Controlling Student Becomes Bedtime Police Who Wants to Control Even Her BFF Roommate's Sleep Schedule

Adjustments to your lifestyle need to be made when you're living with a roommate. You're fortunate if you and your roommate can easily find common ground and respect each other's boundaries from the start.

However, not everyone is that fortunate. This one Redditor who shared her story with the "Am I The A**hole?" (AITA) subreddit is among those people.

The original poster (OP) is roommates with her best friend from high school, and they're both in college now. The first semester went smoothly, but they soon realized their different schedules clashed.

The friend prefers early nights and quiet mornings, while the OP is a night owl who stays up late. This led to conflicts about noise and light at night, causing tension between them.

Things came to a head when the friend couldn't sleep due to the OP's activities in their shared room. Despite trying to compromise with dim screens and low noise, the friend felt it wasn't enough.

This resulted in arguments and feelings of being controlled or unheard on both sides. The OP felt forced to accommodate by leaving the room, which led to resentment.

Now, the OP is seeking advice on how to handle the situation without damaging their friendship. She wants to find compromises that work for both of them and allow them to coexist peacefully in their shared living space.

The OP is tired of her controlling BFF roommate who wants to dictate her sleep schedule.

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The OP sleeps after midnight. On the other hand, her best friend sleeps earlier.

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Control and Its Impact on Relationships

The need for control in relationships can often stem from underlying insecurities. Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor and expert on vulnerability, highlights that individuals who attempt to control others may be grappling with their own fears and anxieties.

Research shows that excessive control can lead to resentment and conflict, as it undermines the autonomy of others. Understanding these dynamics can help individuals recognize when their need for control is driven by fear rather than genuine concern.

The two had a fight over the roommate not being able to sleep properly because of the OP's late-night activities.

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The OP's best friend wants total lights out. In other words, she won't allow the OP to use her devices.

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This situation illustrates the psychological tension between autonomy and control in close relationships. Studies indicate that when individuals feel controlled, they are likely to respond with resistance, ultimately straining the relationship.

Recognizing the importance of autonomy can help individuals navigate these conflicts more effectively, promoting healthier interactions that respect each other's independence.

The OP made it clear to her best friend that she planned to stay up late. However, her roommate continued to insist on "lights out" regardless.

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The OP has had enough.

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Fostering Healthy Boundaries with Roommates

To address issues of control, establishing clear boundaries is crucial. Research indicates that discussing and agreeing upon boundaries can prevent misunderstandings and promote respect in shared living situations.

The roommate in this scenario could benefit from having an open conversation about personal space and activities, fostering an environment where both individuals feel comfortable expressing their needs.

Despite making up with her best friend, the OP is still resentful about the situation.

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Next time, the OP wants to stand her ground. But at the same time, she wants to consider a compromise.

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Moreover, practicing empathy can enhance understanding between roommates. Studies show that when individuals seek to understand each other's perspectives, it can lead to more collaborative problem-solving.

Encouraging open dialogue about feelings and expectations can help alleviate tensions and foster a sense of partnership in the living arrangement.

Redditors were on the OP's side, telling her that it isn't unreasonable to stay up late when she wants to.

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It's the roommate who needs to make adjustments at this point.

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Living with roommates, especially those with different schedules, does require a lot of compromise. The OP has already made efforts to minimize disturbances to her roommate.

The ball is in the best friend's court to create a space where she can be comfortable, but not at the expense of the OP's preferred schedule.

The OP is thankful for the responses from light sleepers.

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The OP has made the necessary adjustments on her side.

It's time for her best friend to act maturely and make adjustments so that she can sleep properly.

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If the issues can't be resolved, it's time for the OP's roommate to move out.

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The roommate should at least appreciate what the OP has done to try to make her comfortable.

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Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights the challenges of managing control within close relationships. It's important for individuals to recognize the impact of their behavior on others and engage in discussions that respect both parties' autonomy. By fostering mutual understanding, roommates can navigate these conflicts more effectively.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Understanding the dynamics of control in relationships is essential for fostering healthy interactions. According to Dr. Esther Perel, a renowned couples therapist, "The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives." Establishing boundaries and practicing empathy can significantly enhance roommate relationships and reduce conflict. Dr. Laura Berman, a sex therapist, emphasizes that "Respecting each other's individuality is key to a harmonious living environment." Ultimately, promoting autonomy while respecting each other's needs can lead to a more harmonious living environment.