"AITA for sneaking away to another state without telling my family?"

She wasn’t running away from home, she was running out of room. A 22-year-old factory worker says she’s been paying her parents $500 a month just to have a place to sleep, even though she’s barely scraping by on $20 an hour. And lately, the house rules have gotten harsher, faster, and more personal.

The tension started bubbling when her dad stepped in after her younger sister allegedly failed to care for their dog. On a cold night, the dog got a bath, then got kicked outside with no dog house, no bed, just concrete, and her dad told her the dog can’t come back inside. To make it worse, she claims her dad threatened to kick her out over leaving a couple items on the dining table, after months of feeling like a paying guest.

So she planned a quiet escape to another state, with her dog in tow, and no warning at all.

Original Post

I'm a 22-year-old girl working in a factory and earning $20 an hour. I live with my folks in a city where everything costs a lot.

I make car payments and can't afford to rent my own place. Even sharing a flat with someone else is too much for me.

I pay my parents $500 every month for my room, even when I only have $200 left for the whole week. They still want their rent.

To pay my bills, I have been working extra hours. This means I'm not home much.

I pay my little sister to look after my dog when I'm not there. She has to feed him and let him out to pee.

But she didn't do her job, so my dad had to step in. One cold night, after giving my dog a bath, my dad made him stay outside.

We don't have a dog house or any beds out there, just concrete. My dad said my dog can't come in the house anymore.

I wasn't okay with this. My dad's always been tough on me.

I've been taking care of myself since I was 17. I've lent him money but never asked for any in return.

He recently said he'd kick me out for leaving a couple of things on the dining table. I keep to myself, only come out of my room to cook, and I clean up when I'm done.

I feel like I'm just a paying guest now. I've had enough.

I'm planning to move in with a relative in another state. I'm looking for a job there, something I can do from home.

But I only have experience in customer service, so it's hard. I'm leaving in about two months.

I plan to sneak out at night so no one knows. I'm scared they'll try to take my savings if they find out.

After I leave, I don't plan on talking to them much. So, am I the jerk for leaving without saying anything?

More info because people asked: My dog's coming with me. I got him when I was in a better place, working at a dog training center.

He used to go to work with me every day. But I lost that job suddenly.

I have other bills, too. Paying rent was never a problem, but my dad sprung it on me with less than a month's notice.

Around the same time, I had surgery and a car accident that kept me from work for a few weeks. I worry a lot about money.

Any change to my budget scares me. I have my own bank account, but I fear if my family found out, they'd try to charge me for things like rent.

I don't want any drama and I don't trust the police. As for why I'm sneaking out at night, it's the safest way.

My dad's not working now because of health problems. Some might say I'm mean for not helping him, but he brought this on himself.

He used to make more than $20,000 a month after tax. He has savings from an investment and gets government aid.

I don't want to share any more details to keep my plans secret. Some asked why I'm not leaving sooner.

I want to be sure I can make it on my own. The relatives I'm moving in with can help me a bit, but I don't want to take advantage of them.

I'll pay rent and work towards getting my own place. So, that's my story.

Let me know if I missed anything. Also, all this happened recently, and there are more issues with my family I didn't mention.

The dilemma of sneaking away without informing family members is rooted in a complex interplay of emotions.

Comment from u/Anxious_Plan5591

Comment from u/FosteringbyMixie

Feeling unappreciated can deeply impact one’s self-worth and motivation, leading to emotional distress and a sense of isolation. Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs emphasizes that love and belonging are fundamental human needs, and when they’re unmet, individuals may feel compelled to seek fulfillment and validation elsewhere, often in unhealthy ways. This young woman’s sense of being a 'paying guest' rather than a valued family member could contribute significantly to her desire to leave, as she may feel that her presence is not cherished or acknowledged.

Addressing these feelings through open dialogue with family members may foster a sense of belonging and appreciation, which could alleviate the urge to escape. By creating a supportive environment where each member feels valued and heard, families can strengthen their bonds and enhance emotional well-being, ultimately helping individuals feel more content and connected within their home.

Comment from u/YouthNAsia63

Comment from u/saywgo

That’s when her dad’s “kick her out” threat over the dining table items hit, right on top of the $500 rent demand she can’t afford.

Financial burdens can undoubtedly add to the stress of familial relationships, impacting not only the individuals directly involved but also the overall family dynamic. In this case, the young woman’s financial contributions, which may go unnoticed or unappreciated, can further strain her mental well-being, creating a cycle of frustration and emotional turmoil.

Seeking financial counseling or discussing budgetary concerns with a trusted advisor could mitigate some of these pressures. By addressing these issues openly, she may be able to alleviate some of the stress and find a more stable footing at home. Engaging in constructive conversations about finances can foster understanding and support among family members, ultimately leading to healthier relationships and improved emotional resilience.

Comment from u/Shes_Crafty_4301

Comment from u/GhostofMadden

The dynamics of family relationships significantly affect mental health and overall well-being.

Comment from u/HungryLandHippo

Comment from u/Inevitable-Speech-38

Then the dog incident, where her sister didn’t feed or let him out and her dad forced him to stay outside, made her feel even more trapped.

This is like the workplace fiasco when someone called doctors penguins, and coworkers reacted hard.

Pets and Emotional Support

The young woman's concern for her dog indicates a strong emotional bond, a common trait among pet owners.

Comment from u/KJoD83

Comment from u/Posterbomber

Leaving without a word might seem like an easy escape, but it can lead to feelings of guilt and regret later on. When we choose to walk away without addressing our issues, we often find that unresolved matters tend to resurface in our minds, amplifying emotional distress and complicating our lives.

Engaging in reflective practices, such as journaling or talking to a trusted friend, can provide valuable insight and help clarify her feelings before making such a significant decision. By expressing her thoughts and emotions, she can gain a deeper understanding of her situation and the potential consequences of her actions. Taking the time to process her emotions may lead her to discover more constructive solutions to her problems rather than resorting to avoidance, ultimately fostering healthier relationships and personal growth.

Comment from u/yycsoftwaredev

Comment from u/Sandtiger812

Now she’s counting down her two-month timeline, trying to find customer service work in another state while hoping nobody finds her savings.

Exploring Alternative Solutions

Considering a stealthy departure, while understandable given the emotional turmoil, might not ultimately be the best solution for resolving family issues. Open communication and assertive behavior are crucial elements in addressing and resolving family conflicts effectively. Immediate steps could involve writing down her feelings to articulate them clearly, which can be a powerful exercise in self-reflection and clarity. In the short term, scheduling a family meeting to openly address her concerns can significantly enhance understanding among family members.

Longer-term, seeking therapy or counseling could provide her with valuable tools to navigate complex family dynamics more effectively. Professional guidance can foster healthier communication patterns, enabling her to express herself without fear. This proactive approach not only reduces the urge to escape but also empowers her to build stronger relationships, ultimately leading to a more harmonious family environment.

Comment from u/Misty-Far

Comment from u/ParsimoniousSalad

What would you do in this situation? Share your opinion in the comments.

Comment from u/He_Who_Is_Person

Comment from u/ComprehensiveBand586

Comment from u/_Halfnight_

Comment from u/Kubuubud

Comment from u/[deleted]

Comment from u/opelan

And because she’s planning to sneak out at night with her dog, the real question becomes whether silence makes her the villain or just the only option left.

The situation faced by the 22-year-old reflects a complex interplay of emotional and financial struggles. Her contemplation of leaving her family without notice stems from a deep sense of unappreciation and the burden of financial hardship. This internal conflict reveals the weight of her fears and guilt, particularly regarding her pet, which adds another layer to her dilemma. While these feelings are valid and understandable, the lack of communication may ultimately exacerbate the situation. Engaging in open dialogue with family members could lead to a more supportive environment. Additionally, seeking professional guidance might help her navigate these turbulent emotions and make a more informed decision. It is essential to consider not only the immediate consequences of such a departure but also the long-term psychological effects it may have on her mental well-being.

The family dinner did not end well, but the dog is the one she’s not willing to leave behind.

Wondering if boundaries work both ways, read why a friend flipped after you declined her birthday invite.