate taps into a universal truth about friendships and love—sometimes, the heart doesn’t care about the rules, but the fallout can leave a lasting impact.

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Once OP and Alex started dating behind Sarah’s back, the guilt stopped being theoretical and started showing up in every interaction Sarah tried to have.

Now that Sarah has cut both of them off, OP and Alex are dating with the shadow of “you stole him” hanging over the whole relationship.

What are your thoughts on this situation? Share your perspective in the comments below.

Why This Story Matters

This story highlights the messy intersections of friendship and romance, prompting readers to confront their own beliefs about loyalty and attraction. The real question remains: when is it acceptable to follow your heart, even if it means risking a friendship? As we navigate these complex emotional landscapes, how do we balance our desires with the bonds we hold dear?

What It Comes Down To

The situation involving OP, Sarah, and Alex underscores how easily emotional boundaries can blur in close friendships.

Sarah might never get over the fact that OP’s “help” came with a side of stealing the boyfriend.

Wondering if it crosses a line to confront your friend over dating your crush? Read the AITA about confronting a best friend who dated your crush.