Am I Wrong for Refusing to Let My Boyfriend Keep His Pet Tarantula in My Apartment?

A 28-year-old woman refused to let her boyfriend’s huge pet tarantula, Skitter, move into her apartment, and honestly, it’s the kind of relationship test that sounds minor until it hits your sleep schedule. OP says she’s been trying to be supportive, even though she’s never been a fan of spiders.

Her boyfriend, 30, asked to temporarily keep Skitter at her place because the tarantula outgrew his current space. At first, she tried to make peace with it, but every time she sees the eight-legged fuzzball, she gets anxious and can’t sleep. When she brought it up, he got mad, claimed Skitter is “like family,” and told her to work on her fear and accept the tarantula as part of their lives.

Now OP is stuck wondering if saying no makes her the jerk, or if he’s asking for a boundary she never agreed to cross.

Original Post

So I'm (28F) recently started dating a guy (30M) who has quite an unusual pet - a huge, hairy tarantula named Skitter. Now, I've never been a fan of spiders, but I thought I could get past it to make things work.

We've been dating for a few months, and things have been going well overall. But, here's where it gets tricky.

Skitter recently outgrew his current space at my boyfriend's place, and he asked if he could keep the tarantula in my apartment for a while. I was initially hesitant but decided to give it a shot since I really like him.

However, every time I see that eight-legged fuzzball, I start feeling extremely uncomfortable and anxious. Just the sight of it gives me the creeps, and I've been losing sleep over it.

I brought it up to him, hoping he'd understand, but he got upset, saying Skitter is like family to him and needs a larger space. He even suggested that I work on my fear and accept Skitter as part of our lives.

I feel like I'm in a tough spot. I want to support him, but having a tarantula in my home is really pushing my limits.

Would I be the jerk if I put my foot down and said no to Skitter moving in with us permanently?

Why This Request Crossed a Line

This situation strikes a nerve because it exposes the complexities of personal boundaries in relationships. The OP seems genuinely supportive of her boyfriend, even attempting to accept Skitter, his pet tarantula. However, her anxiety is valid, especially considering that fear of spiders can be deeply rooted and not something to be dismissed.

By suggesting that his pet tarantula move in, the boyfriend may not fully grasp the weight of that request. It raises the question: how much compromise is reasonable in a relationship, especially when it comes to something that causes genuine fear and discomfort?

OP tried to be flexible when Skitter first needed a new home, but the second she sees him, the anxiety hits hard.

Comment from u/CoffeeLover93

NTA. You've been accommodating enough by even considering it. If the sight of Skitter is causing you so much distress, your boyfriend should respect your boundaries.

Comment from u/SpideyFan01

YTA if you don't try to work on overcoming your fear. Skitter is a part of your boyfriend's life, and you should make an effort to be supportive. Talk to a therapist if needed.

Comment from u/choco_chip_cookie

NAH. It's understandable that you're uncomfortable, but also, pets are a big deal for many people. Have an open conversation with your boyfriend about finding a compromise that works for both of you.

Comment from u/NightOwl_22

Bruh, I'd nope out of there so fast if I were you. Tarantulas are a whole different ball game. Your mental health matters too. NTA for setting boundaries.

After OP admitted she’s losing sleep over Skitter, her boyfriend snapped and framed the tarantula like it’s family.

Comment from u/throwaway_spidey

ESH. Your boyfriend should have discussed this with you more openly before assuming Skitter could move in. But also, facing fears is part of a relationship. Try finding a middle ground.

It also echoes the office tension when a coworker’s tarantula roamed, and the narrator confronted him.

Comment from u/the_real_deal

YTA. If you care for this guy, you should be willing to compromise.

Comment from u/carrot_cake_lover

NTA. Fear is a real thing, and your boyfriend should respect that. It's okay to not feel comfortable with unusual pets in your space. Communication is key here.

When he suggested she “work on her fear” instead of adjusting his plan, it turned a pet situation into a control situation.

Comment from u/GamingLlama78

Oof, this is a tough one. While I get your fear, relationships involve sacrifices. Maybe look into spider therapy or find a compromise with your boyfriend. NAH.

Comment from u/RandomRambling

Imagine waking up to Skitter crawling on your face one night... Yikes. NTA for wanting to keep your home spider-free. Your boyfriend needs to understand and find an alternative solution.

Comment from u/SunflowerSeeds

NTA. Your comfort in your own space matters. Your boyfriend needs to find a suitable solution for Skitter rather than putting that pressure on you. Stand your ground, girl.

So now OP has to decide whether “temporary” means forever, especially if she’s already at her limit in her own apartment.

What would you do in this situation? Share your opinion in the comments.

Community Reactions Show Divided Opinions

The Reddit community's response to this dilemma underscores how polarizing personal preferences can be. Many users sympathized with the OP, backing her right to prioritize her comfort and well-being over her boyfriend's pet ownership. However, others argued that she should 'get over' her fear for the sake of the relationship, which adds another layer to this already fraught situation.

This division highlights a critical tension in modern relationships: balancing individual needs against the desires of a partner. It’s not just about whether or not to allow a tarantula in the apartment; it’s about the broader implications of compromise, respect, and understanding within a partnership. How do you negotiate those lines without losing sight of your own comfort?

This story resonates because it taps into the universal theme of balancing personal boundaries with relationship dynamics. It challenges us to think about how we navigate fears and compromises in love. Are we being unreasonable when we set limits on what we’re comfortable with, or is it a sign of healthy self-awareness? This tarantula dilemma might seem trivial, but it raises significant questions about what we will and won’t accept for the sake of love. What would you do in the OP's shoes?

What It Comes Down To

In this situation, the woman’s fear of her boyfriend's pet tarantula, Skitter, highlights a common tension between personal boundaries and relationship dynamics. Her initial willingness to accommodate Skitter shows her desire to support her boyfriend, yet the overwhelming anxiety she experiences reveals that some fears are not easily overcome. On the other hand, her boyfriend's insistence on keeping Skitter in her space without fully considering her discomfort suggests a lack of awareness regarding their differing boundaries. This conflict raises important questions about the balance of compromise in relationships, especially when it involves something that triggers genuine distress.

Nobody should have to lose sleep in their own home just to keep a boyfriend happy.

Before moving in, see how one woman handled asking her boyfriend to rehome his tarantula.